poetry – Page 66 – One Woman's Quest

Day 258 “Empires”

Scaly slate wings entomb;
morbid fear rank;
visions blurred by despair-
my father’s empire.

Manacled, powerless
an involuntary accomplice;
Mother’s words attempt to assuage
Her eyes scream: “Run!”

Rigidly erect the Emperor
regards us condescendingly:
sneering, denying culpability
while the dragon’s tail tightens its grip.

Prisoner of this desolate reality
I shrivel, and decline
withdrawing inward
my flame an imperceptible smouldering.

Until a whispering of possibility
planted deep within the rubble
pushes upwards, grows silently
constructing, perfecting armour.

Life or death uncertain
I face the tyrant
Call him out and hold steady
Against the roaring of the beast.

Time and perseverance
Slay the ungodly
reducing omnipotence,
to pitiful pleading for mercy.

Welcoming the sunshine
embracing peace
and personal freedom,
I grant him forgiveness

and pray from my place
of solitude and healing
that my perceived oppressor
will, one day, forgive me.

retracting

shrivelled at my feet
begging for forgiveness

pining for kindness
disbelieving heart.

You’d think that sleep would be my friend.
Like a lover she would seduce me,
lulling me into her black oblivion,
coaxing me into her ocean of darkness
a current of ever-changing images
gently rocking and soothing:
restoration.

You’d think that sleep would be my friend,
But she is a multi-armed demon
tossing me from shore to shore
taunting me with her liquid blackness
abandoning me, exhausted and spent
the last laps of receding tide washing over me,
as dawn’s first rays ignite.

If sleep is an ocean,
then I am the castaway,
capsized,
stranded,
hopeless.

How did this shipwreck occur?
What sin did I perpetuate,
To set me on this tumultuous course.
What sacrifice must my soul make
For sleep to once again be my friend?

Day 256 “Letters and Words”

Letters jostle for position
back-up
attempt to regroup
get detoured.

Frustration builds
and obstacles
pop-up –
cognition faltering.

Circuits are jumbled
pathways rerouting
patience exploding
expression lost.

Word recall
out of order
Word recognition
under construction.

Is there an exit
from this nightmare?

Day 255 “Take a Step Back”

I am living in my father’s house
with a man who said ‘I do”
then didn’t – at least not with me.

These walls, built with lies,
deception whispering in each corner-
betrayal bouncing off my lover’s soul.

No comfort is found here,
Expectations are beyond me
I am over my head. Stop!

Take a step back.
The house is vacant,
past inhabitants now ghosts.

I have a voice.

Here is not the place to use it.

Take a step back.
Walk away.
Victory is not the goal.

Take a step back.
Let it go.
These are but hollow, old walls.

A Final Mystery

Is death a gentle reprieve,
a final release of suffering
a promised resting place?

Or is it contemplation
coloured by memories
demanding retribution?

Will death bring reunion
unleash forgiveness
shine with revelation?

Will one final earthly breath
call forth all the fragments of the soul
and restore wholeness?

I have witnessed death –
both embraced and unwanted –
snatch the spirit from its nest

felt the whoosh of escape
and a swirl of celebration,
known the peace that follows

witnessed the body, open-eyed
and open-mouthed
become a vacuum –

discarded membranes;
an impotent shell.

The spirit does not dwell there;
it lives on borrowed time.

Where it goes when all is done
remains life’s poignant mystery.

Ostracized

Disturbances alarm me
an intentional bystander
burying my head,
avoiding conflict.

Strife spills over
butting up against
personal limitations
forgetting myself
I engage
finding unforeseen strength,
defying odds
then remembering
letting go,
deflated.

I feel targeted
displaced rage
threatens me, stalks
and I am helpless
vulnerable.
My pleas for help
unheard, unanswered.

My life is at stake here people!
Pay attention!

Expectations are high
uplifted by progress;
promising road ahead-
I am out of sync
missing opportunities,
losing my place
forgotten

disability
limits me
I have no strength
but I have needs

Life taunts me
within arms reach
yet inaccessible –
rights diminished.

I crave life,
sustenance,
connection,

in isolation.

Day 253 Power

Hope glides
on the wings
of the early morning
dawn; awakening.

Whispered
promises:
new beginnings
bright possibilities.

Hope smiles
electric blue,
sunshine yellow
darkness receded.

Reality slams
the door closed
harsh recollection
shatters illusion.

Colours fade
to gray –
nothing
has changed.

Hope trails:
a gossamer thread;
a faint flutter;
refusing to die.

The soul
shuns reality’s
heavy-handed
dictation,
relying instead
on the wistful
subtleties:
a butterfly
in the wind.

Who wins
in this struggle
for absolute reign?

Do I surrender,
resign myself
to what is?

Or heed, what?
An impulse,
a glimpse?

Hope has
deceived me
before,

Reality has
proven equally
as unreliable.

Uncertainty.

Uncertainty
is the only power
that speaks the truth.

Day 252 “Discomfort”

I exist
somewhere betweeen
here and the Netherworlds.
a ghost woman,
wanderer
lost soul.

I exist
on the periphery
semi-conscious
semi-paralyzed
inept at
communicating

I exist
reliant on help
and courtesy
and goodwill
and willingness
to do for me.

I exist
disoriented
frustrated with inabilty
afraid
yearning for
home

unable to remember
where home is
or how to get there
or who to call

vague memories:
reasurrances
loving acceptance
strength and
forgiveness

I am cold
body tired
energy spent
trapped in
some-other-verse

trying to send
out a signal
rescue me
find me
I exist.

The Shadow of Shame

Head down, absorbed with your mundane task,
you diligently work with pregnant anticipation.
Hesitantly, I approach,
offering commendation.
Straightening, you stare through me
and turn your back
your silence a concrete wall
between us.

Embarrassed, I retreat
across the frozen landscape
of your inhospitality,
stinging with rejection,
stumbling in my own
awkwardness.

Lounging, you revel
in upcoming adventures
Confident and capable
Shining with radiance.

Overshadowed by your beauty
and superior wit
I am silent,
floundering in my incapability,
not wishing to appear the fool.

I catch you searching,
seeking a place to land
and call your name,
hurrying to catch you,
but you ignore me,
intent on finding your own answer.
Feeling inadequate I shrink back
and hope no one has seen.

I never measure up.
Something about me
elicits shunning.
I am nondescript
invisible.

A young man,
tortured and in trouble
invites me in.
We share a lot in common,
he too knows loss
and condemnation.
He too has made mistakes
and suffered consequences.
He is a willing companion,
and I have found acceptance.

Believe in Yourself

Brightly clad and bristling,
Ego scrambles to organize,
persuade, and manipulate
while Greatness watches calmly,
a knowing smile on her face.

Knowledge trembles with anticipation,
eager, yet hesitant,
confident in her training,
doubting her ability to perform.
Greatness nods encouragingly.

Judgment resists Ego’s wants,
sets up roadblocks, spews criticism.
Ego reeling at the blows,
views herself anew with disgust.
Greatness is nowhere in sight.

Plans thwarted, Ego recoils
back to the source of her dreams.
Greatness waits at the center
Graciously open to listening.
Embarrassed and disheveled, Ego sits.

“I’ve been a fool!” she blurts,
“I wanted so much, thought I could do it all,
but I was wrong. So wrong!”
Greatness does not comply with this ranting,
Offering only silent reassurance.

Ego calms herself, considering her companion.
“You must have struggled in your time,” she observes.
“Known heartache and disapproval.”
“Oh yes!” Greatness nods,
a humourous twinkle in her eye.

“But you never gave up?”
“No. I did not,” comes the kind reply.
“I do look a bit foolish,” Ego persists
“Just overzealous, perhaps.”
Ego pauses to reflect.

“Knowledge stumbled with self-doubt,
yet you knew that she’d succeed,
is that why you supported her?”
Greatness smiles generously,
her nod implying more.

So focused on perfection,
Ego now sees the fault.
Potential, she realizes
doesn’t not come ready-polished
but with willingness to try.

“I need to make some changes,”
she confesses to Greatness and herself.
“To tone down my outer professes,
and tune up my inner strengths.”
“Believe in yourself,” comes the response.

Tag: poetry