aging · creativity · ME/ CFS · mental-health · poetry · writing

Urgency

I weave words
with alacrity –
on a mission

Foreign forces
infiltrate brain
cells scrambling

Must write
till ability wanes
thoughts hang

Disconnected
brushed away
like cobwebs

(Tuesdays I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson.  Image my own.)

creativity · mental-health · poetry · writing

Peace Within

The waters of my soul
are still tonight
the harshness of day’s
light, easing now
into quiet solitude.

I surrender to renewal
knowing that no matter
what tomorrow brings
I have peace within
to guide me.

(Submitted for Eugi’s Causerie weekly prompt: renewal.  Image my own.  Peace Within first appeared here June, 2018.)

creativity · mental-health · nature · photography · poetry · writing

Blue Sky Moment

It was birdsong
stopped me in my tracks
distracted as I was
by pandemics
and ceaseless worry
I looked up

I looked up
and there was glory
white blossoms
triangulated
against endless
blue sky

Blue sky
like a messenger from afar
lifting my spirits
stirring longing

It was birdsong
stopped me in my tracks
I looked up and understood.

(This poem, inspired by the photo I took on a recent walk, was written for Reena’s Exploration Challenge.  I borrowed the line “messenger from afar”.  Image mine)

 

adversity · change · current affairs · mental-health · poetry · writing

A COVID-19 Easter

The clouds donned a veil today
robins foraged on thirsty ground
while a trio of doves swept by

Of course, that’s poetic nonsense –
an attempt at finding beauty
in what is really a grey reality.

Nations hunker in against the threat
and Easter morning arrived
without the fanfare of egg hunts
or children’s raised voices –
certainly not the bonnets, gloves
and scratchy dresses of youth.

But that’s how life is, isn’t it?
Compass set on determination
and before we know it, currents
shift, and we are headed into
the unknown once again.

I donned a grey veil today,
thoughts clouded by chirp-less gloom
could not lift my head to find the sky

This is the nature of hopelessness
to find one’s self confined without
power to alter the course –

This is the struggle before resignation
at worst; acceptance, at best, and
either in time for the next tidal change.

(Too dark, my husband says, can you change the ending?  Make it more hopeful.
It’s implicit in the ending, 
I counter.  Maybe not.  It is how I am feeling after so many days of trying to stay positive.  But here’s what I know:  I have been in this place before – emotionally immobilized and overwhelmed – and I’ve always found my way out.  Writing helps.  Meditation, walks in nature, and a good laugh do too.  I share this here today, so that you know you’re not alone in what you are feeling.  I share it as one who knows that to reflect upon and acknowledge personal turmoil is better than to suppress it.  I share this with the commitment to ride this current wave, openly and honestly, so that when it’s all over we have a true of record of this time in history, from a personal perspective, anyway.  Thanks for reading.)

 

creativity · mental-health · photography · poetry · writing

Edit Me, Please

Skies draw me –
the allure of wings
the inference of escape

Not afraid to dream –
imagination fully engaged
willingness set on go

Till darkness encroaches –
a black line blotting
periphery

Imperfection an ugly
critique – self flails
doubt becomes certainty

Wrench my perspective
away from the gloom
need to crop the image.

(Inspired by the promptings of Reena’s Exploration challenge:  addiction or depression; and Bushboys: Last on card April 3.)

change · disability · mental-health · poetry · psychology · writing

Turning Point

Played host to insecurity –
catered to bullying
undermined by warped
agendas, butchered by
provincial minds –

Retreated, convalesced,
sanitized lost vitality,
believed in phantoms
haunted by compulsions
deflected attempted rescues
ignored counsel to let go.

Shell-shocked
aftermaths
incoherent
self-judgment
inescapable.

Where do I go from here?

Ignore criticism
disarm cruelty
sanctify privacy
detach, discern
redefine boundaries
embrace enlightenment

Focus on caring
be receptive –
choose life.

(Turning Point first appeared here December, 2015, a year and a half into isolation imposed by illness.  I offer an edited version here with the intention of demonstrating the psychological toll of unexpected isolation.  The loss of our routine, life, connections affects us all on many levels. Be kind to self and others.  We all respond to that loss differently.  Linking up with Eugi’s Causerie weekly prompt: enlighten.  Image my own.)

aging · change · life · ME/ CFS · mental-health · poetry · writing

Rapture

Odd, this gift of solitude.  Perched canal side, I affirm my connection to the earth, and offer thanks. Late afternoon sun casts a glow on the foliage across the way, lighting up the mirror-still water.  Vibrant reflections.

Two winters ago, I fought to breathe as temperatures fell below zero.  Impassible walkways trapped me indoors.  Depression fought for possession. Hope struggles in imposed isolation.

“There are no absolutes in life,” a professor once told me, and I think of that now –
how just when it feels as if one sentence has been handed down, sealed, an opening appears.  I am fortunate, savour the moment.

Heron’s watchful stride
invites reflection, respect –

Winter’s solitude.

(Rapture first appeared here February 2019.  I offer an edited version here.

disability · health · ME/ CFS · mental-health · poetry · writing

Isolation’s Hold

Disability covets isolation –
this stripped-back, box-like state.

Rustic serenity, with room
to breathe would be preferable

but old memories creep in, and
lack of self-worth leaves the door open

phantoms of former torments
unwanted visitors, shadowy

invaders target loneliness,
misconstrue lack of health

for neediness, prey on weak –
hearted, presume incapability.

I am unwell, not unwanted, effort
to protest ignored, I grow wary of

fellow travellers, am vandalized by
nightly attacks, attempt to reach out

aim for strength, logic, clarity,
dial-up past abuse instead, cannot

fathom the purpose of unsolicited
persecution, grasping at isolation.

(Isolation’s Hold was first written in June of 2017.  I am resubmitting it here for Reena’s Exploration challenge: isolation.  Seems to me is also reflective of the times.  Image from personal collection.)