Tag: shift

Now That I Matter

The times I waited –
restless and raging
deliberately put on hold
dismissed, degraded, ignored.

Why did I put up with that?
Was I so afraid I’d lose it all?
So uncertain about a future?

How the children came to me
need in their eyes, little arms
begging to be embraced,
and I too blinded to reach out
fixated on the anger, powerless,
immersed myself in distractions
could not respond to their pleading
while my own inner child was doing the same

How I’d let other people’s agendas
override mine – their need to be rescued
or fixed, or to ride on my successes –
boundaries never a strong suit
my own desires so far buried
as to be practically nonexistent

How I’d avoid confrontation
never the top dog – hiding
rather than facing the bullies
in my sight – my loyalty,
my friendship a given
seldom valued by even me

How I took on the discards of others
let men dictate my life –
sorting through their carelessness
like spoon feeding adolescents
Perpetually in mother mode.

I am standing on a threshold
no doubt others will not like
Where I matter now
and love takes precedence
and my inner child shines,
and my priorities are front facing
and loyalty an earned gift
Where men are called to account
and women upheld and valued.

I am proud of who I am,
forgive all the ways I’ve put me down
and chose to radiate  
Love guiding this new light.

(Self portrait by me )

The Moment Time Slipped

That was me
the 9-year-old girl
sitting on the 3 o’clock bus
staring at the woman
with the scarf around her neck
standing across the street
in front of an oddly shaped building
I’d never noticed before, and
having a profound feeling
of déjà vu.

That was me
the scarf-wearing woman
standing on the sidewalk
in front of the odd shaped building
waiting for the 3 o’clock bus
to move, so that I might cross
suddenly overcome by a sense
of premonition as my eyes
locked with a girl on the bus
who looked uncannily
like a younger version
of me.

(Written for Reena’s Xploration challenge: Components of Time. Art my own)

In 2021, I Woke Up

This year the plague came
and I blamed the wind
for carrying destruction
and I blamed the sun
for its ineptitude
and the rain,
no friend of mine,
only served to drown
my expectations.

Lockdown
and social distance
masks and antiseptics
how was a soul
to survive?

Pushing 2020
out the door
certain relief
would follow
but change is not
a date on the calendar
a release of circumstance

I turned inward
faced the gloom
and found a spark
forgave the weather
the virus, the news

In 2021, I woke up…

(For Reena’s Exploration challenge: I woke up in 2021… Image my ow

Talking To Myself

Tripping over guilt
how I need to make amends

Meanwhile, charity
leaves me vulnerable

Lose credibility,
momentum

No longer a pick up for others
ditched without a lifeline

***

These are but feelings
I’m more comfy couch
than utility vehicle
and credibility –
well that’s earned

Pick myself up
wade through vulnerability
grateful for giving hands
some amends best left
to the lessons gained
guilt not worth the trouble.

(Much of my poetry is derived from dreamwork. Dreams use exaggeration and humour to evoke understanding. In this poem, I am able to see both at play, leading me to the more empowering response. Thanks for reading. Image my own.)