Hiding Shame

When did guilt obviatethe need for sustenance? This deipnophobia paralyzingheartless stares dredge up my truth: insatiable hungerneed to stuff down emotion the certainty that I deservedthe abuse – endless shame My fork traces the outlinesseparates food groups My mind makes mental notesof what I’ll gorge on later. (Deipnophobia is the fear of dining in public. […]

Read More

Toxic

I drink the backwashof hollowed out promises Is it me, invites indifferenceexpectations so low, selfgowned in layered shame? How do I learn otherwisebreak this toxic patternif not in pursuit of love? (Tuesdays I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own)

Read More

Ingredients and Outcomes

Ingredients for despair –illness, COVID, loss –all meted…Never did follow recipes I see only openingspotential for enrichmenthow the lens has powerto ruminate or celebrate (Art my own)

Read More

This Is How It Happens

Cherubic and reekinggrief’s pallor heavyhe comes to me Of course, he doesI am schooled in compassionseldom flinch at raw pain I attend to the woundslisten; reassurebut I am weary My own sorrow unattendedloss and betrayal an inner bleedknow I have only so much to give But he is not alone,there is anothera mere child… Cherubic […]

Read More

Exorcism Required

It was desireled me hereburied me alive Lust borrowedfrom lonelinesshis heart a tomb Flesh from fleshcan be extractedpsyche requires exorcism. (Tuesdays, I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own.)

Read More

Solitude (3)

Solitude.I dream ofpanoramic silence –breathtakingboundless sanctity. Solitude.Wrapped in separatenesscardboard walls fallencurling corners of instability –no refuge in stillness. Solitude.Smothering starknessmadness reverberatingcanyons of alonenessoverbearing. Solitude.Persevereregale momentsfeathered encountersfaces on screenstendernessin voices. Solitude.Grace finds memercy lifts soulpossibilityopens the doorpanoramic. (This is a rewrite of an older poem, last appearing here in August, 2018. I submit it for Reena’s […]

Read More

Talking To Myself

Tripping over guilthow I need to make amends Meanwhile, charity leaves me vulnerable Lose credibility,momentum No longer a pick up for othersditched without a lifeline *** These are but feelingsI’m more comfy couchthan utility vehicleand credibility –well that’s earned Pick myself upwade through vulnerabilitygrateful for giving handssome amends best leftto the lessons gainedguilt not worth […]

Read More

Marketably Obtuse?

I seek the elusive –organize thoughtsattempt to drawreason from obtuse Project possibilityinto unattainablehoping to acquiremarketable commodity Refuse to acknowledgehappiness is subjectiveand bliss reservedfor those who let go. (Tuesdays I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own.)

Read More

Feigning Failure

In Calculus, I excelledthough I’d never say –intellect, the monster,rendered me target. Lesson learnedI feigned disinterestmimicked others’ struggletucked the tests results away Principles of calculusno longer apply –shame of capabilitystill a failing grade.

Read More

Nature of Age

Evening beckonssun’s fiery glowmocks my unrest I am knee deepin river’s flowno more than sediment beneathhuman craving – Earth’s healinga welcome touch.

Read More