A Child’s Grief

I didn’t cry when you died in that fire, you and your sisters and brother. I didn’t cry when we saw the images on the news – the charred remains of your house, four stretchers with black tarps being carried from the scene. I didn’t cry when we all crowded around the coffin – one […]

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Life Challenges Continued

I started this blog four years ago while awaiting the results of a lumpectomy, facing the possibility of cancer and questioning life.   I ducked the bullet, but a year later my husband was not so lucky – he started treatment for Stage III prostate cancer.  Then, to complicate matters, he ruptured his quad tendon and […]

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A Trip to the ER

I have just returned from a record-breaking (in my history) trip to the emergency room and back, and as with all adventures in life, I learned something. I experienced first hand the ignorance of the medical world concerning ME/CFS.  No wonder it took years to get a diagnosis. Please understand that making the choice to […]

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Dump Truck

Cumbersome and heavyweight, determination driving, I roll with a shudder, ignoring limitations, promising caution, pretending control. Road blocks, detours, and bustle – everywhere bustle! Unavoidable confusion. (Control, it seems, is illusory. How had I not anticipated this?) Rattled intentions- delayed reactions – slowed starts. I am an abomination. Children dart about, heightening my angst. Go-getters […]

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Labyrinth

I am a tourist in this life. Expectations of enlightenment, education and entertainment, spur me forward with excited anticipation. Feed me discovery in ordered exhibits, carefully construed facades of control, garner me with a sense of security: I am an eager explorer, readily engaged. By the time wariness enter my consciousness, I am too far […]

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Blessings

My mother’s feet scream with the agony of her miserable condition, underlying the disease that eats at her. My feet, uncallused paddles, slightly bent and fallen, carry on with forgiving kindness. My husband’s knees are red-hot pokers shooting knife-sharp volts with every rickety step he takes. Mine like knots in the spindly trunks that bear […]

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Day 264 “Do Not Wait”

“What does this say Mommy?”  A two-year-old peers intently at the letters on a page. “They’re words, Honey.  You’ll have to wait until you go to school to learn to read.” “When will I have a boyfriend?”  A pre-teen wonders aloud. “Not until you’re older,” she’s told.  “Wait a few years yet.” “I can’t wait […]

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All The Little Pieces

You, old man – silent onlooker, career behind you, motivation stymied senility lurking – You are a part of me. You, grandmother – chronic caregiver, stiffly puttering, good intentions, punctuated by pain – You are a part of me. You, young woman – heart full of passion, longing to embrace life, confined to a wheelchair […]

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Damn you, Hindsight!

  It’s my final year of high school, and while I should be focused on earning scholarships and preparing for University, I am head-over-heels in love. A year my junior, Bob is a dreamboat: quarterback on the football team, downhill racer during the winter season, and lead actor in the school play! I rush to […]

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Day 261 Birth

It’s been almost a year since I received the diagnosis of ME/CFS; two years since the visits to the emergency room escalated and I knew something was very wrong; four years since I suspected my system wasn’t working right.  Step by step along the way I have died in little pieces:  watching my dreams (some […]

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