Decisions weighty
I plan but am divided
half sailing; half cowering
Optimism cheery
experience berating
Nested in tradition
craving alternatives
Can I not see that plans
are investments,
overcome the fear
in favour of expansion.
(Writing this I am reminded of the saying: “I used to be indecisive; now I’m not so sure.” Image my own.)
Picture-perfect life
who doesn’t aspire?
I’ve reframed the image
time and time again
Searched for definition
in 5′ x 7′ then 8′ x 10′
But a creative soul
cannot be confined
frames now accents
for the life that flows.
For Reena’s Exploration Challenge #159. Images mine.
– Maya Angelo
I fear living.
No, that’s not it.
I love living…
…but I fear engagement…
…drowning in engagement
Except, I love engagement…
… but only when I dip my toe in the waters
and feel the thrill…
and can still maintain control.
I fear losing control. I fear no longer being able to call the shots, life demanding more of me than I’m willing (or able) to give.
I’m willing to give…
… to a certain point…
…can no longer afford to be sapped dry, wrung out
and discarded… so much hurt
so much betrayal…
such lack of appreciation
I have given.
I have loved and sacrificed and cherished and
given…
…up…
…self
It’s self I’m afraid of losing
and why not?
I am only just able to touch her
She and I, still hesitant
building a certainty
a mutual admiration
respect…
And should I be called upon
to give…too much…well…
I could lose her again.
This is what I fear.
(Two separate blog posts hit me this week. The first offering the Angelo quotation (sorry, I can’t remember the blog’s name) and the second from my friend Dr Andrea Dinardo, who offers the question: What’s Under the Fear? Dr D offers a five step process for self-discovery. This is my response. Image my own. The poem also fits with my weekly challenge theme: except)
Lean into it;
more shoulder!
Physical drudgery
does not suit me
Ill-equipped
sculls lacking
But I will try
begrudgingly
Back leaning into
monotonous task
Prayed for a lifeboat
never imagined this.
(Tuesdays I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own.)
Youth flaunts her truth
serious in convictions –
that eternity exists
that words carry worth
Folly naturally succeeds
break down – inevitable
the opportunity to learn –
silent, age considers action.
(Image mine)
What if we could proofread
our life – edit it in the moment –
patch over the rough spots –
change the dragon lady
into a polished princess?
Don’t know about you,
but I prefer fire to ice…
(Image mine.)
Unity seems an apt response
Yet we pillow fight, toss
sinewy threads of notions…
Is righteousness really
more important than peace?
(Tuesdays I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own.)
Travel East
in search of self
Half family extends
unexpected warmth
Is my identity here
with stranger-brothers?
I contemplate pausing
surrendering to other
But this is sleep-walking
the distance still remains
Journey has no end
till soul has purpose
and wisdom relieves
the wounded child.
(Submitted for Eugi’s Causerie weekly prompt:identity. Image shows an old house with wrap around porch in monotone. From my personal collection.)
Strains of “Desperado”
float through my mind
as images of the plague
assault me- this new life
too much, future unforeseeable
caught in a dystopian novel.
(Tuesdays I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own.)
Happiness worship
an unmonitored highway –
numinous moments
catalyst for earthbound soul –
church impulses, breathe spirit.
(Tuesdays I borrow from Twitter. This poem is in the form of tanka. Image my own.)
One Woman's Quest 