grief – Page 3 – One Woman's Quest

Stop the Words

These thought processes…
I am inside out, shredded…
on so many levels
out of sync…
hear my own words
nothing but hot air
making me so dizzy
that I’m becoming afraid
of heights….
phobic, actually

Breathe,
I remember somewhere
between gulps of helium
and the hammering
in my head…
breathe…

Platitudes have no place
in this moment
in the inside out
emotionally raw now

So, I’ll quit the words
breathe until I find ground
again….
then repeat.

(Inspired by the prompt of Reena’s Exploration challenge which can found here. Image my own.)

Equality

Two mothers were we
frozen in disbelief
as smoke rose

Cried for the losses
for our children
for a future devoid
of peace

Two mothers
hand-in-hand
shattered

A Christian
and a Muslim

War destroys all dreams.

(Image my own.)

Bystander

Dare I confess
the hollowness
of my heart

How emptiness
echoes in its chambers
How lost I feel inside

This is no sanctity
no secure refuge
my withdrawal is a sham

I stand by, observe –
circles entwine, embrace –
recognize the power of love

Practice the words
extend warmth
and retreat, before

connection ignites
convinced as I am
that the vacancy is merited.

(Image from personal collection.)

Fogged

But for the beating of heart –
a discordant rhythm –
I am obliterated by fog –
numbness of unanticipated loss
clouded by dreams misted over –
I await sun’s return….

Empty Vessels

We’ll buy a boat,
he promised,
spend our days adrift
on a sea of possibilities.

So, she waited,
tethered her hopes
with ropes of whimsy
to a future with sails.

But years passed and
time revealed that words
hold no water, and lies
are no vessel for love.

Now, she contemplates
oceans, photographs
sailboats, docked –
possibilities set aside.

Death Reveals Inadequacy

Mother is fearful,
time slipping through her fingers,
loneliness enveloping her.

I hold space for her in my thoughts,
my heart aching in beat with hers.

Guilt tosses me up and down –
inadequacy knows no bests.

He’s Gone

In darkened room
I lie, willing blackness
to obliterate blackness.

A scream, unearthed
from dankness
shatters the silence,
echoes off heartless walls,

shock waves reverberate
relentless torment

seventeen years…
committed, no…
dedicated

ripped away

leaving me

nothing

I fall, spiral
reel out of control

breaking down

tomorrow,
the children will return
the house will fill again,
and I will pick up
these shards,
piece together
some semblance
of normalcy,
and begin
to rebuild

in the dark.

(Written for dVerse pub, where Lillian is hosting with a challenge to focus on time: “To everything there is a season…”)

Unwanted

Like a wanted woman,
I hide in public places

One step ahead of recognition,
ignoring friendly gestures,
leaving confusion in my wake

I’m tired of this game,
the pretence – long only
to turn myself in

tear away the mask
and announce
my presence

but I’m afraid –
could lose it all –
career, reputation

all for a crime I did not commit.

Oh wait…I already did –
just like a wanted woman…

(Image from personal collection. My images, some with poetry are now available through Society6. I’d love it if you’d check us out and leave feedback.)

Closed Off

I search for sustenance
with indifference –
have difficulty navigating
the aisles of available options.

Divorced from former dreams,
I hunger for renewed inspiration,
encounter only loss and confusion.

Goddess advises, and I,
ear-closed irritated,
hear only assertions
of inadequacy.

I exit possibility,
have lost the vessel
that once propelled me.

(Linking up to Reena’s Exploration Challenge #70)

Heart Bleeding

Even lamplight cannot penetrate
the obliteration of blizzard white –
the icy absence between us.

Red was the colour of our passion,
now red is the colour of this box
words spoken in confinement

condensation blurring sensibility –
the muffled sound of ringing,
too cold, too frozen in disbelief

to hang up,
move on,
seek warmth.

(Inspired by the image supplied by Willow Poetry for her weekly challenge: What Do You See?)