Is this estrangement self-imposed
or does my awkward rapture
set me aside?
More engaged in recording nature
than in ordinary banter –
find the portal to human interaction
passing questionable
throngs focus on such peculiarities
while I attempt sketching relations
trees akin to cousins,
and birds happily possessing my soul
we are escapees –
alternate beings
charged with renewal.
(Sketch my own)
We are not islands
isolated
insulated
to be ignored
We are hearts engaged
in a relational dance:
intertwining stories
weaving new tales
Yearning for love’s reciprocity
Delighting in wonder of discovery
Slugging through painful demise
Striving to be better
We build walls
construct towers
follow paths leading nowhere –
the pitfalls of our quest
Artificial barriers
lofty ideals
dead ends…
and still we push on
Dreaming of hands that hold
and gentle waters
soothing and war
passionate kisses
Love’s rewards
We exist
not for accumulation
but for the gifts that arise
when open hearts dance.
(Image my own)
The serpent alerted me
boa sized terror disrupting sleep
I tried to push it back
but the beast insisted
“Keep driving forward, woman
I am at your side”
It came again
infiltrating my slumber
with a wide mouthed warning –
“I could consume you,
you better be ready”
Of course, I looked away.
It was a tiger next,
whose force, unmistakeable
sat upon my legs
rendering me inert
“You will pay attention”
he warned. No argument there
But how am to decipher
these nightly messages
the power of such beings
infiltrating my waking moments
am I going mad?
It would be the wolf
whose presence caught me
mid-flight, awake while dreaming
that startled me the most
“No time”, he said, “the moment is now”
And I awoke with a shudder
heart drumming an anxious tempo
and that’s when the letter arrived
telling me that we were finished
flesh of my flesh
no longer forgiving
and then the dog died
and I know that things come in threes
and the threads of my heart
barely holding on
can’t handle anything else
and my mind burns with questions
If only I’d paid attention
when that first snake appeared.
(Inspired by dreams. My art)
Commit doubting
Unaware of agendas,
inferiority driven
tainted by dependency
Seeking familiarity –
anxiety in togetherness –
a stranger to pridefulness
Shouldn’t love be comfortable
at least, at the outset?
I am spontaneous,
I tell myself,
rely on Fate’s presence
no need to discern
Might as well send out an invite:
This heart is unlocked;
abuse welcome here!
(Image my creation)
I’m returning the jewels
loaned to me
Settling
for smaller trinkets…
…a teddy bear
a paper parasol…
I know it’s been a while
but I haven’t forgotten
It’s harder these days
relying on others
Accommodations unnerve
so I stay away…
…a silver ring
a hat for Teddy…
It’s enough really
I haven’t much to spend
but your faith in me
means a lot
and warmed by our connection
I’m willing to invest…
I don’t need diamonds or pearls
just trinkets to remind me…
(Image my own)
Betrayal hugs with enthusiasm
public displays of warmth
so charming
Betrayal clutches vials
and pockets the laundry money
and gives a cheeky wink
Betrayal taps the shoulder
and ducks before the reveal
grins like the Cheshire cat
Plays me like a top
spinning, spinning,
and toppling hard
till I’m bent over
head between my legs
glancing backward
Sure that I just saw
the white rabbit,
out of breath
Each word a pill
making me bigger
or smaller
Then off with my head
Betrayal has made me a pawn
till it tires of me and moves on….
(Image my own.)
Love’s waters rise
defy the impossibility
of our sedentary walls –
tides and emotions
like sculptors
reshaping the contours
of opposition, softening
the places where hearts meet.
(Art my own)
To be as the nightjar,
identity hidden
in a nest of leaves
hunger for solitude
the time it takes
to heal soul wounds
Lies I tell myself –
true healing happens
with compassion
Sacred gift
of unconditional love
bestowed by a kindred heart
(Tuesdays, I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own)
Positioned scapegoat
remind me why? This exile
arid, confusing –
did not create the chaos;
merely tried to rescue you…
(Tuesday, I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own)
Do not apologize –
the fault lies not with you
Love, while lauded for its cures,
is not always compensation
for a life of turmoil –
I know you loved her
Watched as you let your dreams slide
heart wringing with your own sorrow
There was just something about her
men lined up to grasp… to make her
What? Theirs? Happy?
It was not to be
She barely possessed herself..
Even in death, I reach for her
try to define the ruse,
but her essence is elusive
No, you are not at fault…
for she was never really there.
(Mirage first appeared April, 2021. Image mine)
One Woman's Quest 