The decision has been made – it is time for us to move on to the next stage of life.
The house will be sold and we shall look for a smaller, rental apartment. It hasn’t been easy coming to this conclusion, and it won’t be easy making the transition, but excitement is part of the equation.
We will be moving back to the city, closer to family, and doctors, and all conveniences.
Now the purge and pack begins.
Acceptance, wisdom, and openness are at my side: three gifts to guide me.
Celebrated 68 years (on this earth) this past weekend with visits from friends and family. Pictured is my husband with our youngest granddaughter. Young and old enjoyed delicious food, laughter, and those precious one-on-one interactions.
I lied.
The initial seed of disappointment has fermented,
and in the absence of confrontation, grown roots
written sorrowful chapters
conclusion: unworthiness
Why couldn’t I just have said:
I don’t understand
this makes me unhappy?
Where did I learn that prevarication protects
that I alone am responsible for emotions
that I do not matter?
Decades later
I still cannot uproot the weed.
The lie remains.
(Image my own)
“When you sit in silence long enough, you learn that silence has a motion. It glides like water. Its colour is silver. And silence has a sound you hear only after hours of wading inside it. The sound is soft, like flute notes rising up, like the words of glass speaking. Then there comes a point when you must shatter the blindness of its words the blindness of its light.”
Growing up fifth of six kids, I learned that life was chaos and noise. It was where I thrived. Always shared a room, and later, an apartment, and marriage, and my own children, and when finally silence found me, it was shattering. It took a long while for me to appreciate the gift in silence, and like anything in life, I had to learn not to rest there too long.
Balance and moderation. That’s what I seek.
But, oh, I do love silence.
What an incredible weekend! Dinner with my husband on Friday night, followed by a movie (Moana) with our kids and grandkids – a first for newly four Fatima. Then another birthday on Sunday for our now fourteen-year-old granddaughter, as well as a lunch and round of cards with friends.
I have done more in a weekend than in all of last year. Exhausted and full of joy.
As night falls, the sun
serenades my soul –
Beauty wraps my heart
in somnolent ecstacy
paints my mood
with shades of love
reality out of focus –
imagination floats, full sail
into a dreamy mist,
delightful course,
a symphony of hues
coaxing welcome slumber.
(Image my own)
I love this quotation. I feel as if ‘cynicism’ has long been a companion of mine. She creeps into my writing and undermines my sleep. She is overridden, however, by my desire to make a difference.
As a teacher, I had plenty of opportunities to offer hope and substance to my students, but that has changed now. Age and illness have greatly reduced my contact with others. The striving is harder, and yet, just as applicable.
A teacher of mine once said that we are like tuning forks – our vibration, our energy, our attitude influencing those around us.
I keep these words close to mind. A worthy goal for living each day.
Like this Carolina Wren, I’m fixing my gaze on the unknown, senses alert. Temperatures are rising, we’re almost half way through July, and I’m feeling my determination strengthen. What change is on the horizon?
I’ll be over here pondering.
One Woman's Quest 