Survivor Instinct

Buried alive by illness’ onset only hope for escape tunnel whose guilt-lined walls oozed mucous of neglect, sorrow so raw, shredded faith – no light just a dull pulse screaming – I am alive. (Chronic illness is a game changer.  No amount of ambition can turn the tide.  One is left to face the onslaught […]

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Roar!

Situational – term used to describe this current state – illness a thief perpetuates the crime – loss cavernous depression real and still, Spirit roars.

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Isolation’s Hold

Disability covets isolation – this stripped-back, box-like state. Rustic serenity, with room to breathe would be preferable but old memories creep in, and lack of self-worth leaves the door open phantoms of former torments unwanted visitors, shadowy invaders target loneliness, misconstrue lack of health for neediness, prey on weak – hearted, presume incapability. I am […]

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Insecurity Resolved

Unnerved by invitations – isolation equates with security – fear the onslaught of questions, the unleashing of a torrent – emotions flooding, crashing through this gated illusion – best to withdraw. Withdraw my best when gated by illusion crashing, emotions flood – need to tame this torrent question the onslaught, brave insecurity, negate isolation embrace […]

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Present, If Not Accounted For

Invisible marginalized – components of self devalued by marketing trends still sentient enough to need: acknowledgment recognition acceptance respect kindness never overrated.

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Watery Stagnation

Knee-deep wading in electric yellow waters of mud-laden stream the coveted prize – a mutated version – Christ’s fish hovers arms reach away – have touched it – recoiled out of fear. Status is stagnation – movement stymied current lacking Only the constant thrum of winged pests belligerence punctures stillness, irritates – its hard shelled […]

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The Queen Is Missing

She’s not in the kitchen presiding over preparations, thriving amidst the chatter, tutting away thieving fingers. She’s not in the classroom, mastering subjects, upholding order, ruling with charitable hand. Nor is she at social affairs, head bent in rapt attention, smiling cordially, gracious with compassion. The Queen is missing – the poise and composure that […]

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All But Comatose

If death is sleep then surely I am close – body leaden refuses to budge, brain a slow crawl I would feel something – remorse, fear, confusion – but the weight of slumber has numbed senses, reaction sludge only a drum, drum of heart harkens life’s continued spark – What thread of will keeps me […]

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Even Trees Fall

Majesty is a tree quiet strength and vulnerability no more sheltered from acts of nature than I – none impenetrable, although youth believes it – days when strength equates with rigidity, resistant arrogance A right fighter, was I, iron will, in control – never measuring up such foolish nonsense – destructive, no doubt, took illness […]

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The Toll

Am not the woman my children once called Mother – can see the disappointment in their anger-blotched expressions, feel the constraint in their voices – distance between us tugs on my heart, plays with my conscience, as if illness is choice – a contrived plot to rob them of their expectations – hope they can […]

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