There are shores that remain
ever-etched upon my heart –
emotional tides that tug
and carry me, currents
of past revelations –
I remember drowning
in the swells of loneliness
always the outsider, the grains
of this sentimentality
still shredding my adult soul.
(Borrowed from my former Twitter page. Image my own)
I would befriend hesitation,
take her shopping with me,
invest the time, but impulse
is my constant companion.
Hesitation, born of shared
trauma, labours over pain-
filled decisions; my need is
palpable, throbbing, must
suffocate it beneath layers
of numbing fabric, weight;
afraid to show myself, afraid
that she will find me, block
any progress, or worse, make
me pay for these layers of
stolen moments; encounter
crazy reflected in her eyes.
(Found this little gem hidden away in 2016 poems. Art my own. Current theme is ‘Women Entangled”)
I miss your wisdom;
could use some about now,
confidence lacking
Life’s what you make of it,
you’d say, and
You’re doing a good job…
Truth is, I’ve made a lot of mistakes –
call it stubbornness or stupidity-
but I failed to plan, Dad
Not bemoaning life
It’s been really good
and I know you did the same
I’m just tired of doubting my self
Watching the rest of the world
reach their goals and then retire
While I can never tell –
am I doing a good job
am I even appreciated?
Remember the day my marriage died
and I came to you, crumpled
spewing anger, defeated…
And you cried with me
raging on my behalf, said:
Goddamn it, you deserve better than this!
Funny that through all the pain
your walls, my walls
you, alone could see me
Tragic how I only understand that now
death and years separating us –
my need for you still raw.
(Image my own – cut and paste with AI)
Pages turn themselves
and I, mesmerized, consume –
words sating hunger
(For Sadje’s What Do You See Challenge: Photo is prompt.)
Yearning for renewal
we wrestle dragons –
unsuspected passages,
like time machines
scattering ticket stubs
We distract
seek nourishment
percolate meaning
Nostalgic nuances
succumb to
jagged memories –
Cubism in motion.
(Art mine)
Oh that Spring gale,
she’s such a storyteller –
awakens the land
fiddles with expectations –
Welcome post-Winter trickster.
(Image my own)
Gathered up all the love
I’d previously rejected
pulled it to me
like a well-worn cloak
Imagined the comfort
such a vibration would bring
oblivion amounting to bliss
But love –
my interpretation of it –
does not nullify pain
And I writhed in its intensity
pain physically ingrained
burdened by memories
How can this be? I cried
In darkness I turned to love
projected nirvana
uncovered such an ache
Rejection, I surmise
allots protection
Love reveals
source of suffering
depth of denial
neglect of self
I’ve conjured only what-ifs
and could-have-beens
deluded attempts at restoration
Love does not dwell
in fantastical places
but here, in the moment,
when wide-eyed, I embrace
what is, walls down
vulnerability inviting compassion.
(Art mine)
Sweet solitude
sacred silence, surround me
Imagination
thrives under your spell – unleash
the magic; I shall create
(Art my own, with a nod to AI)
Extract the miracle
from the celebrated
Each story is lifeless
until told – its patterns
Stubborn, are innate –
We all crave renewal
I crave renewal
arms extended
fists unfolded
Believe in will –
the power to breathe life
into inert corners
Does not life support us?
Is not consciousness infinite?
and the divine patient?
Yesterday, I gave up
resigned myself to failure
(It’s a joke I play on myself)
This soul labours to find meaning
and I will breathe life into form
until quitting time finds me cleansed.
(Art my own)
One Woman's Quest 