Pain creeps into every corner
Doubt don’s construction boots
tramples on my backbone
threatens to undermine
I have purpose, goddammit!
A reason to rise, to feel, to live!
Cannot afford to cower
societal whims and
ensuing insecurity be gone!
(Tuesdays, I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own)
Pain.
I push against it
challenge it
A warrior intent
on proving
I am…
indestructible
unwilling
to flinch
Convinced
that denial
equals power
Except, it gnaws
at my edges
tears me down
bit by bit
Just as I prepare
to succumb…
clarity
…this is invitation
…surrender is a gift
…pain is passage
I let go
absolve myself
of the need….
(Pain first appeared on One Woman’s Quest II in June of 2016.
It has been edited here. Art my own.)
Rain has returned
Winter’s fickle nature
overturning hope
I cower beneath
bedsheets, body
on fire – await
an impulse greater
than this pain –
creativity the antidote.
(Tuesdays I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own.
How is it the sky knows
the heart’s secrets?
My blood simmers
infernal this pain
A stream of clouds
lit by a fiery horizon
reflects what words
cannot express
How is it the sky knows?
Adept at uprooting,
conditioned to follow chaos –
know my place there.
Kindness unsettles –
each ray piercing
cracking the crust
unleashing a prism
both painful and joyous –
legacy of dysfunction.
(Poem from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image from personal collection.)
Pain no longer a threat
having found numbness –
semi-permanent vacation
from insistence of
chronic battles,
this unchosen life.
(Image from personal collection)
Brought you my pain –
swaddled like a baby,
a tiny fledgling
not yet ready to fly –
craved nurturing –
missed the hawkish glint,
the vicious drool –
all remnants of sanity
now shredded.
She sits with me at breakfast,
follows me to the park,
hovers on the drive home,
celebrates when I lie down,
snuggles in with warming pad,
and moans…
Not a companion
I would have chosen,
preferred the active,
athletic life, and yet
She complains with me
in the afternoon, invites
excuses during dinner,
grounds me in the evenings
and tosses me at bedtime
Not a companion
I would have chosen,
but at least I’ll grant her this –
she’s chronically devoted.
Lured by azure waters,
the promise of carefree days,
I cruise ocean’s waters,
dream myself exotic.
Grey clouds loom, mock
this pretence – waves swell
crash, blacken horizon –
delusion loosing ground.
What force is this,
drags me into aphotic depths,
insists I swim in darkness?
Have I not proven tenacity,
claimed a place amongst the willing?
It is not light, I seek – too sinful
for redemption – just the solace
of familiar grey….
Am not the woman my children once called Mother –
can see the disappointment in their anger-blotched
expressions, feel the constraint in their voices –
distance between us tugs on my heart, plays with
my conscience, as if illness is choice – a contrived
plot to rob them of their expectations –
hope they can forgive me before it’s too late;
hope they can forgive themselves.
One Woman's Quest 