In Calculus, I excelled
though I’d never say –
intellect, the monster,
rendered me target.
Lesson learned
I feigned disinterest
mimicked others’ struggle
tucked the tests results away
Principles of calculus
no longer apply –
shame of capability
still a failing grade.
Girls are lucky: just need to find the right man –
looked after for life.
Advice from a teenaged brother.
Right! I yell back, fifty years later.
It was all a vacation –
raising the children on my own
looking for God in the midst of chaos
partners with wandering eyes
or absent…always absent…
still waiting for that “looking after”
And how did you make out, Brother Dear?
Oh, that’s right… married
… woman with a good job
willing to let you putter in the background
Guess we were both misled.
(Image my own.)
History invents theorem
generation repeating
variations on a misery
absent fathers
mothers overwhelmed
heartache welded
into young psyches
till inspiration invites
a new hypothesis.
(Tuesdays I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own.)
Failures, like eel grass
lurk in slumber’s waters
entangle me in regret
I’m drowning in should’s
and what if’s, until gasping
I awake with a start
The light of consciousness
releases me from emotional bog
illuminates the rational
I am restored, set upon the shores
of revelation, ready to step
forward with forgiveness.
(For Reena’s Exploration Challenge: light. Image my own.)
Passenger, am I
backseat traveller
input unsolicited
I ride along.
Passenger, am I
view limited
direction speculative
I am not driving.
Driver is motivated
self-assured
I relax…until
temptation boards
Wait a minute; who invited temptation?
Driver is distracted
ego taking the wheel
Who’s paying attention?
I am not alone.
Lackadaisical dropout
sits with me – mooch
and weekend boozer
How did he get here?
Vehicle is outdated,
I warn, not a lot of room
ride at your own risk
They don’t make them like this anymore.
Crazy sister is here too
or maybe it’s me, ’cause I swear
I saw the ghost of another
It’s a good thing I’m not driving.
Darkness falling and out of gas
we stop and neon lights blare
Make a break for it!
Or… I could find a new driver.
Maybe put God at the wheel.
Would have to pay attention.
Oust the adulteress and sloth.
Be on my best behaviour.
Turn my vehicle into a golden chariot
powered by horses with wings of white
fly above all the obstacles
Headed for the Promised Land.
All fantasy, of course
I’m a backseat passenger
until vitality is restored
Then I’ll park this old model
And get a new one with GPS.
(Ride along with me first appeared her November 2014. This version is edited. Image my own.)
Paper me over
with carnal designs, I am
hourglass losing
myself in the shift – pencil
sketches facing erasure.
(Tuesdays I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Art mine)
Been riding the down elevator too long
a slight detour, I once, long ago, thought
Ambitions set on Penthouses
and upper echelons of success
First, there is a trip I must make
a downward pull insisting –
See, it isn’t true what they say
that we can be whatever we want
It’s time to stop running,
stop chasing empty promises
I’m getting down to roots
causes and influences
history revealing a legacy
here in the depths of self
a final reckoning that bears light
seems I’ve miscalculated directions
I’ve been riding the down elevator
about to alight on revelation.
(For Reena’s Exploration Challenge #160. Image my own. Hayes is my maiden name.)
Evening beckons
sun’s fiery glow
mocks my unrest
I am knee deep
in river’s flow
no more than
sediment beneath
human craving –
Earth’s healing
a welcome touch.
Evening sky fraught
with alarm – brooding
clouds menace
In morning light
all is redeemed –
resplendent the day.
(Tuesdays I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image mine.)
Waves lap in rhythm with my heart
midnight sky bewitches, stars sing,
hand-in-hand our spirits soar
pulses dancing to the seduction
of love’s enchantment –
Tonight the ambiance possesses us
tonight boundaries have no hold
we are moon-crazed innocence
warmed by mysterious stirrings
sand shifting beneath naked soles.
(For Eugi’s Causerie Weekly challenge: bewitched. Image my own.)
One Woman's Quest 