Category: life

Relationship Saboteur

Open to sisterhood,
letting my guard down,
pledging reliability

Just can’t find suitably
sparkly holder to house
my pragmatism, hate

being second-rate
when it comes to
abundance; I am

solid, ebony, earthen
know that I have value
but cannot locate it –

maybe a little contraband
would loosen my subconscious
permit release, have been

the subject of anti-social
musings, imposed by a
mother, overwhelmed

who cared to be with a
narcissist; have speculated,
imbibed, cried righteous

intolerance – all a hunt
for independence, an exit,
reversal of tracks, gears

turning; I am charcoal
shining, aged, more than
this singular identity

useful to excess, yet
unfamiliar with protocols
suspicious of kindness

would sell everything
I have, give up the search
reveal a playful ( lapsed )

side, revisit old strengths
to discover a new order
but the former glitter

like surplussed sequins
puckering plenitude –
without light, I am worn

questioning widowhood
once married to intention
now misplaced, purpose

stashed under so much
debris, would need willing
interloper to rifle through

help me find my dreams:
shared responsibility implied
only betrayers welcome.

(Image: www.personalityprogram.com)

 

 

Hatched

She’s in the kitchen
cleaning, prepping
sweetness;  wishes

to nurture childlike
longings – sugar laden
gifts, honeyed chops

hooks her men with
culinary preciseness
as legend prescribes

wants a strong, reliable
type to stir her ovaries
keep her dishing up love

disapproval, like raw egg
drips off her china plates
shame of misadventures
she cannot scrub away

only serves tea now,
the smell of liquor –
mingled with cigarette
and lecherous calloused
hands turns her stomach

avoids the coffee maker
in the same way, despises
the way the bitter brew
makes her head spin –
wits need to be in order

has settled now as hostess
caters to near strangers
whose attention, riveted
by television screens, are

lulled by the rhythmic
sounds of her sanitizing
while eggs cook on stove,
dreams of romance shelved.

(Image: bunnysvintagevictory.blogspot.com)

 

 

Unbridled

Tender as a fledgling, angelic
curls confrontational, she bears
emotions with courage, femininity
unkempt, pridefully engages
creatures – pests to most – believes

in messengers, blessed with manna,
heaven-sent; draws her strength
from within, a daring soul, plunges
deep, pursues wholeness – cherished
vulnerability, unpolished, loyal

mimics nature, her innocence persuasive,
fear and protectiveness retreat, helpless
in face of the adventures that call to her;
she is submerged, infiltrating enchantment,
unruly – does not measure progress by scars

unaware of wounding, responds only
to the magical sense of play – a limbo –
instinctively trusting, sweet, views the
world from perches treetop high, wills
herself to fly with dragonfly wings.

In time, innocence will be intercepted
by practicality: Fate’s swift hand cutting
her down, she will be victim, react to
adversity, learn to mother, the wildness
of her youth chiseled by expectations

She will learn to wade through swamps,
acknowledge pain and her own inadequacy,
overcome and face life anew, the memory
of a freer time, a more wily self, fleeting –
the child in her more myth than memory.

(Photo from Pinterest, attributed to:
Joanne Quirante Escober)

Invitation Anxiety

Social invitations sing
of acceptance, delightful
opportunity to intermingle

for the hale, the rehearsed,
practiced in the choreography
of wardrobe appropriateness

disability cringes – NO!
contrived behaviour suitable
for enacting a script too stressing

compromised memory can’t learn
lines – intellect impaired, not
improv-friendly – RETREAT!

isolation a recurring sentence,
illness the jailor; except anxiety
has replaced physical challenge

only Will holds option’s key –
attire no excuse: tossed together
clothing apt gear for gatherings

pretense overcomes stage fright
a worthwhile role for any story,
especially one notably improved.

(Image: bestfriendsforfrosting.com)

 

 

Questing

Quiet!  the oft heard command
of childhood echoes inwardly

as if our home was a library
our privileges reduced to silent

study – passes given for good
behaviour – suppressed spirits

voiceless observers of a soap
played out before an audience

of five, bystanders really, forced
to watch, unable to comprehend

the brutal acts, the cruelty borne,
praying for a final curtain, even

our own – I shattered then, self
defined by so many fragments:

the curly-haired poppet, whose
smile delighted, entertained,

the responsible, no-nonsense
intellect, cold-hearted, defensive

the healer, psychologist, family
counselor, with an ear for all

the stable, well-adjusted son
dependable, always on hand

the closet worrier, introspective
self-harming, clothed in shame

wanted to be best, outperform
the others, find my own spotlight

needed to latch on to education
carve a place for myself, could not

concentrate, the guidance received
disconcerting, unreliable, no parent

to secure the necessities, to fuel
my ambition, only a poorly casted

performance robbing me of purpose,
of identity, the courage to proceed

lost myself in the hiding places
intimidated by a disgruntled father

misled by an emotionally absent
mother – a survivor, perhaps, and

yet I search, crave a knowing –
an understanding of essential self

not a glittery, star-crusted version,
but a well-worn edition, creative

inspiring, practical: a vessel
in which to hold life’s abundance.

(Image: radiantselfcare.com)

 

 

 

 

Whale Dreams

(Note:  Messages from the dreamtime inspire much of my poetry, and as an experiment, I decided to revisit an old dream, from May 2013, and see what new insights it might deliver.  The original posting, entitled “Whale Dreaming”, can be viewed here. )

Exposed we are, voyageurs,
crossing a great expanse –
one tiny vessel bearing
the weight of our lives,
two oars to navigate

Unknown depths below
and shadows, murky –
we push on. Row. Row.
sights set on new land
uncharted possibilities

a shape emerges –
great hulking mass
of being, parting waters
rising and transforming
a caricature of our fear

I am mesmerized, read
divinity’s presence, he
shrugs, pragmatically
notes the St. Lawrence
is home to such mammals

I dream of whales, crave
communion, project
mystical wisdom, equate
size with spirit, marvel
at potential connections

Just as I wait for a sign
from the departed, inviting
a simpler life, inspiring hope –
a shore life from which
I can observe the numinous.

Dialogue

Road behind is collapsing
remain upbeat, continue

a trail of childhood tears
practice giving, don’t falter

the past a faulty messenger
focus on beauty, facing forward

memories storm, threaten
Keep travelling, let go of concern

fears, like locusts, plague
work hard, be positive

anger rumbles, grows wings
be at peace, future brings promise

pain, ignorant of time, persists
rest awhile, open to possibility

the path is burning, consuming
passion seeks an outlet, a voice

broken parts craving protection
surrender to catharsis of creativity

(Image:  cafepress.com)

Family Trappings

Mother, twice married,
conveys reluctance,
exaggerates fear –
charted history
obstacles a given.

Father’s outing
perpetuates disconnection
anxiety replacing
communication
group wishes null

Sister desires crack –
living spectacle –
addiction barrier
to forgotten
privilege

Husband’s end plan
race transmissions –
dispossessed of
direction –
a dreamer

Fodder for gossip –
elaborate gong show –
we are lost navigators
memories relative
routes amusing

I visit nostalgia –
repetitive missives –
host allowances
hope for justice
a transfer point.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Retirement

Sought-out careers stagnant
communication with colleagues
soaked with commitments –
underlying imposed courtesy

we are doubly dependent –
mutual caregivers supporting
water treading, our authority
drowning in preset obligations

Past dwellings, connections
sopped with history, hold on –
leftover dregs, stale-dated –
their validity disappearing,

We are overcoming, debriefing,
navigating release, minimilizing
plan to alter direction, trade
accommodations, rest willingly

have boarded sanctity – a timely
cubicle of release, slotting an exit,
having transformed belonging –
are wrung out seeking drier ground.