I’m returning the jewels
loaned to me
Settling
for smaller trinkets…
…a teddy bear
a paper parasol…
I know it’s been a while
but I haven’t forgotten
It’s harder these days
relying on others
Accommodations unnerve
so I stay away…
…a silver ring
a hat for Teddy…
It’s enough really
I haven’t much to spend
but your faith in me
means a lot
and warmed by our connection
I’m willing to invest…
I don’t need diamonds or pearls
just trinkets to remind me…
(Image my own)
Betrayal hugs with enthusiasm
public displays of warmth
so charming
Betrayal clutches vials
and pockets the laundry money
and gives a cheeky wink
Betrayal taps the shoulder
and ducks before the reveal
grins like the Cheshire cat
Plays me like a top
spinning, spinning,
and toppling hard
till I’m bent over
head between my legs
glancing backward
Sure that I just saw
the white rabbit,
out of breath
Each word a pill
making me bigger
or smaller
Then off with my head
Betrayal has made me a pawn
till it tires of me and moves on….
(Image my own.)
Love’s waters rise
defy the impossibility
of our sedentary walls –
tides and emotions
like sculptors
reshaping the contours
of opposition, softening
the places where hearts meet.
(Art my own)
To be as the nightjar,
identity hidden
in a nest of leaves
hunger for solitude
the time it takes
to heal soul wounds
Lies I tell myself –
true healing happens
with compassion
Sacred gift
of unconditional love
bestowed by a kindred heart
(Tuesdays, I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own)
Positioned scapegoat
remind me why? This exile
arid, confusing –
did not create the chaos;
merely tried to rescue you…
(Tuesday, I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own)
Do not apologize –
the fault lies not with you
Love, while lauded for its cures,
is not always compensation
for a life of turmoil –
I know you loved her
Watched as you let your dreams slide
heart wringing with your own sorrow
There was just something about her
men lined up to grasp… to make her
What? Theirs? Happy?
It was not to be
She barely possessed herself..
Even in death, I reach for her
try to define the ruse,
but her essence is elusive
No, you are not at fault…
for she was never really there.
(Mirage first appeared April, 2021. Image mine)
Division, the determining factor
in their relationship –
who can understand
the dynamics of blood ties?
Cracked images suggest
a camaraderie, at least
once upon a time, and who
recalls the cause of the rift?
Fixated on the anger
distance a monument
to the breach, till one dies
and the absence is cemented
(Image my own)
Even in togetherness there is distance.
I am alone.
A central figure, distracted,
aiming for contact –
unable to eviscerate control –
repeatedly producing a singular confusion.
Define success
Is it the one on the top,
the know-it-all,
or are these the mechanisms
of estrangement?
I am unable to discern-
stability never more than a dalliance.
The pavement ahead whispers
promises of a sense of belonging…
Can I tolerate the quest?
Unfulfilled, I am protective
fear off-shoots of depression,
shield tender inner places…
Bring on change, there are others
watching, looking to me
as an example.
I can strive
on their behalf
Never alone.
Always distances to cross.
(Distance first appeared here February, 2017. Image my own)
Quarrel started
over his choice
of reading material
She couldn’t compete
with centrefold perfection
but held her tongue
Afraid she wouldn’t win;
defended her innocence
when magazines disappeared
Sleepwalking doesn’t count
(Tuesdays, I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own)
Mother said: “Look after your sister!”
What she meant was: Take this burden
off my shoulders; I am no longer able to cope.
Father said: “Do as I say, not as I do!”
What he meant was: I don’t have the wherewithal
to deal with my own problems, so don’t bring me yours.
Sister said: “Be a good auntie!”
What she meant was: I am too young to be a mother,
and you are much more responsible, so take care
of my consequences.
So I ran away to build my own life:
met a man and married, bought a house,
had children, and dreamed of a future
that would erase the past… but
Husband said: “If you really loved me,
you’d lose weight, be less effusive, control
your temper, and be more supportive of my choices.”
What he meant was: I’m going to grind you so far
into the ground and then I’m going to cheat and cheat
and you’ll have nothing left inside to do anything about it.
And without a word, I left.
What I meant was: I am a real person
with needs of my own, and despite my faults
or limitations, I deserve better.
(This is an edited version of an older poem by the same name, December 2018. Image my own)
One Woman's Quest 