These thought processes…
I am inside out, shredded…
on so many levels
out of sync…
hear my own words
nothing but hot air
making me so dizzy
that I’m becoming afraid
I remember somewhere
between gulps of helium
and the hammering
in my head…
Platitudes have no place
in this moment
in the inside out
emotionally raw now
So, I’ll quit the words
breathe until I find ground
(Inspired by the prompt of Reena’s Exploration challenge which can found here. Image my own.)
Oh, the plans I make –
swept up in sudden quietude –
art, writing, books to read –
creativity leaps with excitement
And yet, there is a somber tone
ringing in my head – an anxious
whirring – reframing solitude
as social aberration…
And in this dance of light and dark
how shall I weave the threads
braid together a semblance of order
find a balance I can live with?
(Inspired by the prompting of Reena’s Exploration Challenge: quarantined thoughts. Image my own.)
The clouds donned a veil today
robins foraged on thirsty ground
while a trio of doves swept by
Of course, that’s poetic nonsense –
an attempt at finding beauty
in what is really a grey reality.
Nations hunker in against the threat
and Easter morning arrived
without the fanfare of egg hunts
or children’s raised voices –
certainly not the bonnets, gloves
and scratchy dresses of youth.
But that’s how life is, isn’t it?
Compass set on determination
and before we know it, currents
shift, and we are headed into
the unknown once again.
I donned a grey veil today,
thoughts clouded by chirp-less gloom
could not lift my head to find the sky
This is the nature of hopelessness
to find one’s self confined without
power to alter the course –
This is the struggle before resignation
at worst; acceptance, at best, and
either in time for the next tidal change.
(Too dark, my husband says, can you change the ending? Make it more hopeful.
It’s implicit in the ending, I counter. Maybe not. It is how I am feeling after so many days of trying to stay positive. But here’s what I know: I have been in this place before – emotionally immobilized and overwhelmed – and I’ve always found my way out. Writing helps. Meditation, walks in nature, and a good laugh do too. I share this here today, so that you know you’re not alone in what you are feeling. I share it as one who knows that to reflect upon and acknowledge personal turmoil is better than to suppress it. I share this with the commitment to ride this current wave, openly and honestly, so that when it’s all over we have a true of record of this time in history, from a personal perspective, anyway. Thanks for reading.)
My mind is ablaze –
vying for recognition –
greed is ego’s bane
hogs the spotlight
but other thoughts stir
gentler, more insightful –
will remain in shadow
till a quorum empowers
(This poem is from Twitter @Vjknutson. I’m linking it up with Reena’s Exploration challenge which is the featured image. Photo credit: Daniel Salmieri.)
Contrasts, life presents –
focus on the light,
I tell myself,
eyes wandering to dark corners
been up against too many brick walls
to harbour simplicity in faith,
besides, darkness holds the light
we inevitably all follow.
(Image from personal collection.)
No one told me,
in my haste to grow up,
that adulthood, awash
would still be lonely.
And, no one told me
that the days and nights
of sweating over papers
would likely not lead
to the life imagined,
nor that commitment –
the kind portrayed in movies –
does not exist – the word, itself,
bearing more substance
than the act – a fickle sentiment.
No one told me that
motherhood – the act
of giving birth – would alter
my reality permanently,
colouring it with unfathomable
pain and joy – such juxtaposition.
And, no one told me that
every battle I ever arm myself for,
regardless of its justification,
is really a struggle with self –
inner demons the most menacing.
I never imagined that age –
with seismic force,
would alter my perspective so –
leave me barren and yet enriched,
enthralled with the ordinary,
and unfazed by the rest.
And, in the end, as I watch
vernal rains announce a new season,
in the quiet of my solitude, I am
amazed and grateful for all
that this crazy, driven life has become,
and that no one ever told me.
Sensing foulness of mood
they slither out from dark places –
whirling wisps of putrid insinuation
Clever they are, and almost imperceptible
but I am clever also, have succumbed
one too many times to the deceit
will not be played by the mutterings
prodding me to find fault with others
to claim myself unjustly wronged.
With the force of a mountain
I stand fast, repel the daemons,
command uncompromising clarity.
Hissing with disappointment,
the spineless creatures retreat,
disappear to plot their next attack.
(Tonight’s prompt at dVerse comes from Jilly who challenges us to write about the unseen. I am also including this post in Ragtag Community’s challenge: play.)
Unity of thought fleeting,
overpowering potential –
ridicule attached –
an irrelevant couple.
External/ societal motivators
destroy heart, fuel panic –
authority wrongly positioned.
Take hold of intent, mend
what lingers, forego paranoia
improvement is achievable.
Test urgency, measure reluctance,
stand firm mid-breakdown –
abandon doubt, calm thoughts
Like the sun and the moon,
life cycles; there is promise,
sanity will return, renewed.