The Lie

I lied. The initial seed of disappointment has fermented, and in the absence of confrontation, grown roots written sorrowful chaptersconclusion: unworthiness Why couldn’t I just have said:I don’t understandthis makes me unhappy? Where did I learn that prevarication protectsthat I alone am responsible for emotionsthat I do not matter? Decades laterI still cannot uproot the […]

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Another Chapter Closes

House creaksferociousdecries starknessof bare wallsabsence of furniturefinality of boxesstacked and sealed Sleep eludes memind recallingpassages –his cancermy feartwist of fatethat left me housebound We could not stay herethis place chosen for healingturned prison “You’ve been good to us”I whisper, “Nowyou’ll favour someone else” She grumbles in responsethis old house, sharingmy trepidationof unknowns, changealways precarious Another […]

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Devilish This Fear

Devil borrowsTwilight’s voicetortures sensibility Tangled bedclothesgrumble, inflexiblebedmates – unsupportive Where is reason?my mind wailsheart drumming discord I access light, perch on edge of bedwill myself to breathe (My dear husband is in hospital again, his fifth surgery to reconstruct his knee. It’s been a long ordeal and my heart bleeds for him. Fear is an […]

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Even Ghosts Yearn

Natural light preferable to artificial – not the harshfullness of noonday sunbut softly filtered rays –luxurious…inviting Love too, should be subdued,gentle as a zephyr –not mythical, but yielding…mindfulnot worshipful nor boastfulbut comforting…warm I am waning lightthe mistral wind waftingno longer a force of naturebut smoke, spirallingvanishing into non-existence And yet, even as shadows spreadI yearn […]

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Liberated?

Call myself liberatedbut this modern woman’sshadow arches backwardsfinds its reflection in legacies How can I forgive my own failingswhen their tale takes root inoppression and abuses long passed?Liberated a misnomer. (Image my own.)

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Passive/Aggressive

Urgency and age, well acquaintedIs it Celestine, this drawor a fateful sense of lacking? Time ticks a cringeworthy rhythminsists I pay attention – Fine!say I, lingering over a defiant tea Passive is my denialaggressive is the fearTomorrow, I tell myself. ( Tuesdays, I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own.)

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Need A Verb

Movement abandonsI grasp for something…concrete……air to breathe… am fast becoming…sedimentary…an object Need a verb –transitive –to drive me – The wind lifted herThe sun inspired herThe day healed her… (Image my own)

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Attitude Wins

If I measure progressby “used-to’s”illness and age win I used to play tennisspeed and muscleease of ambition This place, the nexus of how life has changed,teaches me appreciation Frost in my veinspermanent, warmthof memories aglow. (Image my own.Tuesdays, I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson)

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Dancing

Wary of ruts –lies I tell myselfsprouting roots,impending progress. Yet, without rootshow am I defined?Does impermanencenot also leave a stain? The ground shiftsbeneath meand I danceimperfectly inventing a rhythmthat defies ruts,mocks impermanenceand eludes definition. (Dancing first appeared here in May, 2018. Image my own.)

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Beat Goes On

Big band galasSeaside dancehallsSwing dancingMen in uniformMemory-soakeddaydreams likeshots of adrenalinearthritic fingers tapto a distant tune. (Tuesdays, I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson.Image my own)

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