Carefully we construct
security for offspring,
add luxuries to entertain,
accommodate growth
with additions, play host
to revolving-door friends.
And yet, we are graded
on performance – met
or unmet expectations –
help up against a stack
of other super parents –
silhouettes of perfection.
Still, we celebrate growing
aspirations, sprouting family,
ignore the slanders, and ease
into age with a tad of kook,
or wild inappropriateness –
all expressions of our love.
Have landed –
actually, volunteered for –
a supporting role
intended fun, but
comedy eluded,
am fighting for a life
fearful choreography
exacting a cathartic script
haywire admission of fault
my memory fails
positions me, in brief
spurts, faltering
co-performers push
encourage, emanate
loving commitment
buy into mania
my cause: avoidance
beyond distraction
I miss crucial lines
am unlatched
trailing off
self-punish
repeated regression
amends scripted
such a production
ignoring undefined
hunger, knowledge
contracted,
blossoming role
forgettable
like Shakespeare
manufacturing
good-hearted bits
staging a performance
detailing elements
turning points
obligated to a
co-dependent audience
willing to settle
no acts define scenes
no exit for escape
stage door revolves
and I’ve landed –
no, volunteered for
a secondary role.
(Image from pinterest.com)
So much rides on adherence to script –
carefully mapped out movements and
lines delivered with precise intonation.
Creativity stuffed into memorized
passages, rehearsed roles, timing
contrived for optimum reactions.
It’s all about the audience, approval,
the importance of positive acclaim,
aiming for that encore performance.
My soul is an improviser –
loathes conventionality,
fears stagnation,
disrupts routine scenarios
with flashes of spicy wit;
thrives on the unexpected,
fueled by gasps, or ohs, or titter,
ignores the pandemonium
as fellow players scramble
to find their cues,
fall in line.
A trickster-spirit
arrogantly hogging the stage
deliberately sabotaging
prescribed protocols;
chastised.
I am contrite, beg forgiveness,
swear to behave in character,
follow predetermined dialogue.
Curtain is set to rise on Act II;
pressure mounting; conformity
threatens to strangle my soul:
panic sets in –
I am not prepared,
have not committed to memory
this role I’ve been assigned –
am certain to disappoint,
again.
One Woman's Quest 