These hovering lows
how does one escape the pull?
Defensiveness a useless tool
I cannot read intentions
I self-animate
a contrived endeavour
Shine reduced
I am humbled
off colour
Grief, on repeat
I want to disappear
like Peter Pan
childlike, armed
with illustrious fantasies
Could this be metamorphosis –
A paralytic calm
a spell-binding ponder
cracking righteousness
till clarity fades the gray
Oh, how I pray it is
the light of love
chiseling a new path
(Inked sketch my own)
Edging towards gratitude
praying for salvation
It’s where we all want to be, right?
Why then is discernment
telling me to run –
Me, feeling claustrophobic
in crowds?
The chatter is discordant
seems we’re lowering our standards
mistaking temporary fails
as treachery
I try to stay hopeful
but my essence is parked
in invisibility, the clamour
of commercialism
condemning the likes of me
to back alleyways
Danger is everywhere
the lush slopes of ableism
 renders us shut-ins easy prey
progress whizzing by
I live in descent
drawn to and avoidant
of the lure of merging
always lagging
any vibrancy from my kind
perceived as garbage –
faith skips over the victim
drives us to hide
lesser beings are we
I take my chances,
dream of greener pastures
seeking the blessed promise
Joy, life has taught me,
always comes with a side of menace
(Image my own)
Who is at the table
negotiating peace?
A trans man
bares his brave chest
Is his flesh not
our flesh?
Indigineous mothers
cry for lost daughters
Is their plight
not our plight?
Shopkeepers moan
how long can we endure
the inequities
of an indifferent eye?
Child of mine
what future awaits
as I watch our progress
slide, painfully in reverse?
I want to be a beacon
of encouragement
believe that harmony
even exists
But the noise
in the streets
is deafening
truths trampled
The false prophets
the politicians
the blinding pull
of greed
There are none at the table
but anarchy’s decoys.
Fragmented
as this soul may be
fear not this disarray –
I flow with a rhythm –
emphatic beats tuned
to love’s call.
(Art mine)
That day we strolled riverside
Wild poppies in full bloom
guiding us
The reassurance you needed
stuck on my tongue –
age and language separating us
We walked in silence –
a regret I carry
Now the poppies remind me
that you were less than naive
that life had wounded you
and that what I had to offer
was so much more than
a voiceless presence
But I was afraid too
And I let you go
My heart bleeds
the colour of poppies
My breath catching
every time I remember
That day
when the river guided us
and the poppies bloomed
and I failed to listen.
(Dedicated to my dear Alina, who had to be brave at a vulnerable time, and whom I miss dearly. Image my own.)
The stillness within these walls contrasts the frazzled buzzing in town. Shops lined with Christmas must-haves will entice those running on impulse. Buy, buy, buy! This season, more than any other, evokes a yearning for perfection. I am weary of it all, defiantly resisting the urge to dress and venture out for that one last thing. We will gather soon enough, exchange gifts, gorge ourselves on seasonal specialities. Afterward, I will be content to find a quiet corner, reflect and give thanks for another holiday season survived.
Christmas lights sparkle
We’re meant to be of good cheer –
Parched Spruce sheds its charm.
(Image my own)
Silently, I follow
novice heart absent
Who can maneuver
the breathless streams
attempt a spiritual viewpoint
while continuously overwhelmed?
Urgently in need of a breakthrough
I am done, outdated
Summer’s passage conceded
this soul requires triage
An experience of caring
that does not resemble a demand for more.
(Image my own)
What light is this
illuminates the midnight clouds?
I have risen from my bed
lured by this oddness
Suspecting menace,
but finding only wonder
How the walnut radiates
her presence conspiratorial
Pine tree and brush
surely giggle at my confusion
The yard, a marvel in white
glows in the unexpected brightness
I sense, but cannot surmise
a message in this nocturnal glow
Feel only the inadequacy of my awe
and the inferiority of humble words.
(Photo captured at 1:30 am, three nights ago)
How bright is the soul
that dares to stand alone
who gives voice to injustice
who is willing to sacrifice
self for a higher purpose?
What song might we sing
if such a spirit moved us?
(Image my own)
Watching the man wander
between home and industry,
the apron of his trade firmly fixed,
a sparkle of grit in his coiffed beard
The children, too, find joy
in his space, running between
house and workshop,
dog bounding at their feet
proudly on guard.
An outsider
and sink bound
she moves by rote
tea towel slung over shoulder
maintains a distance –
the dream is not hers.
She waits
weights
pretends
denies
Is losing her edges
and the parameters he sets
keep shifting, and
she is falling short
and the children, now hungry
tug on her apron for acknowledgment –
their father having taught them well —
she lives to meet their needs.
What’s for supper? they whine,
already preparing to grouse:
I don’t like that!
You liked it last week, she’ll reply
Weary, she feels herself fading
A meal on the table
and the man drags his feet –
would not award her respect
to appear on time
She’ll abide the disarray
while counting to herself
the minutes till this is over
and the children are in bed
and the man has returned to work
and nothingness is hers…
The numbness of lacking a dream.
(Art my own)
One Woman's Quest 