Author: VJ

Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

Dichotomy of Christmas

Between festive preparations
and Mother’s dying wishes
I walk a surreal line – numbed
surface belying broiling depths

I will serve the bird, scrape
the carcass, sing praises
and slip into solitude to grieve –
Mother’s flesh languishing.

(Last year, when I penned this poem, my mom was contemplating assisted dying. I supported her wish, but not without accompanying grief. This year, her absence weighs heavily on the preparations for Christmas, and I know I am not alone. Many of us feel our losses even deeper at this time of year.)

Varnish

Ice has blown in overnight
tree branches coated,
sparkling…

… I search for a word
evasive, my fogged brain
having released so many
to the void…

“Varnish?” I ask aloud
“What’s that?” comes an answer
my son-in-law always helpful
spies my hand on butcher block

“Do you mean the finish on the wood?
That’s varnish, yes.”

“No.” I bite my trembling lip.
Indicate the scene outside the window,
the tree with its new shiny coat

“Like varnish!” he exclaims
“That works.”

“Nature’s varnish!” I proclaim

Creativity –
a sometimes bi-product
of a faulty mind.

(Image my own)

The Call That Never Came

I called you.
That one time.
Poured my heart out..
such despair.

I called you.
You weren’t there.
Left a message –
garbled words
rushed to beat
the inevitable beep.

Regret immediate,
then panic –
ineradicable
this outpouring
of a lonely heart,
fantasizing.

I called you.
You didn’t answer.
You never called back.

Thank you for that.

(Poem first appeared on One Woman’s Quest II. Image my own)

Blues

Unshakeable blue
I am ocean drawn
willing movement
suspended…

Fears meet me here
at the blackened shore
I want to believe
trust the light…

But legs no longer carry me
and heaven forbid the tide
should bring unruly waves –
drowning would be inevitable

So, I hug the shore
hold my breath
and dream of
a more forgiving blue.

(Inspired by Sadje’s challenge: What do you see? based on featured image.)