change · poetry · writing

The Last Book

What will be written
in the aftermath –
so much owing,
so little justification.

Upended anxiety –
regal anticipations
shattered by cancer –
yes, life is a teacher

No matter,
if we survive –
but where to go then
Earth’s riches exploited

Commitments crumbled –
confess we have Father issues
but it’s time to emerge,
step forward, take the lead

What follows contentment
battled, passive crosses borne,
paths with no clear direction,
doubt as ante?

Hubs are shattered –
we are spokes with no centre –
pray the last book written
is reconstructive.

(Inspired by a dream, and combined with the prompt from Reena’s Exploration: The Last Book on Planet Earth.  Image from personal collection.)

abuse · Family · mental-health · poetry · recovery · writing

Weighted Down

Weighted down.

I swallow rocks
to anchor this restlessness –
no exit available.

Would love to re-locate,
check self-assessment
into a sunnier place –
but the room is not ready.

I shove it back down –
am a silhouette
against stormy horizons.

My sister and I meet here,
at the edge of denial,
both seeking calmer waters –
she swims; I crave a shower

we are haunted in our sleep –
shadows clouding dreams –
projections of mermaid possibilities
and electric blue skies, dimmed

I gain ground, sifting
through basements, tossing
old ideals, reminiscing cynic;

she breaststrokes through debris
of family storms, ignoring the rubbish-
polluted pool, maintains motion

I am submerged, trying to work out
a relationship with father –
long since deceased, still present

have opened the contents
of our stored horror – no choice
but to carry on…

we are bit players in a staged drama –
no fame to add acclaim – just misguided
endings, fragile audiences, and
a sisters following
a different light

weighted down.

(Weighted Down first appeared here in September of 2016, and has stayed with me, begging to be revised.  Today, as I was playing around with images, I created this one (featured) and felt that it depicted the essence of the poem.   It was time.  I am also submitting this for V.J.’s weekly challenge:  shadows.)