Light fades
sun’s optimism
giving way to shadows
My eyes are drawn to hidden places
warily seeking the source of this disquiet
What beasts inhabit crevices, what creatures lurk
hiding in the trees that loom over me?
Could it be the incarnation
of trapped souls
taunting my passage?
(Image my own)
I chase dreams
never daring to rise
beyond the water line
keeping to the reeds
and shoreline of familiarity
afraid of being shot down
Afraid that dreams aren’t mine
to claim, that I am damned
doubled cursed as woman
and child of sin
I will fall often
drown in pools of stagnation
till one days these wings
A mind of their own
will lift me up
and catch those dreams.
(Afraid To Fly appeared here June 2019.
Art my own)
Ingrained in me
this flight
eye on the future
the periphery
closing in.
Husband urges me
forward, but where
this road leads
I do not know
Connected to self
open, escaping into
the vast expanse
becoming fluid
alive, nurtured
I have been spit out
by life so often,
taught to be taut,
it’s hard to plunge,
let go of the past
and just swim.
(Submitting for my weekly challenge: peripheral. Image my own.)
Full moon vibes
stir the mood
Dogs restless
sleep evasive
Dangerous inklings
plague the mind
Evil dons the face
of sympathy
Opaque beneath
despair’s howling.
(A dark poem from Twitter Tuesdays @Vjknutson. Image my own.)
Barrage of fears
plague each dream
render me useless
Invoke positivity, you say,
but the voices persist
intimate familiars
I set each fright adrift
hide among the weeds
pray for a moment’s reprieve.
(Image mine)
Find hope in sunsets
bursts of magnificence
momentarily absolve
worry, guilt…
When did fear gain
such hold, and how
do I demystify its lies?
The setting sun knows,
I am certain, will follow her
into darkness…
(Image my own.)
– Maya Angelo
I fear living.
No, that’s not it.
I love living…
…but I fear engagement…
…drowning in engagement
Except, I love engagement…
… but only when I dip my toe in the waters
and feel the thrill…
and can still maintain control.
I fear losing control. I fear no longer being able to call the shots, life demanding more of me than I’m willing (or able) to give.
I’m willing to give…
… to a certain point…
…can no longer afford to be sapped dry, wrung out
and discarded… so much hurt
so much betrayal…
such lack of appreciation
I have given.
I have loved and sacrificed and cherished and
given…
…up…
…self
It’s self I’m afraid of losing
and why not?
I am only just able to touch her
She and I, still hesitant
building a certainty
a mutual admiration
respect…
And should I be called upon
to give…too much…well…
I could lose her again.
This is what I fear.
(Two separate blog posts hit me this week. The first offering the Angelo quotation (sorry, I can’t remember the blog’s name) and the second from my friend Dr Andrea Dinardo, who offers the question: What’s Under the Fear? Dr D offers a five step process for self-discovery. This is my response. Image my own. The poem also fits with my weekly challenge theme: except)
Hope’s a robot
marching along
endlessly sourced
Compassion is flame
ignited by love
kept burning by care
Fear annihilates
dampens the flame
darkens the path
Hope persists
follow her lead
keep compassion alive.
“…too young to notice
how fear persists, and how
the anger that causes fear persists…”
– Immortality, by Lisel Mueller
Purposeful, this fortress
permanently ungrounded
Burdened without bearing
fear underlying motivation
Reassured that life is unfair
dedicated to defying limits
Challenged by rage
bloodline ingrained
Pulled towards inevitable
complete collapse.
(Inspired by the promptings of Reena’s Exploration challenge. To see the full poem and prompt click here. Image from personal collection.)
What harbinger is this
and why am I not convinced?
Cynicism wants concretes,
feeds complaints,
exaggerates,
retreats
Need to confront
this wall-building,
fight to retain
Spirit’s message –
deescalate fear’s grip.
(For Reena’s Exploration challenge#119. Image from personal collection.)
One Woman's Quest 