Morning light but a trickle
mind switches into gear,
body resisting response,
ambition thwarted by illness,
the usual game – pray this day
will embrace gently, and
bring a gift of healing.
(Image from personal collection.)
Morning light but a trickle
mind switches into gear,
body resisting response,
ambition thwarted by illness,
the usual game – pray this day
will embrace gently, and
bring a gift of healing.
(Image from personal collection.)
September is
chilly mornings
and classroom routines,
cardigans dragged home,
and the onset of colds.
Grandma packs her bag
with activities to distract,
a soup to boost bodies
and an apple crisp
fresh from the oven.
Some days
the best education
comes snuggled under
warm blankets with
inter-generational love.
(For Ragtag Communty’s daily prompt: crisp. Â Grandma duty calls, be back later!)
It’s complicated, really, but so much
is defined by the presence of a garage.
Here is a stand-alone, connected by
a breezeway, single-car with storage;
could have been so much more –
had planned for it, but life changes.
Once had an oversized garage – direct
access, housed two vehicles, custom
built – but the cars are gone now, and
the single stands vacant, like my mind.
Except, the other day, I swore I glimpsed
an animal there, perched on the shelving
fierce, cat-like eyes caught in the dim
light of an open doorway – a tigress,
body crouched – I backed away, but
not before claws pierced my imagination
tended to the bleeding, chastising my
foolishness – of course, she isn’t real –
I lost my feminine prowess long ago,
am more of a groundhog now – slow
moving, podgy, sniffing the air for hints
of change, burrowing in the face of trouble.
A family lived here once: a tightly knit
portrait of three, lulled by the protection
offered – no storms to weather –
until the husband left, daughter
in tow; ducked beneath closing
of the automated door –
me, trapped beneath layers of regret
choking on their fumes, homeless.
Would ignore her, except for
those grasping, white-knuckled
fingers pleading for rescue;Â would
shoulder her, but shudder to host such
destruction within my walls,
already robbed of equilibrium
this state of heightened vigilance
a cause for neglecting self – have
humoured one too many advantage-
taker, cannot trust my own instincts
am disillusioned, no longer content
with inconsistencies, need to
confront the condition of my garage,
clean out the accumulation of stored
nonessentials – maybe hold a sale –
whitewash the interior and buy a car.
(Reena’s Exploration challenge this week is the long and short of it. Â The above poem is the long. Â The short follows.)
If life is defined by a garage,
then mine is single, attached,
empty and needing work.
(The original version of this poem was published in August 2016. Â It has been reworked for this edition.)
Pain no longer a threat
having found numbness –
semi-permanent vacation
from insistence of
chronic battles,
this unchosen life.
(Image from personal collection)
Letters jostle for position
back-up
attempt to regroup
get detoured
Frustration builds
and obstacles
pop-up –
cognition faltering
Circuits are jumbled
pathways rerouting
patience exploding
expression lost.
Word recall
out of order
Word recognition
under construction
Is there an exit
from this nightmare?
(Brain fog affects cognitive functioning. Â I first wrote this piece in 2015 and the condition continues today – one of the reasons I keep writing. Â I resubmit it here for Ragtag Community’s prompt: jumble. Â Image from personal collection.)
Gossamer
that thread,
that sparkle,
that vestige
of my youth
I try to hold on,
gnarly grip
no match for
her exuberance
Hope we reunite
next time around.
(Image from personal collection)
Did she know,
setting the empty bottles
on the stoop,
or later, reading the daily
while sipping first morning tea?
Did she have an inclining
as she dropped a letter in the post,
stopped to chat with an old friend,
then hurried home from the shops
to get out of the rain?
And later,
returning from Judo,
as she gave into sudden malaise
and lay down on the bed,
pausing before tending to dinner,
did she know this was the end?
(I wrote this thinking of my Grandmother on her last day, and of course, contemplating my own demise. Â I post it here in light of the anniversary of 9/11. Â Do any of us know? Â And does it matter? Â Death leaves so many unanswered questions in its wake.)
Pot-bellied,
am I:
misshapen by age
and gravity – more
rot than plump ripe pear –
still, a vessel for love –
grandmotherly
vase.
(Image from personal collection)
My memory of you –
distorted by childish exuberance –
distant and disinterested
Translated vacant eyes
through the lens of my needs
child that I was.
Failed to notice
the aura of defeat,
the battered heart
the robotic responses
masking unbelievable sorrow
missed it all
till death knocked
and I saw you anew –
adult lenses now fully secured.
wonder at the fortitude
that kept you upright,
the love that served us both.
No fault here –
on either side –
just a bittersweet understanding.
(Life, in retrospect, offers new revelations. Â Poem inspired by Reena’s Exploration challenge – image as prompt.)
Laughter, like sunshine,
cleared the air, painted our hearts
verdant love renewed.
(A haiku borrow from Twitter. Â Visit me @Vjknutson. Image from personal collection.)