Boxes are filling up around us. We’re making a dent in our to-do lists. Doubt seeps in. Are we doing the right thing?
Then I remember all the reasons behind making this choice and affirm:
We are dismantling one life to build another, purposeful existence.
The movers need to be arranged, and the closets sorted and packed, and when was the last time we bought groceries….
Head and attention are going in too many directions at once, and I’m exhausted before I get started. Might be a little cranky too.
The stress of moving is real.
Sidestepped comfort
dared to breach
personal boundaries
Knew it was a stretch
Uncouth, this bodily response
pain penetrating
Dark thoughts wrestling
inner rebel smirking
I gleaned a moment of freedom
But at what cost?
(ME/cfs is characterized by exhaustion following exertion. Post Exertional Malaise (PEM) is the result, causing symptoms to flare.)
On our family chat, the kids have been making fun of the number of times I have moved house. Later, my daughter ask me about it.
“Don’t you feel funny about leaving all the ties you’ve made?” she asked.
“The ties that matter stay intact,” I assure her. “It’s the adventure of the new that I am looking forward to. Change always leads to good things.”
Well, in my experience anyway.
With the house sold, and our new abode decided upon, I can finally focus on the task ahead of me. One step at a time, moving forward.
Oh, the fluidity
Of childhood days
Splashing and skipping along
The path meandering, directionless
When does life acquire edges
Doors and hallways hindering?
Led by asphalt and time clocks
Obligations too numerous to count.
My own body has become a cell
Movement stiffened, mind rigid
It’s those childhood memories
Soul ingrained, keep me fluid.
(Image my own)
Growing up, I thrived on being the responsible one. Need something done, someone to bail you out, an issue to be confronted – I was your girl. Until I wasn’t anymore. One day something snapped in me and that house of cards came tumbling down.
Sometimes it’s hard to see the ugly truth and yet, seeing with clarity is the only thing that helps us break the destructive cycles.
After a few days of negotiations, we have sold the house! Such a relief.
Now to find our next home, but that’s for another day. Just grateful we are doing all this while the garden is still in bloom.
