Haunting Irony

You come to me in the Dreamtime
slipping between the veil of what is
and what shall never be, stirring my
restlessness, a bittersweet reminder
of love once cherished, yet shunned.

You are a ghost shattering illusions
of sleep, thrusting me into lucidity,
regrets real – I want to hold you to me
for eternity, devoured by the shame of
what I did to you – relentless sorrow…

Always, you are steadfast, forgiving,
offering up your unshakeable love,
melting me with the depth of your
tenderness, your patient smile, those
ocean blue eyes – you redeem me

Then day comes, and pulls me from
your embrace, and promises fade,
but the dream lingers, leaves me
dissatisfied, a punishing reminder
that I let you go to save us from pain.

(Image: blogsleepingsimple.com)

Lights, Cameras, Heartache

Dressed herself in sequins,
sparkled from head to toe,
courted celebrity, falling for
the spell – could not see the
lies presented, nor the trail
of endless tears behind him.

He was drawn by her passion,
a radiant exuberance buoying
his spirit, her love reminiscent
of the mother he’d lost long ago,
like the family he never knew,
he followed her lead;  intrigued.

She set the scene for perfection,
fretted over each detail, prayed
that all would come together,
a relationship fated to be,
failed to see the patterns that
would surely sabotage her.

Love was never his intention,
preferred young women, was
already involved, thirsted only
for her charm, hungered for
the brilliance of her soul, it was
her mystery that he craved.

She immersed himself in his
cause,  committed to finding
his truth, failed to heed
inner authority, broke her
own rules, lost balance after
his abandonment; ashamed.

He’d never wanted saving,
thought he’d been clear all
along,  preferred being single
avoided tarnishing his star,
had merely liked his reflection
shimmering beneath her glow.

Knightmare Shattered

I had a dream once, and along the way
my fairytale destination was thwarted,
upside-downed by malicious intentions,
external influences, and scheming manipulators.

Unconditional love beckoned with promises of protection,
A golden haloed knight, stirring my hopeful heart.

Revelation freed me, renewed potential
bolstered lost aspirations, and I coupled,
surrendering soul selflessly, sealing it
with heated arousal; passionate commitment.

Unconditional love beckoned with promises of protection,
A golden haloed knight, stirring my hopeful heart.

Perseverance brought union, and resigning myself
whole-heartedly participated in companionship,
receiving confessions, uncovering delusions,
sporting reminders of my naivete.

Unconditional love beckoned with promises of protection,
A golden haloed knight, stirring my hopeful heart.

Re-examination of personal duplicity,
reveals wounded obsessions and disguised strategizing.
Taking the initiative, I question at last,the authenticity of my life story.

Unconditional love beckons with false promises
No golden haired knight will fulfill my heart.

A Serene Marriage

I have been invited to Scott L’s house and even though I haven’t seen him since high school, I am excited.  I first met Scott in grade school, and fell in love immediately.  While we would be best of friends throughout our school years, our love would never blossom. I am hoping the invitation now means that he is ready to reciprocate feelings and we will be together.  I arrive at his home to find my cousin Serene.  I am delighted to see her, and surprised that she and Scott know one another.  Scott is not here yet, and while we wait for him, we are connecting the dots.  How they know each other and why Serene is here. It turns out that they are about to get married and that is why I have been invited.  I try to be happy for them, as I love them both, but I can’t help but feel disappointed.  I have wished for this for so long.

We’ve all had those dreams of unrequited love from which we awaken sure that we are missing something that only the other person can give us.  Wishful thinking is one of the evils that spiritual teachers will caution against.  While the emotional pull is so strong, the temptation is only that:  a threat to the self.

There is no moment but now, and how we respond to what we have is all that counts.  The more I dream about a love that never was, but could be, or wish for that perfect job, or dream home, or other life, the less I am contributing to my current circumstances.  I am unhappy because I am choosing to be.

When we remember an old love, we are remembering a person frozen in time, unchanged.  We have not allowed for the fact that they, like us, have lived life, suffered losses, had successes, and built lives for themselves.  We are not considering that their current life and self may not even resemble the person we once knew.  Wishful thinking is all about the ideal and nothing to do with the reality.  It is wasted energy.

If I look at the dream metaphorically instead, I will consider what I loved about these two people and how fitting this dream is for my life today.  Scott was loyal, straightforward, and trustworthy.  Serene is bubbly, optimistic, and warm.  If the Scott part of me, the loyal, trustworthy side, were to marry the fun-loving, warm side what possibilities could that open in my life?  Well, I finally made the commitment last night and joined Weight Watcher’s.  Could this mean that with the right level of commitment and attitude, I can make it work?

Sounds like a marriage of success!  Now, that I can get excited about.