Survivor Instinct

Buried alive by illness’ onset only hope for escape tunnel whose guilt-lined walls oozed mucous of neglect, sorrow so raw, shredded faith – no light just a dull pulse screaming – I am alive. (Chronic illness is a game changer.  No amount of ambition can turn the tide.  One is left to face the onslaught […]

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Roar!

Situational – term used to describe this current state – illness a thief perpetuates the crime – loss cavernous depression real and still, Spirit roars.

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Isolation’s Hold

Disability covets isolation – this stripped-back, box-like state. Rustic serenity, with room to breathe would be preferable but old memories creep in, and lack of self-worth leaves the door open phantoms of former torments unwanted visitors, shadowy invaders target loneliness, misconstrue lack of health for neediness, prey on weak – hearted, presume incapability. I am […]

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Insecurity Resolved

Unnerved by invitations – isolation equates with security – fear the onslaught of questions, the unleashing of a torrent – emotions flooding, crashing through this gated illusion – best to withdraw. Withdraw my best when gated by illusion crashing, emotions flood – need to tame this torrent question the onslaught, brave insecurity, negate isolation embrace […]

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Fogged

But for the beating of heart – a discordant rhythm – I am obliterated by fog – numbness of unanticipated loss clouded by dreams misted over – I await sun’s return….

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Spooning

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” Source: “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” by T.S. Eliot I line my spoons on the counter – measures of the day’s reserves one spoon for morning tea with a side of emails read a shower requires two or three with a guarantee of needed […]

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Numb

Pain no longer a threat having found numbness – semi-permanent vacation from insistence of chronic battles, this unchosen life. (Image from personal collection)

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Chronic Companion

She sits with me at breakfast, follows me to the park, hovers on the drive home, celebrates when I lie down, snuggles in with warming pad, and moans… Not a companion I would have chosen, preferred the active, athletic life, and yet She complains with me in the afternoon, invites excuses during dinner, grounds me […]

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The Queen Is Missing

She’s not in the kitchen presiding over preparations, thriving amidst the chatter, tutting away thieving fingers. She’s not in the classroom, mastering subjects, upholding order, ruling with charitable hand. Nor is she at social affairs, head bent in rapt attention, smiling cordially, gracious with compassion. The Queen is missing – the poise and composure that […]

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Ache

Sky darkens burdened clouds release sorrow in empathy body throbs – aching harmonics. (Twitter Tuesday @Vjknutson)

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