Calm belies the storm
dis-ease spawning a flurry
fractured ideas
peppered with glints of hope –
with focus, I too sparkle.
(There have been many instances this week that have tested my grit.
I am learning to harness the good moments and hang on.
Linking up to my weekly challenge: I’m learning... Image my own.)
For every child
vowed to be the calyx
to cradle each budding soul
with a tender heart
But I am imperfect
ideals devolving
in the face of loss
cross unbearable
Tend my own garden now
recognizing the power
of example overriding
oppression of control.
(Image my own)
Educated in curriculums
qualified to lesson plan
and structure evaluations
far reach from current course –
platform inaccessible, only student
self – a disagreeable sort
take my grievances higher –
no response, boss is asleep
indifference snoring.
Tyrannical, my father’s reign; the ensuing understanding of relationship dynamics twisted. Violence and threats peppered with “I love you”, as if one was synonymous with the other. I cowered with the rest, shame a heavy weight.
Oppression dictates
warped sense of love, intimate
nightmare – relearning.
(For Reena’s Exploration challenge #89. Relationships have been the theme of my dreams lately – thus the reversal to childhood.)
Art, like a compass,
guides my soul – watercolour
inspiring life force.
(Written for Ronovan Writes Haiku Challenge: art & compass. The image is a piece I recently started. It did not turn out so well, but I like the idea. Maybe I’ll start again. Also, I’m linking up to dVerse poetics, which tonight is all about journeys. Since I don’t leave the house very often, and when I do, my husband is driving, my journeys these days are more ethereal – into the realm of imagination.)
Was willing to settle
even before casting off
anchorless, with no compass
to guide me, no oar to steer
left fate to the currents
a vessel adrift, naïve
trusted those with power
to rescue me, unaware
of the target vulnerability
made of me, that sharks
like to circle wayward
boats, certain of a catch
no wonder, when finally
I came ashore, wrecked
I had lost faith in love,
turned hope to cynicism
had failed to register
the dangers of sailing,
into uncharted waters,
the necessity of navigational
resources, and a life jacket,
the knowledge to stay afloat
and safe, in a sea where
discernment saves hearts.
(Inspired by the image and Laura’s Manic Mondays 3 Way Prompt: wrecked)
If life was an English class
I’d enroll again for high school,
concentrate on the editing,
hope to gain something
the second time through
I’d excel at the assignments –
experience adds so much maturity
to the written word – and teachers
would deliberate and decide
that I don’t belong, and where
would that leave me?
Both the rigidity of self-judgment
and my softer, creative side
lecture me on the futility
of repeating past success or failure,
but; what else is there in life
to desire; what options lie ahead
for this diseased self: imposed
rest feeds my reflective side,
my mind regresses unwittingly.
I could study psychology, finish
a program once started, then
abandoned (a pattern I loathe),
but what merit lies there –
another backwards movement.
And what is this damnable urge
to perfect what has been, rewrite
the past, excel in the literature
of my own story? I am destined
play a secondary role, foibles
contributing to the charm of
my character – maybe I should
enroll in a course on acceptance
learn to embrace the folly of
my youth, point myself forward.
(Image: www.bbc.co.uk)
Testing social waters –
that cherished state of interaction –
prone to revealing too much, learning
have been homebound, studying life
without a facilitator, now attempting to
penetrate invisibility – see me now?
gathering the salvageable bits –
minimal fragments of a once whole woman –
reaching out, reconnecting – mixed receptions
admittedly much has passed me by –
no amount of homework can undo the stain
of my cluelessness, I am slow, needing a driver
as achievement focused as ever –
would go back to work – my heart space –
bursting with eloquence, unleashing enlightenment
on adolescent ears: tales of survival,
recovery from the depths of loss, except it seems
I am still growing, the few tidbits I’ve gleaned unusable
must be selective about my memories –
am met with disregard, my story, like a gunshot,
causes others to duck, not listen, lack of scarring
a disappointment for those expecting grand
acts of heroism; scars command respect – visual
metaphors telling a linear story – my journey, marked
neither by timelines nor terminal projections –
origins of disease unknown – defies medical
knowledge, research lacking – I am estranged
who dares to question beyond the trembling
exterior, behold the opportunity that has blessed me,
witness the gift of joy that comes with re-evaluation
when character overcomes strife,
and simplicity replaces frenetic ambition –
the outcomes of enrolment in this life class.
(Image: www.huffingtonpost.com)
Set me on the open road,
encourage me to cross borders;
I am hungry for knowledge,
to hear a higher calling.
Cannot tolerate chained-to-
chairs education, imposed
immobility, socratic hierarchy
demanding conformity
spoon-fed compliance –
am too much my father’s
daughter, born rebellious
unable to mold myself
to prescribed slots
would rather initiate
discussion, engage, listen –
let shoes emote, tell their
story, develop compassion
never felt more than a visitor
in institutions, marks adequate
but brain absent, spirit numbed –
more punishment for delinquency
than awakening..
How can we convey the future,
instill optimism in prospects,
when the language of education
is secondary to how students
communicate in real-time?
Minds are energetic, curiosity
a given, youth crave elevation,
opportunity, measure themselves
against a system defined by rows.
How can I cross this barrier
of disability, open the dialogue
to ignite passions, propel learning
to open road scenarios, encourage
minds to cross borders?
(Image: www.abc.net.au)
One Woman's Quest 