relationships – Page 2 – One Woman's Quest

Is Optimism Enough?

“Are you happy?”

The question hits
my gut,
slingshots
down the hall
deadends
at optimism

“Of course,” I respond.

What else can I say…
Sure life needs tweaking…
I am learning to be better…
I can make this work…

Why? What do see?
Thoughts unspoken
but the bell has been rung…

(I wrote this poem in 2020, in response to a prompt. It was inspired by an encounter with an old flame, whose question caught me off guard. I was not, in fact, happy at the time – my then marriage about to crumble. The thing is, this event happened almost 30 years ago, and yet remains in my mind. Funny how the psyche holds onto things. Image my own.)

Dear Dad

I miss your wisdom;
could use some about now,
confidence lacking

Life’s what you make of it,
you’d say, and
You’re doing a good job…

Truth is, I’ve made a lot of mistakes –
call it stubbornness or stupidity-
but I failed to plan, Dad

Not bemoaning life
It’s been really good
and I know you did the same

I’m just tired of doubting my self
Watching the rest of the world
reach their goals and then retire

While I can never tell –
am I doing a good job
am I even appreciated?

Remember the day my marriage died
and I came to you, crumpled
spewing anger, defeated…

And you cried with me
raging on my behalf, said:
Goddamn it, you deserve better than this!

Funny that through all the pain
your walls, my walls
you, alone could see me

Tragic how I only understand that now
death and years separating us –
my need for you still raw.

(Image my own – cut and paste with AI)

Relationship Shuffle

Yearning for renewal
we wrestle dragons –
unsuspected passages,
like time machines
scattering ticket stubs

We distract
seek nourishment
percolate meaning

Nostalgic nuances
succumb to
jagged memories –
Cubism in motion.

(Art mine)

Facades

Somehow I knew his mask was porcelain –
impossible to hide the soul’s light
reflected in troubled eyes…

I played along though,
humoured his self-deception
nodded at assertions of calm

Knew that one day the facade would crack
the mask would slip and the rage escape

Why I didn’t run; I do not know
Maybe it was recognition –
my own countenance a carefully construed lie

Maybe I needed to prove to myself
that no matter how violent his storm
this time I would emerge triumphant.

(Poem inspired by Sadje’s What Do You See image prompt.)

We Are Form Emerging

Creativity partners more with chaos than clarity
It craves colour, light, darkness
movement not supported by 2 dimensions

I delude myself into thinking that words,
cleverly positioned, can decipher the compulsion
fail to understand that soul, unchained, has no words

It is the free-flowing expression of music, dance
It follows the murmuration of birds, and
crawls along the earth, serpent-like

I seek the intimacy of knowing other –
raw and unblemished – but how can this be?
We are form emerging from mystery

That I should find you, Love,
there amid the noise of awakening
then I am more than blessed

Your mind reaches for the definable
while I drowsily bask in sensations
our coming together never akin to wholeness

Yet explosive in its imperfection
Oh, if we could see the artistry
arising from two souls seeking unity

Comprehend that we are the instrument
the vessel through which creativity speaks
a magnificent tribute to Life’s source.

(Art is a combination of my own effort and AI.)