Girls are lucky: just need to find the right man – looked after for life. Advice from a teenaged brother.
Right! I yell back, fifty years later. It was all a vacation – raising the children on my own looking for God in the midst of chaos partners with wandering eyes or absent…always absent… still waiting for that “looking after”
And how did you make out, Brother Dear? Oh, that’s right… married … woman with a good job willing to let you putter in the background
“A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing. She goes where she will without pretence and arrives at her destination prepared to be herself and only herself.” – Maya Angelo
I fear living.
No, that’s not it.
I love living… …but I fear engagement… …drowning in engagement
Except, I love engagement… … but only when I dip my toe in the waters and feel the thrill… and can still maintain control.
I fear losing control. I fear no longer being able to call the shots, life demanding more of me than I’m willing (or able) to give.
I’m willing to give… … to a certain point… …can no longer afford to be sapped dry, wrung out and discarded… so much hurt so much betrayal… such lack of appreciation
I have given. I have loved and sacrificed and cherished and given… …up… …self
It’s self I’m afraid of losing and why not? I am only just able to touch her
She and I, still hesitant building a certainty a mutual admiration respect…
And should I be called upon to give…too much…well…
I could lose her again.
This is what I fear.
(Two separate blog posts hit me this week. The first offering the Angelo quotation (sorry, I can’t remember the blog’s name) and the second from my friend Dr Andrea Dinardo, who offers the question: What’s Under the Fear? Dr D offers a five step process for self-discovery. This is my response. Image my own. The poem also fits with my weekly challenge theme: except)