No Idea!

November 19, 2020November 18, 2020 V.J. Knutson33 Comments

Girls are lucky: just need to find the right man –
looked after for life.
Advice from a teenaged brother.

Right! I yell back, fifty years later.
It was all a vacation –
raising the children on my own
looking for God in the midst of chaos
partners with wandering eyes
or absent…always absent…
still waiting for that “looking after”

And how did you make out, Brother Dear?
Oh, that’s right… married
… woman with a good job
willing to let you putter in the background

Guess we were both misled.

(Image my own.)

culture · Family · life · poetry · writing

Familial

November 17, 2020November 2, 2020 V.J. Knutson18 Comments

History invents theorem
generation repeating
variations on a misery
absent fathers
mothers overwhelmed
heartache welded
into young psyches
till inspiration invites
a new hypothesis.

(Tuesdays I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own.)

life · poetry · writing

Down Is Right

November 8, 2020November 7, 2020 V.J. Knutson22 Comments

Been riding the down elevator too long
a slight detour, I once, long ago, thought

Ambitions set on Penthouses
and upper echelons of success

First, there is a trip I must make
a downward pull insisting –

See, it isn’t true what they say
that we can be whatever we want

It’s time to stop running,
stop chasing empty promises

I’m getting down to roots
causes and influences

history revealing a legacy
here in the depths of self

a final reckoning that bears light
seems I’ve miscalculated directions

I’ve been riding the down elevator
about to alight on revelation.

(For Reena’s Exploration Challenge #160. Image my own. Hayes is my maiden name.)

change · life · poetry · psychology

Indecisive

November 5, 2020November 4, 2020 V.J. Knutson20 Comments

Decisions weighty
I plan but am divided
half sailing; half cowering

Optimism cheery
experience berating

Nested in tradition
craving alternatives

Can I not see that plans
are investments,
overcome the fear
in favour of expansion.

(Writing this I am reminded of the saying: “I used to be indecisive; now I’m not so sure.” Image my own.)

aging · art · life · poetry

Frames

November 1, 2020November 1, 2020 V.J. Knutson42 Comments

Picture-perfect life
who doesn’t aspire?

I’ve reframed the image
time and time again

Searched for definition
in 5′ x 7′ then 8′ x 10′

But a creative soul
cannot be confined

frames now accents
for the life that flows.

For Reena’s Exploration Challenge #159. Images mine.

aging · life · poetry · psychology · women's issues · writing

That’s What I Fear

October 24, 2020October 23, 2020 V.J. Knutson47 Comments

“A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing. She goes where she will without pretence and arrives at her destination prepared to be herself and only herself.”
– Maya Angelo

I fear living.

No, that’s not it.

I love living…
…but I fear engagement…
…drowning in engagement

Except, I love engagement…
… but only when I dip my toe in the waters
and feel the thrill…
and can still maintain control.

I fear losing control. I fear no longer being able to call the shots, life demanding more of me than I’m willing (or able) to give.

I’m willing to give…
… to a certain point…
…can no longer afford to be sapped dry, wrung out
and discarded… so much hurt
so much betrayal…
such lack of appreciation

I have given.
I have loved and sacrificed and cherished and
given…
…up…
…self

It’s self I’m afraid of losing
and why not?
I am only just able to touch her

She and I, still hesitant
building a certainty
a mutual admiration
respect…

And should I be called upon
to give…too much…well…

I could lose her again.

This is what I fear.

(Two separate blog posts hit me this week. The first offering the Angelo quotation (sorry, I can’t remember the blog’s name) and the second from my friend Dr Andrea Dinardo, who offers the question: What’s Under the Fear? Dr D offers a five step process for self-discovery. This is my response. Image my own. The poem also fits with my weekly challenge theme: except)