Author: VJ

Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

Collared and Distant

I side with mundanity
caution-led momentum
still, anxiety interjects

Every day presents beauty
wonder, and where am I?
Slinking away from some black dog –
collared and distant

Life offers me a bridge
and I shrink, ducking into
sheltered viewpoints
praying the moment
passes me by

No wonder the black dog
catches me, straining its leash
to sniff this trembling old woman
its handler oblivious to the
fear mounting in the room

I will project the spots of the past
into silent scenarios, and
brace myself as if riding a tiger –
unprepared and hanging on for life

Avoidance is a fool’s game
for life is challenge
and if I’m honest
it’s not the dark that quickens
but rather that which resides within
 
I am the black dog –
collared and distant
I am my spotted past
and I am, in essence
the spirit of the tiger

And I am the very shelter
that I seek
open-doored
and ever-present
for every weary passerby

My walls may be worn
my countenance aging
but I am not without purpose

I shall seek out bridges
and contain these nerves
and cross into the unknown
instinct and intuition intact

Leave anxiety,
collared and distant
behind.

(Image my own)

Compromise

It’s like aiming for the ideal
and settling for second best

Setting your life up for success
then sabotaging the outcome

It’s like committing to a dream
with blinders on – threats ignored

I know where I want to be
have tasted the serenity
steeped in beauty
and lived with peace

Yet the noise continues
the daily bustle,
the inevitable stench
my soul being griddled

It’s what I’ve known, isn’t it?
sanctity at a price –
the absolute terror
of selling out for peace of mind

I will plant gardens here
at the edge of insanity
and outline my future
denial at my side.

(Art my own)