Worms have invaded
every sliver of my antagonist
by now, and still I tarry …
Minute details excuses
for hesitation,
the memoir languishes
unpublished
Wanting my audience
to savour each morsel,
declare it fit for consumption
The ironic death march
of a solemn vow
to make light of dark.
(Art my own)
Anxiety burns
an acidic devouring
confidence impaled –
mind wanders to childhood dreams
uncovers fear’s origin.
(Tuesdays, I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. I came across this tanka written in May/21 that seemed to match with the image I recently posted on my other blog. I decided to pair them here.)
I attempt to predict
but the future is blank
Snapshots only portray
the past, fragmented
Sunsets might suggest,
birds leak probabilities
But I want to peek
behind the final curtain
Cut through the noise
of popular currents
Life is two-faced
deception paired
And row as I might
fighting the flow
Manna follows its own rhythm
nips at my fears, like a tail wind
Nothing in it but to breathe
Lighten this intense need to know
(Image my own)
Light fades
sun’s optimism
giving way to shadows
My eyes are drawn to hidden places
warily seeking the source of this disquiet
What beasts inhabit crevices, what creatures lurk
hiding in the trees that loom over me?
Could it be the incarnation
of trapped souls
taunting my passage?
(Image my own)
I chase dreams
never daring to rise
beyond the water line
keeping to the reeds
and shoreline of familiarity
afraid of being shot down
Afraid that dreams aren’t mine
to claim, that I am damned
doubled cursed as woman
and child of sin
I will fall often
drown in pools of stagnation
till one days these wings
A mind of their own
will lift me up
and catch those dreams.
(Afraid To Fly appeared here June 2019.
Art my own)
Ingrained in me
this flight
eye on the future
the periphery
closing in.
Husband urges me
forward, but where
this road leads
I do not know
Connected to self
open, escaping into
the vast expanse
becoming fluid
alive, nurtured
I have been spit out
by life so often,
taught to be taut,
it’s hard to plunge,
let go of the past
and just swim.
(Submitting for my weekly challenge: peripheral. Image my own.)
Full moon vibes
stir the mood
Dogs restless
sleep evasive
Dangerous inklings
plague the mind
Evil dons the face
of sympathy
Opaque beneath
despair’s howling.
(A dark poem from Twitter Tuesdays @Vjknutson. Image my own.)
Barrage of fears
plague each dream
render me useless
Invoke positivity, you say,
but the voices persist
intimate familiars
I set each fright adrift
hide among the weeds
pray for a moment’s reprieve.
(Image mine)
Find hope in sunsets
bursts of magnificence
momentarily absolve
worry, guilt…
When did fear gain
such hold, and how
do I demystify its lies?
The setting sun knows,
I am certain, will follow her
into darkness…
(Image my own.)
– Maya Angelo
I fear living.
No, that’s not it.
I love living…
…but I fear engagement…
…drowning in engagement
Except, I love engagement…
… but only when I dip my toe in the waters
and feel the thrill…
and can still maintain control.
I fear losing control. I fear no longer being able to call the shots, life demanding more of me than I’m willing (or able) to give.
I’m willing to give…
… to a certain point…
…can no longer afford to be sapped dry, wrung out
and discarded… so much hurt
so much betrayal…
such lack of appreciation
I have given.
I have loved and sacrificed and cherished and
given…
…up…
…self
It’s self I’m afraid of losing
and why not?
I am only just able to touch her
She and I, still hesitant
building a certainty
a mutual admiration
respect…
And should I be called upon
to give…too much…well…
I could lose her again.
This is what I fear.
(Two separate blog posts hit me this week. The first offering the Angelo quotation (sorry, I can’t remember the blog’s name) and the second from my friend Dr Andrea Dinardo, who offers the question: What’s Under the Fear? Dr D offers a five step process for self-discovery. This is my response. Image my own. The poem also fits with my weekly challenge theme: except)
One Woman's Quest 