Category: Love

Unrequited

Met in high school, when popularity
equated to lovability, awkwardness
a given – tender hearts sailing a course,
letting love transport them – she was
his pride and joy, he her universe…

stumbled over declarations, hearts
beating an unsteady noise – he shone
in athletics, she called herself a loner;
confessed their love – infatuation filled
with promise – fateful idealists, in time

would be crushed – blinded by beauty,
they floated past her broken pieces on
wings of borrowed confidence: vows
of worldly treasures he offered her,
couldn’t see her limitations, should

have known her particular brand of
crazy would reject him, resistant as
she was to intimacy’s openings; he
would have stood by her, had planned
their future – didn’t know they were

staging a melodrama, slapping hope,
the memories he was sure they were
building, believed in, already growing
cold behind the curtains of her moody
eyes – failure becoming her reality…

madness took her in the end, his light
too vibrant for her darkness; wrenched
herself from his embrace – a violence
that left him reeling, shuddering in its
aftermath – still dreams of her, wonders

how he failed her, looks for her spirit
in the eyes of others, a trail of lovers,
one as unsatisfactory as the next, heart
never completely mended… and, she
settled for a man who could not love,

found safety in emotional distance,
told herself this the was the best that
she deserved, still dreams of him
while lying in her barren marital bed,
her oblivious husband beside her.

(Image:  www.dailytelegraph.com.au)

 

 

Love In Aisle Nine

Lust ignores warning signals,
fancies itself a savvy consumer,
commits minor infractions with
confidence, sidestepping anxiety.

Loneliness – near-sighted – shops
without discernment, fails to
recognize that all life is transient,
and patience is the key to harmony.

Love – the main attraction – is not
a lone chauffeur, a self-serving
commander, feeding off helplessly
disabled, regressing into insanity;

nor is it initiated by determination,
a product of drive – brokenness
barreling through hurt’s congestion,
misinterpreting openings; the path

to intimacy requires compliance,
obeys service, calms egos, a slow
non-consumer based passage: no
bargains in the commitment dept.

(Image: imagineinfinitycoaching.wordpress.com)

Haunting Irony

You come to me in the Dreamtime
slipping between the veil of what is
and what shall never be, stirring my
restlessness, a bittersweet reminder
of love once cherished, yet shunned.

You are a ghost shattering illusions
of sleep, thrusting me into lucidity,
regrets real – I want to hold you to me
for eternity, devoured by the shame of
what I did to you – relentless sorrow…

Always, you are steadfast, forgiving,
offering up your unshakeable love,
melting me with the depth of your
tenderness, your patient smile, those
ocean blue eyes – you redeem me

Then day comes, and pulls me from
your embrace, and promises fade,
but the dream lingers, leaves me
dissatisfied, a punishing reminder
that I let you go to save us from pain.

(Image: blogsleepingsimple.com)

Aging Relationships

Some say I’m away – spun
out of control: the dissolution
of so many years of denial.

With restlessness I circle
male species, perspective
skewed by parental fray;

have sweetness to offer,
ripeness – opposition’s grip
extinguishing marketability

we are all crazy, our seasons
passed, preferring the nests
we’ve built to new family ties

fear we will be forgotten, solo,
too self-centered to recognize
independence as exclusivity.

Eating Wiener Schnitzel

He wants Wiener Schnitzel and egg rolls –
a complicated request, yet she will try
to acquiesce, selects a restaurant where
the former is a speciality, hopes he’ll forgive
absence of latter – it’s busy here
and she’d rather be home,
or somewhere quieter
(though she’d never say so)
feels her insecurities sliding into the seat
beside her, drama welling up in her throat,
tries to push it down but resentment
takes a seat at the table and brings along disgust –
why is she eating in a place she would never
choose for herself, with a man who does not
notice, let alone appreciate?

Restaurants take her back to another life,
when the heat of the kitchen consumed her,
yelled orders, was yelled at,
rushed about to cater to the whims
of guests that may or may not tip –
A real education, her father told her,
but she came away with sore feet,
a broken back and none the wiser
about relationships –
has dined here before with former lovers,
friends, felt the stuffiness of the ochre walls,
brocade upholstery, close in on her,
wondered why she came,
doesn’t even like milk-fed calf.

Her mind wanders to other walls,
now crumbled, remnants of dreams,
boundaries she’d once built when she was
just a pup – believed her good-natured loyalty
would win over many hearts, instead
it only shattered her own –
so many incarnations she is ashamed
to think of it: enthusiastic house mate,
trophy mutt, Heinz 57 – now she feels like
an over-aged, overstuffed mongrel,
beaten down by years of neglect.

It’s a rocky path she travels, these days,
has lost the concept of solid ground,
finds herself teetering on the brink
of flight but has no legs to carry her,
no wings to lift her up, resigns herself
to meals of processed foods and
deep-fried suicide rather than
the curries and stews she craves,
convinced that compromise and
making others happy matters more
than what she wants or needs –
takes a bite of baby cow and smiles.

Fly To the Spider

Fuelled by anticipation, free will lead
me to you, armed with expectation –
handed you ownership of my heart’s
vulnerability, elated to be seen, heard

Aroused by your mastery, ready to let
go – and then you passed me off, like
a lab specimen, examined the minutiae
of my DNA, as if looking for criminal

activity – too shocked to be incensed,
thought about protesting, but then you
changed again, touched me with your
sensitivity, sensuality calming, lulled

me into complacency, sheep-like, unable
to assert myself, so far removed from
any wants or desires, tossed about like
a rag doll, voiceless, through the fog,

aware of how I devalued myself, tied
myself up with you, try to escape, find
the exit, but you return, envelop me
in your schemes, strength abandons

I breakdown, lose my mind, forgotten
that I am grace – crave gentleness, had
only sought acknowledgement – and you
are the predator I was meant to avoid.

(Image: becuo.com)

Walk Away

Maniacal, trigger-crazy
big dick resolves nothing
with brutality, seeks asylum
in insanity, blames confinements
for limitations, opinionated,
wrongly focused, nerves
ungrounded, charged.

No wit can end his
cycle of oppression,
his last fair companion,
no longer supportive,
contrived investigation,
pushed for incarceration

unspeakable silence
no religion to save him
rejected at every turn
delinquent

bumped into compassion
signs of pain like neon lights
beckoning the unwary, but
alibis were suspicious,
his composure too hyped
like an uncaged animal

Move on, Ladies
no Beast was ever tamed
by Beauty, even uncertain endings
would be better than life with
this expired degenerate,
don’t fall for that:
“It’s all smoke screens” pity
he is trapped, a poor example,
has broken many hearts – dead
on arrival – dons practiced humility,
wants to please but is inclined to
repeat patterns.

(Image: upstream downstream.org)

Discombobulated

Conceding ability to focus,
yearning for a cause; tired
of sticking myself out, only
to be brought down; stilted

by this life, sick of taking
second best – No, I’m not
holding up – never the early
bird; or king shit – sagging

like breasts hitting thighs;
always showing up single,
slightly used, ripe for easy
pick up, dubious covers –

have rooms full of history,
would otherwise be retiring,
but unless God has some
secret passage, Heaven

only tortures me; a magnet
for worries – my problems
have more vision than I do –
once carefree, now I pray for

responsibility exit; wouldn’t
recognize Mr. Right if he
came in unannounced, seem
to cherish would be enemies

(not related, at least), store
intentions behind lollygagging
pursuits, rationalize guest
appearances from control;

seek support from transients,
am obligated to any protecter –
(affairs please apply within) – am,
as I said, conceding ability to…

(Image:  www.fluentu.com)

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A Woman I Never Knew

Much planning involved in duplicity,
when absence of feminine is intent –

no amount of research can release
her, buried in a home within a home.

Empty out existing observations,
imposed interpretations – education

only served to dismay us further –
all erasable.  Forensic investigation

required to grasp the inner workings,
only seasoned visitors have caught

wind of – witnesses (mother/father);
all we children knew was her name;

a moniker that invoked turmoil, yet
she, pregnant with hope, anticipation

would make her presence known –
a grand performance – she did not

belong; we shunned her, doubted
her veracity, convinced her host

was manipulative, depraved – had
no concept of acceptance – chose

separation – s/he pushed me out;
not that I was ever welcomed –

a child of this woman within a man,
whose obsession consumed us,

consumed my innocence, toyed
with my journey to self-discovery,

distorted images of beauty rooted
in the hovering pall of her presence/

absence; tried to escape, seek help,
create a semblance of normalcy, but

am haunted by the woman, whose
destiny, never achieved, now lags

behind me, feeding my frailty; wish
I had found the words, openness,

had dared to know her, to have stood
beside the she Dad was meant to be.

(Image:  lgbrpcv.org)

The Art of Survival

Learned the art of survival
from father, a commando
trained warrior, never able
to leave the battles behind

A sharp-shooter, whose
expert eye tracked our
every fault; with sniper
precision shot us down.

Innocence has no place
when the enemy resides
within; when trigger lines
are camouflaged by wall-

to-wall carpets, and young
minds, craving exploration,
are imprisoned by acts of
terror; the only conclusion

survival’s impermanence,
hostility lurking in every
shadow, caution instilled
by the omnipotent legacy

of father. Tried to reach
him in the end, touch his
humanity; his shell-shocked
glaze paused for a moment,

he focused, broke through
the fury, seemed to remember
we were his daughters – was
that compassion lighting

his expression? Take cover,
he cried, get as far away as
you can, save yourselves, I
cannot sway my path, too

committed to this private war,
there is no mercy for me – but
you, you can be saved, save
your children.  I turn and run

with all the certainty that this
is life and death and embrace
the little ones, praying to lift
them out of the ashes, give

them new life, but it seems
they learned the art of survival
from the daughter of a father,
conditioned to the state of war.