Is a child meant
to carry her father’s legacy?
The discomfort of his skin
rubbing against her dreams
till she is fallen, raw,
paralyzed and unable to flourish?
Is a daughter meant
to carry the burden
of her father’s grief?
His powerlessness hers?
His fate hers to shatter?
I wear my father’s hurt
like a personal affront
am armed to go to battle
searching for the words
that will set us both free
He lying in his grave
me, awake and able.
(Photo collage my own)
Is this estrangement self-imposed
or does my awkward rapture
set me aside?
More engaged in recording nature
than in ordinary banter –
find the portal to human interaction
passing questionable
throngs focus on such peculiarities
while I attempt sketching relations
trees akin to cousins,
and birds happily possessing my soul
we are escapees –
alternate beings
charged with renewal.
(Sketch my own)
Love’s waters rise
defy the impossibility
of our sedentary walls
tides and emotions
like sculptors
reshaping the contours
of opposition, softening
the places where hearts meet.
(Image my own)
We are not islands
isolated
insulated
to be ignored
We are hearts engaged
in a relational dance:
intertwining stories
weaving new tales
Yearning for love’s reciprocity
Delighting in wonder of discovery
Slugging through painful demise
Striving to be better
We build walls
construct towers
follow paths leading nowhere –
the pitfalls of our quest
Artificial barriers
lofty ideals
dead ends…
and still we push on
Dreaming of hands that hold
and gentle waters
soothing and war
passionate kisses
Love’s rewards
We exist
not for accumulation
but for the gifts that arise
when open hearts dance.
(Image my own)
Yearning, so unrestrained
passion’s flame willfully
failing accountability
Urgency is infectious
vulnerability feeds the sickness
co-dependence overstays
Naïvité on repeat –
mother complex burns
obsessive obligations
Abandonment inevitable
wounds stagnating
threaded histories unravelling
Grief, oppression –
How does one breathe?
Sorrowful, unbalanced
Unmodulated caring
charred tendencies
destined to scorch anew.
(Image mine)
Slammed by expectations
silenced by your rage
the hero in me exhausted
I can’t make it right, my love
when communication is forbidden
and the voices in your head
hold us both hostage
I’m clinging to memories
resolved to leave here
integrity intact
identity intact
The mayhem in your words
has cut the ties –
I know where I stand
mental health at stake
I’m setting my intention
walking away –
will find my own footing
and hope you don’t forget
That love always holds answers
and despite my somber exterior
the back door to my heart
is always open
(Art my own)
The serpent alerted me
boa sized terror disrupting sleep
I tried to push it back
but the beast insisted
“Keep driving forward, woman
I am at your side”
It came again
infiltrating my slumber
with a wide mouthed warning –
“I could consume you,
you better be ready”
Of course, I looked away.
It was a tiger next,
whose force, unmistakeable
sat upon my legs
rendering me inert
“You will pay attention”
he warned. No argument there
But how am to decipher
these nightly messages
the power of such beings
infiltrating my waking moments
am I going mad?
It would be the wolf
whose presence caught me
mid-flight, awake while dreaming
that startled me the most
“No time”, he said, “the moment is now”
And I awoke with a shudder
heart drumming an anxious tempo
and that’s when the letter arrived
telling me that we were finished
flesh of my flesh
no longer forgiving
and then the dog died
and I know that things come in threes
and the threads of my heart
barely holding on
can’t handle anything else
and my mind burns with questions
If only I’d paid attention
when that first snake appeared.
(Inspired by dreams. My art)
That day we strolled riverside
Wild poppies in full bloom
guiding us
The reassurance you needed
stuck on my tongue –
age and language separating us
We walked in silence –
a regret I carry
Now the poppies remind me
that you were less than naive
that life had wounded you
and that what I had to offer
was so much more than
a voiceless presence
But I was afraid too
And I let you go
My heart bleeds
the colour of poppies
My breath catching
every time I remember
That day
when the river guided us
and the poppies bloomed
and I failed to listen.
(Dedicated to my dear Alina, who had to be brave at a vulnerable time, and whom I miss dearly. Image my own.)
Exposed are we,
voyageurs crossing
this great expanse-
One tiny vessel
bearing life’s weight,
two oars to navigate
Unknown depths below
and shadows murky –
we push on. Row. Row.
Sights set on new land
uncharted possibilities –
pray the crossing favours us
Then a shape emerges –
great hulking mass –
parting waters,
rising and transforming
Is this a caricature of our fear?
I am mesmerized,
project a divine presence
look for mystical signs
He shrugs,
pragmatically notes that
the St Lawrence is home
to such mammals
I dream of whales,
crave communion –
yearn for their certainty
their knowing
Just as I wait for a sign
from the departed –
inviting a simpler life,
inspiring hope…
A shore life,
from which I can observe
the numinous.
(Image my own. This is a rewrite of an earlier post)
Commit doubting
Unaware of agendas,
inferiority driven
tainted by dependency
Seeking familiarity –
anxiety in togetherness –
a stranger to pridefulness
Shouldn’t love be comfortable
at least, at the outset?
I am spontaneous,
I tell myself,
rely on Fate’s presence
no need to discern
Might as well send out an invite:
This heart is unlocked;
abuse welcome here!
(Image my creation)
One Woman's Quest 