Life’s Treasures

I have thought of my life as a rally race, in which I am driving blindfolded and without a navigator.  There have been many bumps in the road, and several turns, but a whole lot of discovery.  One of the greatest treasures I have encountered on my journey is compassion.  I stumbled upon it unintentionally.

I have always approached life with passion and courage.  At five, my peers would ask me to form an army against the neighbourhood bullies.  Fearlessly, I would lead the confrontation, ready to fight.  At eight, I had a reputation for beating anyone who crossed me.  I gave up the physical battles by thirteen, but anger still lurked just below the surface.

At twenty, I applied for a job in customer service, only to be told I was too intimidating.  I ended up in collections.  An attitude of judgment closed me off from others.  Life was a battlefield, and my sword was raised.

Then, at twenty-eight, something happened.  The walls around me came tumbling down to reveal a highly sensitive and intuitive side.  It is impossible, I discovered, to empathize with another, while holding judgment.  Opening my heart in empathy, unlocked compassion.  The world suddenly became kinder, warmer, and more loving.  I laid down my sword.

Compassion without limits, I would learn, can be detrimental.  I felt so wholeheartedly for others, that I forgot about my own needs.  Conservation was the next treasure I needed to find in my life quest.  The ability to establish boundaries, and set parameters on how I expended my compassion.  Life is about balance, and while there are limitless opportunities to help others, I do not have limitless energy.  Free will dictates making healthy choices.  I understand, but have not fully incorporated this treasure.

The last gem I am just uncovering, although I still have a lot of digging to do.  It has been a hard road to come to the realization that I do not have to be the first, the best, or the only.  I am not sure, but I suspect, that it relates to my sense of not being good enough.

 

 

A work in progress.

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