Category: aging
Enough
Whatever you do
give it 110%
Father’s words
whirl,
confuse,
belittle
ambiguous, at best,
attainment remote
I am not enough
Good, better, best,
never let them rest…
morning chant –
eggs and bacon,
(seldom acceptable)
served up
by an ever-inadequate
mother,
Father’s criticism
whipping,
cruel
I will never be enough
apologize before beginning
a wallflower
on the social scene
a plebe
in the working world
presence hesitant
accomplishment tentative
Winners never quit and
quitters never win
blood boils
silently
I scream
Till I cannot bear one more
extempore lecture
face my foe
square on
catch a glimpse
of what?…
self-doubt?
fear?
These tirades
are not personal
it is not my ineptitude
at stake
merely the railings
of a tortured soul
trying to find
solid footing
on unsteady ground
I am learning to be enough.
(V.J.’s weekly challenge is accomplishment. Â I’ve been pondering why it is so difficult to feel as if I’ve accomplished anything, when logically I know I have. Â The daily prompts helped me to put this in context. Â Thanks for Fandango for ambiguous, Ragtag Community for extempore, Daily Addictions for remote.)
Losing Direction
Certain, are we,
of the direction chosen,
authoritative in our drive…
yet, impulsivity rides along
and our assets are but plastic,
and these dreams of ours
are they even realistic?
Oh how adversity casts aspersions;
how easily plans crumble
focus deteriorates, threatens
to abandon, desire takes a back seat
to the dictates of old agendas…
we revert, wait for endings –
certain closure will refuel purpose…
and fret: is resolution even possible?
and is it necessary
or can we reload,
set course anew,
let faith keep us afloat?
(Inspired by a dream and written for Sammi Cox’s Weekend Writing prompt #63: crumble, which challenges us to write a composition in 88 words.)
A Final Mystery
Is death a gentle reprieve,
a final release of suffering
a promised resting place?
Or is it contemplation
coloured by memories
demanding retribution?
Will death bring reunion
unleash forgiveness
shine with revelation?
Will one final earthly breath
call forth all the fragments of the soul
and restore wholeness?
I have witnessed death –
both embraced and unwanted –
snatch the spirit from its nest
felt the whoosh of escape
and a swirl of celebration,
known the peace that follows
witnessed the body, open-eyed
and open-mouthed
become a vacuum –
discarded membranes;
an impotent shell.
The spirit does not dwell there;
it lives on borrowed time.
Where it goes when all is done
remains life’s poignant mystery.
(Originally posted January of 2015, this poem fits V.J.’s Weekly Challenge theme of mystery, hosted on One Woman’s Quest II. Â There is still time to participate. Â Head on over and check it out.)
Graveyard Fears

(RonovanWrites Weekly Haiku Poetry Prompt Challenge #209 Old & Days)
Even Ghosts Yearn
Natural light preferable
to artificial – not the harsh
fullness of noonday sun
but softly filtered rays –
luxurious, inviting.
Love too, should be subdued,
gentle as a zephyr, not mythical
but yielding, mindful;
not worshipful nor boastful,
but comforting, warm
I am waning light,
the mistral wind wafting,
no longer a force of nature –
but smoke, spiraling,
vanishing into non-existence
And yet, even as shadows
spread, I yearn –
heart beating true,
not lost, not forgotten,
but withdrawn, humbled
passion mellowed
by toil of constructing walls –
grit and tar – scar’s long buried,
save the limping gait
of a ghost.
(This poem, worming its way into my thoughts all day, took shape when Sammi Cox’s Weekend Writing Prompt appeared:  zephyr.  Image is from personal collection.)
Fizzled Out
Let’s resurrect the fireworks
pretend we’re young again
we laugh to hide the sorrow
the ludicrousness of it all
reliability applicable only
to sentiments, little else
post surgeries, chronic
illness and radiation’s turn
fireworks are for the young,
we agree returning to our screens.
(We’ll blame this poem on the prompts of the day: Â Fandango’s: fireworks, Ragtag Communities: resurrect, and Daily Addictions: reliable.)
Speak No Evil
Suspect
these sentiments,
gnarled and ungrateful,
only serve to tip the scale
in favour of cynicism
have, therefore,
decided on self-
imposed quarantine;
will be keeping thoughts
to myself, thank you.
Suffice to say
that having confronted
multiple betrayals,
and insurmountable
heartache, all pointing
vile accusations
at a lack of discernment,
and questionable self-worth,
I am currently not imbibing
romantic dribble –
Oh, dear! I’ve said too much.
(Inspired by the daily promptings of: Fandango (suspect), Ragtag Community (scale), Daily Addictions (intimidate), and Sammi Cox’ Weekend Writing Prompt (quarantine).
Image produced by yours truly.)
Shoebox Dreams
A simple shoebox, repurposed
with plastered images of dreams –
paper affirmations of aspirations –
shelved and forgotten, its contents
snapshots, faded and torn, remnants
of another time, a different future –
captured when potential was prime
and possibility untainted by illness
this one was retirement – a supposed
celebration – but note how the colour
has drained, the cracks obliterating
pride of accomplishment; and notice
how this one crumbles to the touch –
the fragments dissipating even as
my life has dissipated, the image
lost before memory resurfaces, so
much loss when circumstance dictates
direction, overpowers will, and plans
like snowflakes, vanish in the heat
of reality – pain and insult burning
but wait – this one looks promising –
the edges only slightly torn, the image
discernible – could it be that there is
hope yet – a future author I might be?
That’s the thing about times to come,
we fill them with imaginings, and pray,
our hope, like balloons set free in a sea
of unforeseen challenges, and seldom
does the end result reflect projected
plotting, and yet, there is power in
the dreaming, and so I’ll replace the old
with new photographs to store away.
(Originally penned for National Poetry month, I am repurposing this poem here for Daily Addictions prompt: generate, Fandango’s: captured, and Ragtag Community’s: reduce.)
Love, Like Shoes
If searching for love
was like shopping for shoes,
I’d fixate on the simplest
of finds, choosing practicality
over fashion flair.
My preference is for earthy,
unassuming: plain is fine
as long as the structure
gives me room to breath –
no grasping too tight.
If I shopped for love,
like I do for shoes,
I’d ignore those pushy
sales lines, opt instead
for a supportive sole,
settle for guaranteed comfort
over flashy heels, can’t bear
the instability of pedestals,
love flattery like most,
but need to feel grounded.
No doubt I’d question
my selection, offer it up
to my children for feedback
be mocked, dissuaded,
put it back and search anew,
discover futility in my seeking,
realize that I need new love
like I need new shoes –
only a foolish indulgence
for a woman who lives in bed.
(This poem, inspired by a dream, was penned when I was still bed bound, two years ago. Â Hope it made you smile. Â If you found yourself on the hunt for love, what would you look for?
p.s. my husband fits the criteria still, lol.)