Category: aging

Relevance

She’s papering the walls
pondering former rooms
unmarked by her presence

Patterns alternate,
she thinks
then prays
will harmonize

She doesn’t need much –
a forever mantra  —

a bed, a chair for reading…

Contentment, she tells herself,
 the sufficiency of simplicity –

A side table, a lamp
a few drawers
 
A well-practiced diminishment
When did invisibility become her norm?

Sewing herself into the fabric of life
Always adapting to the flow

A stab of anger, or is it sorrow
These four walls her final stop

If she is to make a statement
raise her voice against conformity
the time is now

A slash of red, she decides
will rattle the monotony
render her relevant

At least this once.

(Sketch my own)

Silently, I Follow

Silently, I follow
novice heart absent

Who can maneuver
the breathless streams

attempt a spiritual viewpoint
while continuously overwhelmed?

Urgently in need of a breakthrough
I am done, outdated

Summer’s passage conceded
this soul requires triage

An experience of caring
that does not resemble a demand for more.

(Image my own)

Age and Obstacles

Sloth-like she shuffles
each stride an argument
against unwilling muscles,
ignores spasms, lips pursed
in concentration, advances

Cockeyed he totters,
step…hop…step, poker-hot
stabs punctuating his effort
moves swiftly as if to out run
pain, face set in determination

They are out of sync, oddball
awkward sightseers, obstacles
for the fast-moving able-bodies
that whir past unable to fathom
motivation in crooked spines.

The race here is against time,
propelled by insatiable thirst,
they forage for snippets worthy
of hoarding, squirrels readying
for winter’s harsh call, days

when minds still alert will hunger
despite bodies inert, they will
dine on memory, boast about
the daring, reminisce fondly
over adventures hard won.

(A portrait of aging, first published in 2017. Image my own)

Lines

Give me a map
and I will trace the lines
of where I have been

A timeline
will communicate
my raison d’être

Report cards
demonstrate the depth
of my conformity

Lines on my face
a testament
to personal efforts

Good girls colour in the lines
and I am no different
waxing orange and green

Wishing to create contours
differentiate self
from the compliance

Essence is fluid
and lines flimsy
and substance seeks
exposure and celebration

And try as I might
the orange of my soul
bleeds into blank spaces

and green of my nature
reaches across divisions
and I shall not succumb

to prescribed limits
and I invite you to do the same
colour with me outside the lines.

(Art my own)

I See It Now

Commit doubting
Unaware of agendas,
inferiority driven
tainted by dependency

Seeking familiarity –
anxiety in togetherness –
a stranger to pridefulness

Shouldn’t love be comfortable
at least, at the outset?

I am spontaneous,
I tell myself,
rely on Fate’s presence
no need to discern

Might as well send out an invite:
This heart is unlocked;
abuse welcome here!

(Image my creation)

Nightmare

This malaise
this undeniable melancholy
product of isolation…
of an unreliable mind

What shadows awaken me?
a flash of car beams
or something more sinister?

Illness heightens sensitivity
I am set on ‘wired’ –
Internally running,
externally frozen

Sleep will not return
I don bravado
call out the ghosts
“Show yourself!”

Nothing.
Now I am raging –
“Who dares to disrupt slumber
then cowers in corners?”

Shadows grow eyes
and the walls undulate
a figure emerges
self in negative

I cower
pray I am delusional
mirrored self points downward
where floorboards recede

Skeletal remains
fill the earthen pit
nonsensical bones
of immortal pasts

Danger lurking
and I am not immune
the time has come
to submit…

(Image my own)