Tugging

Is it selfish
this chosen solitude?
How I treasure silence,
stillness baiting my muse

And is it my calm
that attracts chaos?
The sorrow of others
landing on my doorstep

What if I rejected pleas,
locked out the troubles?
How long can I sustain
peace until need answers?

(Tuesdays, I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own)

Advertisement

Discord

Does illness have a voice,
and if so; is it melancholy,
or dark and dank, divulging
deepest despair, or revealing
a vileness of nature?

Discord creeps along my veins,
disrupts muscles, systems failing
under the oppression –
“Stay strong,” friends counsel,
cannot hear the gathering storm,
feel the heaviness cloaking me.

I am not myself, but then;
who am I? Is disease a mutation
of the original sin – punishment
for fatal sins, or redemption
wrapped as trial – the whispers
gain clarity – I am faltering…

(Discord originally appeared here May, 2019. Image my own. Living with chronic, often debilitating disease, is an ongoing challenge. There is no cure, no end in sight, and yet, we must go on. This is for my fellow warriors, wondering, some days, what it is all about.)

Save Us

Discharge the gun –
protection a vessel
through which our depths
are undefined…adrift

Fear is a burrower
wears a false crown
births loss
trusts danger

Hearts beg,
amid this trigger-readiness
for a guardian – unafraid
to court this meaningless

Futility unchecked –
to study productive options
unimaginable in the current
state of chaos on repeat.

(Art my own)

Climbing Out

Bottomed out
sanity failing
nerves MIA
mind akimbo

Ladder building
walls of abyss
lack footholds
airless desperation

Rung one: faith
believe in God
believing in me
climbing blindfolded

Rung two: children
a reason for living
grasping strength
carving a path

Rung three: writing
ink bleeding pain
expunging futility
clawing for purpose

Rung four: friends
holding space
remembering self
blotted forgotten

Setting goals –
minimize focus
count progress
millimetre milestones

Surviving:
knuckles scraped
ego bruised
perspective altered