The certainty of yesterday
has slipped our grasp
light deflecting truth
tosses us into the abstract
I ponder process
and outcomes,
will my mind to carry me
gliding between thermals
dissolving into vapours
Some realities
too hard to bear –
dislodged
we tread the indeterminate.
(Poem originally appeared on One Woman’s Quest II, December ’19. Image my own)
Walking away is the only solution
I’ve ever excelled at, and yet,
absence does not obliterate
that which dwells within
I can pretend that I have nothing
to offer, but life and circumstance
require more: challenge me
to exhume remaining potential
Am I up to the task?
There is flattery in being looked up to,
the feeling that someone needs me –
but that is akin to temptation –
an ego play…
Could it be that wisdom acquired
has merit only when shared,
that we are all here to do our part,
that we are meant to engage?
Will I find a flow, rediscover
a synchronicity, reignite
a passion, and belong again?
Dare I hope?
(I first wrote this poem, two and half years into a debilitating illness that kept me bed bound. This version is edited, and I chose to share it now as a reminder not to give up. The answer to the questions posed is a resounding “Yes!” Image my own)
so seldom
do we address
the issue
frightened, perhaps
by the shadows,
the underlying
darkness –
or is ignorance
a more comfortable
state: a numbing
defiance?
(I once wrote poems for Twitter, but it seems to have lost its charm. Image my own.)
Cage me –
watch me grow …
my essence is strong
my will fierce –
cannot confine
brilliance…
destiny
Challenges rub,
ruffle feathers,
discomfort short-lived,
we are meant to soar –
obstacles don’t define
response does.
(Willful first appeared here June, 2020. Art my own)
I didn’t know about the wasps
before I had carried my toddler
across the darkened room
laid her in a bed, crawling
Clutched her sleeping body
close to my chest, turned
to retreat, but the swarm
gathered there at the door
My cousin punched a hole
in a wall, unable to discern
the exit in a smoke-filled room.
The hole remains; she doesn’t
Strangers came to her funeral
drawn by the mystery of the girl
(name unknown) who died
such a tragic death, just 18.
How did this invasion happen
how was I remiss in noticing
that this house of potential
was being consumed by threat?
Unlike my ill-fated kin,
I knew where the door was
braved it to save my child
ignored the prophetic warning
Look back at the ruins now –
hers and mine – the patterns
of abandonment, familial
neglect, disinterest a plague
How we women try to please
carry our children through
the flames, choking on
disappointment… hope
A man lit the flame that killed her,
just as a man suffocated my spirit
threads of sanity carrying me
till my mind escaped the wasps
(Ink and watercolour mine)
This trail is a trial:
I’ve wheeled myself
through impossible
terrains, battled
unforgiving odds
regained purpose…
Is this resilience
or a stubborn refusal
to surrender, and…
who will dare criticize?
(Tuesdays, I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own)
Bottomed out
sanity failing
nerves MIA
mind akimbo
Ladder building
walls of abyss
lack footholds
airless desperation
Rung one: faith
believe in God
believing in me
climbing blindfolded
Rung two: children
a reason for living
grasping strength
carving a path
Rung three: writing
ink bleeding pain
expunging futility
clawing for purpose
Rung four: friends
holding space
remembering self
blotted forgotten
Setting goals –
minimize focus
count progress
millimetre milestones
Surviving:
knuckles scraped
ego bruised
perspective altered
Pain creeps into every corner
Doubt don’s construction boots
tramples on my backbone
threatens to undermine
I have purpose, goddammit!
A reason to rise, to feel, to live!
Cannot afford to cower
societal whims and
ensuing insecurity be gone!
(Tuesdays, I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own)
So much I want to say,
yet the oppression of opposition
stomps heavily on my airways
cutting off the flow
Daughter of a trans father
mother contemplating MAiD –
embroiled in controversy,
I see only injustice
Cannot fathom the hatred
the railing against books
and glamour, and science,
misappropriation of christianity
How am I supposed to grieve;
take up arms for those I love,
when I am silenced before I speak
judgments cast without a thought?
If I could have a word,
if anyone would listen
I would share, perhaps insight
into the lives of secrets held
Describe how hearts wilt
beneath cruelty of suppression
how torn apart we become
ignorance voiding authenticity
I would tell you of the horrors
that dwelt within our homes
the fear of discovery, of rejection
how ugly it all felt….until
Education offered explanation
and in that opening
we saw potential to climb out
from our shadowy existence
embrace a life in which our love
is neither tainted nor deviant
and tell me please, as I try to listen
how such hopefulness is sin, after all.
(Image my own)
Time stands still; we wait
the noise of speculation stark contrast
to the reality that confronts us
Where do we go from here
and what authority to trust
and in this imposed solitude
can we find the strength
of reflection, the courage
to follow an inner lead?
(Time for Reflection and Courage first appeared on One Woman’s Quest, April 2020. Image my own)
One Woman's Quest 