It came in the peak of summer that most optimistic time, when sunshine equates with health and bodies glow with exertion fit and in their prime – it came
with all the fury of a winter blast harsh and cold and unyielding – wrestling me from my complacency annihilating vibrancy, self-definition de-leafed, rendering me raw, exposed.
I clung to the darkness, blanketed against the harshness of light, the impossibility of sound, or scent – was de-shelled, ungrounded, ravaged by volatile nerves and misfiring impulses
praying for the certainty of death… but it is spring that follows winter and in time, restlessness set in – the dogged whine of hope willing my mind to stretch, my body to try
spirit, tired of withdrawal, pushed against the wall of dysfunction, bolstered by a shifting acceptance found roots in an unspoken faith and I felt possibility, like a tiny sprout
reaching for the sunshine, ventured out of my cocoon – still alive! Redefining purpose – still precarious, highly vulnerable but optimistic for the return of summer.
(Rebirthing first appeared on One Woman’s Quest II March, 2018. Image my own)
That time, playing in the muck, foot emerging without a boot, hopping and laughing all the way home…
Then, later, on the bus the impact of the car the windshield cracking like a giant spider blood all over the dead lady’s face
All in the past – sunroof open kids riding along, music blaring
But trauma is a spider Arachne reaching into happy places and as much as I speed up to avoid her, fight to disable her attack; she weaves herself new limbs, begins the onslaught anew
And I am stuck in the mud again no longer limber enough to dance my way home in the rain.
(The Car Crash first appeared here in March of 2020. Edited for this version. Image my own.)