I drink the backwash
of hollowed out promises
Is it me, invites indifference
expectations so low, self
gowned in layered shame?
How do I learn otherwise
break this toxic pattern
if not in pursuit of love?
(Tuesdays I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own)
Rebellion rages in my veins, Dreamcatcher,
so tightly wound I have blocked hope
I want to be good – a good girl –
like that man of God says
but his preaching ways violate
prophecies a cover for sin
and I am so sullied that I fear
love will distain me.
How did I get here, Dreamcatcher
childhood a lost notion –
I try to minister to the past,
but Father’s sermonizing possesses
even in death, his will a barricade
I need guidance to help me emerge
I’m an unreliable navigator, Dreamcatcher,
oppression’s familiar, no high able to release me
suspicion of promises nauseates
I’m tired of facades – good girl facades –
locked in this nightmare
won’t you please help me out?
(For Eugi’s Weekly prompt: dreamcatcher. Art my own)
This outer toughness
just conditioning
a baby alligator
that’s me
Raised in a swamp
Eat or be eaten!
family mantra, and
Deal with it!
I know it’s a lot
to take in
see the disbelief
in civilized eyes
Resistance to oppression
begets deeper wounds
Fear taught me well
Survival, they say, of the fittest.
(For Reena’s Xploration challenge: featured image is prompt.)
Concrete is cold, imposing
does nothing for aesthetics
At least we’re protected,
I tell the littles, ignoring
Snot dripping, slime
oozing from unsealed
windowsills, cobwebs
and bits of shedding pink
It’s the best I can do:
four walls and a roof.
Except the ceiling
is bulging, mold and rot
certain to rain down on us
While upstairs, the man
ignores the leaks, luxuriates
in his abundance…Momma
Said marry a rich man,
you’ll be set for life,
but it’s dawning on me
there’s more to it than that.
(For Eugi’s Weekly prompt: dawning. Image mine)
I wade through the muck
of your vocal excretions
anxious to mend the schism
What species of human
are you, would fabricate
such lies, impose such pain
And what species am I
that would tolerate it;
strive for reparation?
(Image my own)
Had a weird sort of lexicon
the man who professed
to be my dad –
Clamped in his chokehold
he’d demand words of devotion
Became inured to this dichotomy –
spent a lifetime searching for love –
Just the right balance of cruelty and kind.
(Tuesdays, I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Sketch mine.)
Mistake
Beg forgiveness
Repeat
Appearances sanitize past
Push dirt under the rug
Smother recall
Reason can be fraud
common sense out of order
Suspicions merit
an ear, listen
over din of betrayal.
(For Reena’s Exploration Challenge #135: quotation. “Always listen twice. First what’s being said, then who said it.” Image my own.)
Green eyes captivate,
he whispers, warm hand
resting on youthful thigh
Stomach somersaults
reviled by whiskey breath
yellowed fingers clutching
Not these eyes! I stand
tossing my drink in his face;
coming of age moment.
Legends make
and legends break
and some are clouds
for truth…
We stalk fame
Wear blinders
Deny greed
Worship lust
Somber propositions
streaked with blood
outsmart watchful eyes
Run to save the children
those vulnerable ones
wounds still tender
No matter how guarded
no matter how impenetrable the walls
expose the beast, fight the devil
Let truth define the legend.
(Written for all those women, men, and children exploited by the famous and powerful. Linking up with Eugi’s Causerie weekly prompt: legend.)
Adept at uprooting,
conditioned to follow chaos –
know my place there.
Kindness unsettles –
each ray piercing
cracking the crust
unleashing a prism
both painful and joyous –
legacy of dysfunction.
(Poem from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image from personal collection.)
One Woman's Quest 