I chase dreams
never daring to rise
beyond the water line
keeping to the reeds
and shoreline of familiarity
afraid of being shot down
Afraid that dreams aren’t mine
to claim, that I am damned
doubled cursed as woman
and child of sin
I will fall often
drown in pools of stagnation
till one days these wings
A mind of their own
will lift me up
and catch those dreams.
(Afraid To Fly appeared here June 2019.
Art my own)
Alternate realities
parallell linear mindset
Ego-less forays into
magical mysteries –
answers secondary
Float in ecstatic
ethereal landscapes
kaleidoscopic hues
Behold irrationality
a mad whirlwind of oneness
convening in momentary flash
The portal’s open
step aboard –
ensure your ticket
is round trip.
(For Eugi’s Weekly prompt: magic.
This is a rewrite of a poem formerly titled: Meet You At The Station.
Art my own.)
Descending
into the mythical
entranced
spurred by
severity of
current challenge
Call it fantasy
but attempting
movement is
destroying
my passage
I am pulling,
shattering
this barricade
of a life; blue
progressing:
ocean bound.
(Mermaid Dreams was originally written in December of 2016, two years bedridden. Only in the dreamtime was I whole and capable of overcoming. Dreams are one thing I can talk about for thirty minutes without preparation: my challenge this week. Image my own.)
She rises from the river –
a culmination of my prayers
and tears, I suppose
Eyes glow with a ungodly hunger
Is she predator or night prowler
I wonder, frozen from fright
Disinterested in ego, ignoring
perfection, she multiplies
her energy frenetic
I try to harness her,
tame the primal, raw force
fear I cannot house her
But she is no one’s property
moves with fluidity, a shapeshifter
mythical in her stride
Like Eve, she is original sin
searching for deeper meaning
beyond this man-made paradise.
(Image and poem originated in a dream. Not sure I did the message justice but it begged delivery.)
Talk to me of horses
the young man says
thin locks of blonde matted
on a sweaty brow, flashes of blue
that fade as eyes succumb
to weariness, the constant
whoosh, whoosh of respirator.
Talk to me of horses:
the world is losing its grip
and I care not about
the weather or car mechanics,
but I dream of horses
and I am feeling so emotional –
help me understand.
So, I come daily to his bedside
wait for moments of lucidity
ponder the implications
of his questions, wrestle with
my own inadequacies –
I am merely student here.
We discuss horses –
the power of their bodies
their beauty and grace
their role throughout history –
decide they are ferrymen
transporting souls across worlds –
an explanation that satisfies, then…
I am seeing things, he strains
embarrassed even in these final hours
to describe what seems inconceivable,
between sleep and awake, figures
grey and frightening hover over
my bed like body snatchers….
A chill runs over me, as if icy
fingers have caressed my skin
and I shudder despite myself
scramble to maintain calm
wonder aloud if it is not just fear
projecting grey into light
clouding his vision.
I missed his passing the next day
arriving to find his mother waiting
“He left you a message,” her eyes
quizzical, “says that you were right
about the visions; there was nothing to fear”
I smile through the grief –
ever the teacher that one
now dead at twenty-one
“Oh, and one more thing”, she adds “
“Could you talk to me of horses?”
(Talk to Me of Horses first appeared her in April 2018. This version has been edited slightly. Image my own.)
Rebellion rages in my veins, Dreamcatcher,
so tightly wound I have blocked hope
I want to be good – a good girl –
like that man of God says
but his preaching ways violate
prophecies a cover for sin
and I am so sullied that I fear
love will distain me.
How did I get here, Dreamcatcher
childhood a lost notion –
I try to minister to the past,
but Father’s sermonizing possesses
even in death, his will a barricade
I need guidance to help me emerge
I’m an unreliable navigator, Dreamcatcher,
oppression’s familiar, no high able to release me
suspicion of promises nauseates
I’m tired of facades – good girl facades –
locked in this nightmare
won’t you please help me out?
(For Eugi’s Weekly prompt: dreamcatcher. Art my own)
Wee rowan lad
drums me into night
a fabled rhythm
conjuring mystical
oneiric encounters
There is freedom
in dreaming
slipping ego’s hold
soul taking flight
There is sorrow too
for when the drummer’s
song is done
morning must come.
(Tuesdays I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own.)
Fancy myself pragmatic
but these cherubic faces
render me nostalgic
Not for the times –
for they were hard –
but for the ideal lost
Speculate on failings
shallow expectations,
pray I did enough.
(Found this old photograph of my two girls.)
Tripping over guilt
how I need to make amends
Meanwhile, charity
leaves me vulnerable
Lose credibility,
momentum
No longer a pick up for others
ditched without a lifeline
***
These are but feelings
I’m more comfy couch
than utility vehicle
and credibility –
well that’s earned
Pick myself up
wade through vulnerability
grateful for giving hands
some amends best left
to the lessons gained
guilt not worth the trouble.
(Much of my poetry is derived from dreamwork. Dreams use exaggeration and humour to evoke understanding. In this poem, I am able to see both at play, leading me to the more empowering response. Thanks for reading. Image my own.)
The place remains in my dreams
like a movie set preserved…
Have assigned each room
a critique – disclosed the crimes
Yet, it remains, like a beacon
draws me to it, begs reflection
What if I could go back
now that I can breathe
Now that I’ve laid claim to maturity
would I discover a sudden windfall
makeover conditioned motifs
reevaluate ceiling heights
with resources to remodel
heart open, connected
might I uncover abundance
like a personal embrace.
(For Reena’s Exploration Challenge: featured image.)
One Woman's Quest 