How often I’ve reconstructed that wall,
and still it crumbles, the universe
and ever-reaching temptation,
her tentacles tearing at the fabric
of this constraint –
I am losing the battle,
have little left of value
in this black and white world –
conformity does not suit
my disposition –
Unwieldy as I am, I will climb
that ladder, follow the uncoventional,
delve once more into the mystery.
(Written for Hélène Vaillant’s What Do You See? challenge. Featured image is the prompt.)
I would stand on my head,
call in the big leagues,
imagine fun, opportunity,
but constantly meet with
the wall of your limitations.
My desire is innocent – impish
maybe – dependable; hope to
create memorable moments,
but boredom is oppressive,
and you are shutting me out.
I am alone here, hoop jumping,
giving of myself, willing to take
ownership in this rejection play
but relationship is not one-sided
and this game piece is opting out.
Every woman needs a man,
her mother told her, to make
her complete. To submit,
she realizes, too late, soul
traded for high-rise living,
big city dreams numbing
inner losses; she eats to
appease an inner sorrow,
a second-rate childhood,
afraid of being a burden,
loathe to create a stir,
conditioned complacency:
appeasing, pleasing, follows
plans, avoids decisions, never
really knows where she is going.
Can she fault the man, schooled
to provide – the alpha male taking
ownership/ charge? His child
lives here too, feeds on impulses,
craves attention, overcompensates
for fears of lacking with bravado;
cannot understand why she never
asserts her self, alternately reads
acceptance and disapproval, frets –
an eternally unsettled gnawing gut.
They stumble over one another, seek
separation in small quarters, discuss
repairmen, schedules – nothing;
avoid deeper issues like the fact
that they are both suffocating, near
jumping off the ledge of their high
faluting existence, into the snarl
of traffic that immobilizes them.
The noise of city living has negated
their ability to listen, the distractions
altered them; the distance between
is too far to bridge in a single sigh,
and she, no longer submissive,
has joined him, and checked out.
One Woman's Quest 