culture · disability · health · ME/ CFS · poetry · writing

Insecurity Resolved

Unnerved by invitations –
isolation equates with security –
fear the onslaught of questions,
the unleashing of a torrent –
emotions flooding, crashing
through this gated illusion –
best to withdraw.

Withdraw my best
when gated by illusion
crashing, emotions flood –
need to tame this torrent
question the onslaught, brave
insecurity, negate isolation
embrace the invitations.

(Tuesdays, I borrow from my Twitter poems. Follow me @Vjknutson.  The first stanza is the original poem.  I left it here,  then unsatisfied, decided to turn it upside down and create a new outcome. .  Image from personal collection.)

Family · life · poetry

Present

I am losing ground,

disinterest piling up,
suffocating – I moan

childish communication
enraged, and humiliated,
hurt; my opinion more

impulse than acceptable
relatives bitch, correct,
dethrone me – an outsider
sidling in, like a politician

mingling, lingering, attacked
why am I so dependent
on this oddball interaction?

celebration is just a formality
and my enthusiasm misplaced

but at least, I am present.

disability · life · mental-health · poetry · recovery

Invitation Anxiety

Social invitations sing
of acceptance, delightful
opportunity to intermingle

for the hale, the rehearsed,
practiced in the choreography
of wardrobe appropriateness

disability cringes – NO!
contrived behaviour suitable
for enacting a script too stressing

compromised memory can’t learn
lines – intellect impaired, not
improv-friendly – RETREAT!

isolation a recurring sentence,
illness the jailor; except anxiety
has replaced physical challenge

only Will holds option’s key –
attire no excuse: tossed together
clothing apt gear for gatherings

pretense overcomes stage fright
a worthwhile role for any story,
especially one notably improved.

(Image: bestfriendsforfrosting.com)

 

 

dreams · health · Humour · life · mental-health · poetry · recovery

Party Adverse

Will not catch me gavotting
at a party in the Carly Simon
vein – am reluctant at best,
certain my flaws are neon,
fear scrutinizing attention.

Throw a boss in the mix
and I am all bumble, cringe
with each idiotic phrase I
utter, terrified to implode –
immortalize my inadequacy.

Course, it’s all nonsense –
arrogance really, to imagine
others give me a second
thought, and typically, once
I settle in, I find a groove.

Seems I possess a certain
expertise, have endeared
trust;  in fact, in my self –
absorption have forgotten
to prepare my boundaries

protect against the influx
of attention seekers craving
validation or advice from me.
Isn’t this a strange state of
affairs; I the coward suddenly

thrust into such a position,
but such is life – pain begets
compassion; a trained listener
when it comes to issues of
the heart and mind – despite

personal misgivings, I find
a place, am challenged to set
aside imagined criticisms, even
actual betrayals, and extend a
hand to someone in greater need.

Might even be inspired to offer
an invitation – momentarily losing
sight of social anxiety – dress
myself up in empathy and break
bread with another – imagine!