Category: change

Making of a Woman

I know that abyss –
swallowed up as I was
punch-drunk on darkness

Bled as I emerged,
each reach a scrape –
there was release too

Revived now, I honour
that passage, recognize
the making of a woman.

(Making of a Woman first appeared here, December 2021. Image: self portrait in ink)

Snake Woman

To lounge
perched oblivious
nature vs domesticity
decision in limbo

I call upon the rains
pray for cleansing
this too-worn skin
eager to shed

I welcome the Divine
sweet messages
of birdsong
serenading

It’s fear that draws me
away from Nature’s charm
a creeping compulsion
that I don’t belong

I am hungry
swallow my prayers whole
wallow in the acidic burn
of betrayal’s ashes

I am greedy in my misery
will stuff myself
with expectation
and forgo pleasure

What am I but baggage?
A burden
locked in my shame

A side show
whose lethargy renders me
incompetent

Illness is a thief
have lost what is sacred
choking on the feathers
of the song that once fed me.

Passion the cloth
that contains me
Time a transformer
if only I surrender

I’ll grow a new skin
confident and fearsome
am I not afterall
reptilian born?

(Art my own)

Rapture

Odd, this gift of solitude. Perched canal side, I affirm my connection to the earth, and offer thanks. Late afternoon sun casts a glow on the foliage across the way, lighting up the mirror-still water. Vibrant reflections.

Two winters ago, I fought to breathe as temperatures fell below zero.  Impassible walkways trapped me indoors.  Depression fought for possession. Hope struggles in imposed isolation.

“There are no absolutes in life,” a professor once told me, and I think of that now –
how just when it feels as if one sentence has been handed down, sealed, an opening appears.  I am fortunate, savour the moment.

Heron’s watchful stride
invites reflection, respect –
Winter’s solitude.

(Image my own.)

Hiss

Wrapped in reptilian attire, change
climbs aboard my well-intentioned scheme
like a boa constrictor – disarming me

I am more inconvenienced than repulsed –
after all, snake is my power animal,
Or so the seer said…many years ago

Days when I would wear the scaly
comportment of power – invite
transformation- my essence a seeker

But I am trying to settle here –
embrace age and its complications
and yet the serpent persists

Sibilance insisting on co-navigation-
and what will be the outcome, I wonder
if I were to surrender to such a calling?

Change does not heed our fears,
our ego-driven agendas…
It bears its fangs and taunts

I exaggerate the threat, of course-
imagine being consumed or suffocated –
disregard the potential for healing

Have no time for reflection or pause –
the course is already set –
I hold on and feign control

(Art my own)

Teach Me

Teach me reverence;
I am losing ground

Children adulting,
mothering in a void

Teach me acceptance
disability’s waters flood

I am in the margins,
an afterthought…

I concede life changes
release control…

Passion begs an outlet;
I am worn…

And I am open…
Teach me.

(Teach Me first appeared here January 2020. Edited for this edition. Art my own)

The Pilgrimage

A soft-sided,
well worn,
briefcase
slouches
in a closet

One side agape,
a red lanyard
stuffed inside –
occupational identity

A row of black, brown, and gray pumps
line up beside it – a thin layer of dust
betraying idleness.

Silent, unblinking,
a television recedes
into the wall,
flanked on either side
by smiling images –
shadows of nostalgia.

Stacks of books
and journals
rumour
a scholarly mind.

The woman,
to whom all these trivialities
once had relevance
is no longer here.

She has been called to another purpose.

(Originally written in 2014, The Pilgrimage strives to help me understand the purpose behind losing all to illness. Image my own)