My house is in order!
I shout to a cosmos
intent on ignoring my pleas
chthonic forces insist
on invading dreams
psychic locks ineffectual
no barriers to protect
when soul mocks
purported equilibrium
Order, spirit answers,
is a temporal concept;
continue to grow.
(For Ragtag Community’s prompt: temporal. Image from personal collection.)
Pastoral placid,
tonic for the soul – beware
stagnation, partake
in daring, honour spirit’s
longing for the wild; grow wings.
(For RonovanWrites Weekly Haiku Challenge: placid/wild; and for BrewNSpew’s prompt: partake. Image from personal collection.)
Our roots are spreading,
the umbrella of our tree broadening –
Muslims now amongst our beloveds
a progression, nurtured by
a Divine plan – trees are meant
to branch – hearts’ capacity unlimited
an outcome that evolved – not because
of that day when the impact reverberated
across borders, dislodging fears – but despite it
Praise goes to youth, whose willingness
to embrace possibility beyond stereotypes,
beyond hatred, opened doors, enticed
this hometown gal, and a backward father
to set aside prejudice (ignorance, really), and invite
the light of love to transform darkened passages.
brave souls, willing to defy the legacy
of downed towers, the lies of politicians –
carving out a path for an enlightened future.
(Written for dVerse, who on the anniversary of 9/11 challenged us to go back to a previous poem penned on this date and write a new one, based on one line. I revisited Renovating the Psyche from 9/11/2016 and chose the line: “roots spreading outwards, Muslims now amongst our beloveds.” )
Testing social waters –
that cherished state of interaction –
prone to revealing too much, learning
have been homebound, studying life
without a facilitator, now attempting to
penetrate invisibility – see me now?
gathering the salvageable bits –
minimal fragments of a once whole woman –
reaching out, reconnecting – mixed receptions
admittedly much has passed me by –
no amount of homework can undo the stain
of my cluelessness, I am slow, needing a driver
as achievement focused as ever –
would go back to work – my heart space –
bursting with eloquence, unleashing enlightenment
on adolescent ears: tales of survival,
recovery from the depths of loss, except it seems
I am still growing, the few tidbits I’ve gleaned unusable
must be selective about my memories –
am met with disregard, my story, like a gunshot,
causes others to duck, not listen, lack of scarring
a disappointment for those expecting grand
acts of heroism; scars command respect – visual
metaphors telling a linear story – my journey, marked
neither by timelines nor terminal projections –
origins of disease unknown – defies medical
knowledge, research lacking – I am estranged
who dares to question beyond the trembling
exterior, behold the opportunity that has blessed me,
witness the gift of joy that comes with re-evaluation
when character overcomes strife,
and simplicity replaces frenetic ambition –
the outcomes of enrolment in this life class.
(Image: www.huffingtonpost.com)
Confined for hours at a time to my bed, I cheer myself by contemplating the trees outside my windows. There is something in their stoic beauty that both calms and inspires me.
Be as the tree a former meditation instructor taught me.
If I were a tree
my roots would run deep into the earth
and spread in all directions
grounding me.
Present.
My trunk would be wide and solid
weathering all storms
supporting other life
a tower.
Strong.
My branches would reach up to the sky
and dance with the breezes
and bend with the changing seasons
and bow to Nature.
Flexible.
If I were a tree
I would be calm, yet strong;
have heightened awareness, yet be rooted in reality.
I would yield to change,
yet stand proud in my own existence,
growing with grace.
If I were a tree
I would live in harmony
with Nature.
Present, Strong. Flexible.
Fully alive.
(Image from: www.nbcdfw.com)
I have thought of my life as a rally race, in which I am driving blindfolded and without a navigator. There have been many bumps in the road, and several turns, but a whole lot of discovery. One of the greatest treasures I have encountered on my journey is compassion. I stumbled upon it unintentionally.
I have always approached life with passion and courage. At five, my peers would ask me to form an army against the neighbourhood bullies. Fearlessly, I would lead the confrontation, ready to fight. At eight, I had a reputation for beating anyone who crossed me. I gave up the physical battles by thirteen, but anger still lurked just below the surface.
At twenty, I applied for a job in customer service, only to be told I was too intimidating. I ended up in collections. An attitude of judgment closed me off from others. Life was a battlefield, and my sword was raised.
Then, at twenty-eight, something happened. The walls around me came tumbling down to reveal a highly sensitive and intuitive side. It is impossible, I discovered, to empathize with another, while holding judgment. Opening my heart in empathy, unlocked compassion. The world suddenly became kinder, warmer, and more loving. I laid down my sword.
Compassion without limits, I would learn, can be detrimental. I felt so wholeheartedly for others, that I forgot about my own needs. Conservation was the next treasure I needed to find in my life quest. The ability to establish boundaries, and set parameters on how I expended my compassion. Life is about balance, and while there are limitless opportunities to help others, I do not have limitless energy. Free will dictates making healthy choices. I understand, but have not fully incorporated this treasure.
The last gem I am just uncovering, although I still have a lot of digging to do. It has been a hard road to come to the realization that I do not have to be the first, the best, or the only. I am not sure, but I suspect, that it relates to my sense of not being good enough.
A work in progress.
One Woman's Quest 