Shoulder to shoulder
we contemplate clouds, hunt for
silver, my brother
lost, then found, ponders what ifs –
clouds become threads, unite us.
(Tuesdays, I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Photo mine)
Category: Family
Parental Passages
Carefully we construct
security for offspring –
add luxuries to entertain
accommodate growth
play host to revolving-
door friends and dates.
And yet, we are graded
on performance – met
or unmet expectations –
held up against a stack
of other super parents,
silhouettes of perfection.
Still, we celebrate goals,
sprouting family, ignore
the slanders, and ease
into age with a tad of kook,
or wild inappropriateness –
all expressions of our love.
(First edition of this poem appeared Feb/’18. Image from personal collection. Submitted for Reena’s Exploration challenge, choosing the prompt: silhouette.)
Still Digging
Father, as immoveable
as a mountain
taught us to orchestrate
submontane routes
Circumnavigating
his rocky moods
bestowed upon us
a fear of masculinity
Resilience instilled
the necessity of mining
gold from darkness:
still digging.
(Sketch mine)
Define Family
Define family –
nest of promises, story
filled houses of stone?
Expectations built lacking
substance – original sin?
(Tuesdays I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson, this tanka edited from original.  Image mine.)
Birch Trees (with recording)
Strains of Tijuana Brass flood the yard
while father on bended knee tends
his garden, tiers of stone edged rows
encircling a trio of birch trees.
Father points out birches on Sunday
drives, as if the bark is sacred, leaves
whispering a secret I cannot hear –
stirs in me an indefinable longing.
My husband planted birch trees
there amongst the flower beds –
how the leaves shimmer in sunlight,
how my heart quickens, bittersweet.
Imagine Father seated there, mellow
as he was in old age, angst expended,
tyranny of parenting set aside – understand
love unexpressed dwells in birch trees.
(Watercolour image by yours truly)
Sibling Camaraderie
Remember that time
wading to the caves
St Martin’s summer
How the tide rushed in
Atlantic pulling us apart
my body weak with laughter
How you shouted, coaxed –
once ashore we collapsed
wet but warm, hearts flooded.
(My brother and I weren’t raised together, as his father abducted him at age 10. Reunited years later, I treasure the moments we get to spend together, even though they are few and far between. Image my own.)
Nonlinear
Soldier through!
Father preached,
as if life is linear
and all falls behind.
I left the straight path
refuse to march
choose to circle dance
seek empowerment
in soft rhythms
Less stoicism
more love.
(Tuesdays I borrow from my Twitter account @Vjknutson. Image my own.)
Toxicity
Sold my soul for union –
destruction built-in
Narcissism is a bastard
luxuriates in self-catering
Did not anticipate loss –
innocence slaughtered
Force to grow sensibility
don a tough shell –
Would not let betrayal
call me by name.
It was not meandering
that shredded my heart
but the loss of a child
caught in the crossfire
too young to discern
parental alienation.
(Image from personal collection.)
Familial Legacy
“…too young to notice
how fear persists, and how
the anger that causes fear persists…”
– Immortality, by Lisel Mueller
Purposeful, this fortress
permanently ungrounded
Burdened without bearing
fear underlying motivation
Reassured that life is unfair
dedicated to defying limits
Challenged by rage
bloodline ingrained
Pulled towards inevitable
complete collapse.
(Inspired by the promptings of Reena’s Exploration challenge. To see the full poem and prompt click here. Image from personal collection.)
Shallow Measures
Didn’t have to say it –
read between the lines,
the “and you too”
as an afterthought
pathetic attempt to
cover truth – ugly
I was, unlike sisters
whose beauty raved
Only in flashbacks,
time gifting objectivity
do I see it wasn’t true –
depth shines through.
(Image from personal collection.)
One Woman's Quest 