Death Threat

“Viewers are cautioned that this next report contains images that may be disturbing to some.”

Naturally, I turn toward the television to see what all the fuss is about.  Photos of a crime scene where two women have been brutally stabbed to death are plastered across the screen along with images of the hotel they had been staying in and the victims themselves.

“Uh, Ric,” I manage to utter before sheer terror takes over me.  Not only are we staying in the same hotel, but the two women are occupying the same room we had originally been assigned.  When we’d arrived, just days before, and found there had been a double booking, we gracefully offered to move rooms.  What if we hadn’t?  Suddenly, I feel deadly cold.

“Maybe you should stay at the farm tonight instead,” Thor suggests.  The ‘farm’ is a small rural property we have purchased for our retirement.  As the house needs repairs, we decided to take a vacation at this nearby resort in the meantime.  Ric has to return home on business overnight, which means I will be on my own.

“No, the report says the police have a suspect in mind – a drifter who has been seen loitering in the nearby town.  The farm is too isolated.  I’ll be safer here with people around.”

Somehow, in the deep middle of the night, isolation feels more pronounced.  From where I lie I can see the outline of the door to our room and try to reassure myself that the deadbolt will hold.  I pray the double sliding doors in the adjacent room are secured enough to prevent an intruder.  I must fall asleep at some point, because when I awaken it is morning.

Relief floods me.  Daylight brings a return to normalcy, sanity.  All is well.

I have a quick wash and throw on some clothes, deciding to catch breakfast in the restaurant.  This suite we are staying in has two rooms – the bedroom, which is accessed from the outside, and a living/dining/kitchenette area, which is accessed by the pool area of the resort.  A short hallway with a bathroom separates the two living spaces.  It isn’t until I pass through into the kitchen area that I notice the intruder and I stop short.

Standing well over six feet tall, he is a giant of a man, with a disfigured face and scarred hands.  Like a rabbit, I freeze, assessing the situation.  In my mind, I picture the exits, both locked as far as I know.  How long has he been here?  Do I have time to unbolt the door before he’d catch me?

As if reading my mind, he flashes a pass key.  He works here, I realize.  Remain calm, I counsel myself.

“Am I going to die?”  I ask willing my voice to remain steady.  “Because if I am, do you mind if I have one more cup of tea.  Tea is my favourite thing?  Could you allow me that?” An element of surprise is my only hope of defense.  It worked for me once during an attempted mugging.  The would-be assailant stepped in front of me and demanded money and cigarettes.  In my nervousness, I laughed and said: “Do I look a smoker?”  The ruse worked long enough to let me dart away from the mugger and yell for help.

He doesn’t answer, just glares at me with that menacing expression, reminding me who’s in charge here.

“If it’s about sex, I’ll do anything you want, no need to get violent.”

“It might get rough.”  Do I detect a hint of bemusement in his voice.

“That’s okay, but I’d still really appreciate that cup of tea.  Can I make you one?”

“No, I don’t want any damn tea!”  but he doesn’t move to stop me and he’s dropped down onto the couch now, stretched across it, his legs splayed out over the end, his massive belly displaying one long scar carved into his side, and I realize he’s removed his shirt.

Cautiously, I make for the sink, feeling like I’m moving in slow motion.  His voice stops me.

“Why’d you have to put lanolin on the food tray?”  His voice is mournful, gravelly, and if I didn’t know that my life is in danger, I might l have laughed out loud.  My mind races:  He must work in food services.

“I didn’t,”  I stammer.  “I mean…I don’t use lanolin…don’t even have any.”  Then, sensing the opportunity:   “Somebody would do that?” I play the sympathy card.

“Makes my job damned near impossible,” he mumbles.  “Makes me angry enough kill!”

So we’re back to that.  Is that what happened to the two young women?  They greased the dinner tray?

“Hurry up with the tea already; I don’t have all day.”

He closes his eyes for a moment and I examine his face.  An unfortunate soul, really, I think.  Large, beefy jowls, and a bulbous nose that likely indicates years of alcohol abuse.  A scar covers one eye socket, and his lipless mouth seems to hang open unaware of itself.

Just as I turn again towards the kitchen, a light tapping on the door precedes the entrance of an entourage of people.

“Housekeeping, Miss.” A woman bustles in carrying freshly pressed and hung laundry.  “Where would like these?”  Behind her comes another housekeeper bearing clean towels, and a team poised to clean.  “Is this a good time?”

“A very good time!”  I turn to see that the hulk has gone.  Did he slide away?  I wonder.  Did anyone see him?  I direct the clothes to be hung in the bedroom closet and smile with genuine gratitude for the disruption, but keep my council.  He may still be hiding in the suite.

Two young teens then barge through the now open door and buzz around delighting at everything in the room.

“Excuse me,” I say to them.  “What are you doing?”

“This is our room!  We just checked in!”

“This is my room,”  I can feel the anger rising up in me.  I have had enough disruptions this morning already.  Things are beginning to feel surreal, and I just want some peace to recollect myself.  “There has been a mistake.  Leave!”

The doorway fills with what must be the rest of the family:  a man and woman and four more children.

“Check-in,” I tell them, ” is not until four o’clock.  The room is still mine.”  I had forgotten that today was check-out and the realization brings me new hope – I might get out of this alive yet.  I have work to do.

The family and housekeepers all leave with the exception of one little straggler.  I start to give him directions to the lobby, then realize he is too little to understand, so I walk him down the hall instead.  As we approach the reunion with his parents, I see that Ric has returned and is approaching the building.  The nightmare is finally coming to an end.

I turn back towards the room, anxious to get packed up.  I see him in my peripheral vision as he steps out of the shadows.  I stop.  Surely he won’t accost me here in the hallway, with people around.

“Did you see my scars?” he asks, eyes turned away.

“I did,” I respond unemotionally.  What can he possibly want me to say?  Like the wounds you left on those poor young women, I think.

I hear Ric’s approach and see the killer step away.  Should I tell my husband? I decide not.  Ric would react protectively, and could end up getting killed as well.  I greet my husband warmly, and turn our attention to the task at hand.

Car loaded, Ric pulls toward the exit just as a police vehicle drives in.

“Stop here.” I command, rolling down the window and catching the driver’s attention.  “The man you’re looking for works in the kitchen,” I tell him.

Then I signal for Ric to drive away and wake up.

It’s all been a dream.

Dump Truck

Cumbersome and heavyweight,
determination driving,
I roll with a shudder,
ignoring limitations,
promising caution,
pretending control.

Road blocks, detours,
and bustle –
everywhere bustle!
Unavoidable confusion.

(Control, it seems, is illusory.
How had I not anticipated this?)

Rattled intentions-
delayed reactions –
slowed starts.
I am an abomination.

Children dart about,
heightening my angst.
Go-getters impatient,
rev at my sluggishness.

(Get out of the way!)

Compliance compels, but
the girth of my metal
inevitably obstructs –
Misfits are not welcome here.

My load is heavy –
grievances topped with
personal dramas, blended
with ingested toxins.

(Warning: compassion is low!)

My apologetic countenance
masks underlying menace –
Do not misread hesitation.
A beast is poised to strike.

(Control, remember, is illusory.)

Labyrinth

I am a tourist in this life.
Expectations of enlightenment,
education and entertainment,
spur me forward with excited anticipation.
Feed me discovery in ordered exhibits,
carefully construed facades of control,
garner me with a sense of security:
I am an eager explorer, readily engaged.

By the time wariness enter my consciousness,
I am too far in, committed to the direction,
unable to turn back – the folly of my naiveté
taking hold.  I feel the panic set in – forge ahead –
now driven by fear, not wonder – I see a light.
Relief! Temporarily. All is not as it seems.
Security is not solid. Boundaries are blurred.
I have ventured too deep into this maze of horror.

Injustice and lawlessness surround me –
relentless battery, unbridled savagery,
mummified memories claw at my soul.
I am not willing to die this way-
my screams powerless against a
raging reality, willing my demise.
Is there no sympathy to be had?
The nightmare continues.

I am a student of life,
reluctantly enrolled in a program
that I should have already mastered,
seeking enlightenment in the tucked
away crevices of existence,
crowding in with other lost souls –
expectant, dubious, involuntary –
arrogance and superiority my walls.

I sit amongst the delinquents.
Cynicism blocks flowery attempts
to win me over, nor am I swayed
by blatant appeals to primitive appetites.
I have grown callous, and calculated
hardened by my journey – and when
the lesson comes, delivered in an
unfamiliar tongue – I deflect.

But wait. Despite my hard-heartedness –
hard-headedness – truth seeps
into the corners of my mind and
with coinciding dismay and delight
I realize the folly of my ignorance:
In the struggle between survival
and striving, so much has been overlooked.
I am finding my way out of the maze.

Accepting Self

Desiring reconnection with life,
a longing for purposeful normalcy,
I push forward, intentionally ignoring
advice to the contrary.

Original intention well-meaning
(but not thought through)
minimal exertion is what’s called for,
but I feel inspired to do more.

Former strength now lost,
new awareness on the periphery,
hindered only by this cloudy head-
executive functioning currently disabled.

Bottom line is I must come clean,
stop overstating my capacity,
accept the unpredictable,
and recognize my limitations.

Embrace the lesson of constraints
and stop sabotaging the journey.
I am what I am, not a former definition
based on a life now redundant.

Naked, I fear that someone will see me –
I fear that they will not see me –
desire for acknowledgment,
a very human condition.

I need to ignore the obstacles,
wholeheartedly, without compromise,
reveal myself – no longer hidden.
I am, after all, what I am.

Changing Direction

This path I walk is not my own;
it’s paved with genetic markers,
familial dysfunction, and ancestral angst.
Can you see them walking with me?
Those whose lives were cut too short –
the addicts, the tortured, the diseased-
none of us free- ensconced in blame.

If you walk with me,
I’ll help you carry your burden
and you can support me with mine.

I stand at the intersection
of broken dreams and hope for tomorrow
and in my altered state of awareness
see the commonality of our striving,
understand the patterns that divide,
and grasp the illusion of injustice
that denigrates our interconnectedness.

If you walk with me,
I’ll help you carry your burden
and you can support me with mine.

I stop and wait for an opening
to share this revelation
of underlying harmonious intent,
but the whir of societal traffic
complicates communication,
and I can find no voice to cut
through the din of the dead.

If you walk with me,
I’ll help you carry your burden
and you can support me with mine.

I turn the corner on my old life,
detach with loving sorrow
from a road that never served me,
a direction wrought only with pain.
Tiny arms await me on this open road,
eyes wide with wonder and possibility.
There is joy to be found along the way.

If you walk with me,
I’ll share this new adventure
and together, we’ll have much to gain.

All The Little Pieces

You, old man –
silent onlooker,
career behind you,
motivation stymied
senility lurking –
You are a part of me.

You, grandmother –
chronic caregiver,
stiffly puttering,
good intentions,
punctuated by pain –
You are a part of me.

You, young woman –
heart full of passion,
longing to embrace life,
confined to a wheelchair
dependent independent –
You are a part of me.

You, little child –
running with emotion,
driven by discovery,
curiosity cancelling reason,
needing protection –
You are a part of me.

You, young man –
cold-hearted and reckless,
menacing and lawless
cruelly harrassing,
angrily destructive –
You are a part of me.

You, responsible one-
struggling to do it all,
holding it together,
rescuing the lot,
refusing to let go –
You are part of me.

You, my many pieces –
bound by disease,
beaten by hardship,
silenced by fear,
abandoned to rot –
You are a part of me.

I, shattered into pieces-
overwhelmed, and repulsed,
have not lost compassion,
will regain my fight,
hang on for salvation, because-
You are a part of me.

Presently Seeking Peace

Life is transition,
and when disability presented,
I brought along my social self –
optimistic, friendly, upbeat.

And I brought my spiritual self-
child, maiden, mother, crone.

The possibilities seemed endless,
and lined with “would”s-
reconstructions needed, projects abandoned,
work attached, room for the old.

Drama entered and theatrically
walked out, “I’ll have none of this!”
Apologetically, I asked for the parameters-
“All doable!” I thought.

Severe debilitation appeared,
sleek and menacing as a cat,
puncturing my self-confidence
raising my ire.

I did not choose this existence!
I can only decide how to proceed.

So I simplify,
cut back my expectations,
seek purity in deprivation.

I am almost there,
but there are so many loose ends –
work to complete, messes to clean up,
questions to answer, justifications to make.

I uncover the consequences
of well-intended, but not followed through
promises.  Garbage, garbage, everywhere,
and me, with no energy to dispose of it.

Charity nourishes me,
compassion fills the gap,
and though I want to reward it –
extend my gratitude –
disarray gets in the way.

And I cycle back

Life is transition,
and in the end,
death.

I can enter willingly,
with grace and peace,
resigned to my tribulations,
free from entanglement.

Or, I can rail against it,
mired in the smut of criticism,
pretending perfection,
oblivious to the blessings.

Life, my dear self, is transition,
and we are being moved along,
whatever our preconceived expectations.

Open yourself to the process
and be willing give up the delusions of the past.

There is peace to be had.

Damn you, Hindsight!

 

It’s my final year of high school, and while I should be focused on earning scholarships and preparing for University, I am head-over-heels in love. A year my junior, Bob is a dreamboat: quarterback on the football team, downhill racer during the winter season, and lead actor in the school play!

I rush to his locker after football practice, having wiled my time in the library with the pretense of studying. He is surprised to see me, asking why I didn’t go off with my friends after school.

“Because I wanted to be with you,” I purr flirtatiously, leaning in for a kiss. I hook my arm in his and lead him out to the parking lot, where the car I have been working to pay off, awaits.

It was all you, hindsight chirps in. He even said that that you should be with your friends. He tried to warn you, but you didn’t listen.

It’s a beautiful spring day and we drive out into the country just to enjoy it, and I wonder about our future, and if we’ll get married, and how soon I can have kids. He gazes out the window lost in thoughts that I cannot access.

“You should get a job,” I say. “ You know, to save for the future.” I’ve been working since I was fourteen. I enjoy the freedom having my own money brings.

“I have cash,” he responds and flashes me his killer smile.

From his parents! Hindsight yells at me. The boy still lives off his parents – How did you think he was marriage material?

I am seventeen, and full of romantic notions, and sure that I found “the one”.  He is handsome, and a good dancer, and plays the piano, and even held my head one day as I puked after drinking too much.  Isn’t that love?

After graduation, I move out, and find a full time waitressing job to pay the bills. University starts in the fall and I need to save. Bob gets a job and buys himself a sports car.

“He’s just a boy,” a co-worker tells me. “What do you see in that?”

It’s true that he wears racing gloves when he drives his car, and that seems a little foolish, but he’s my man, and I’m smitten, so I defend him.

And he spent every cent he ever made on that car and none on you, hindsight reminds me. You even forfeited a honeymoon so he could buy those racing tires! But you couldn’t see it!

Another year of our lives passes, and it is spring again, and I have just finished my first year of University and he is approaching his high school graduation and I ask him if he could ever see us married, and he says yes, and I ask if that means we are engaged, and he says sure, why not. And the plans are on!

Note how he didn’t even propose to you, hindsight interjects. Wasn’t that telling in itself?

I decide to let my education go, and he finds a job with a bank, dropping out of school just one month before earning his diploma. We work and save and make plans (well at least I do), and as the wedding day approaches, he gets fired.

“You don’t have to go through with this,” my Father tells me. “It’s not too late.”

“It’s not too late,” my mother assures me. “No one would think any different of you.”

I tell myself it’s just a bump in the road. We’ll get past this.

When my period doesn’t show up , my best friend asks him how he’ll deal with it.

“It’s her problem,” he replies, and walks out of the room, leaving me to break the awkward silence that ensues.

“You don’t have to do this,” she says.

But I do! My heart cries. You don’t understand! No one understands. He loves me. No one else will ever love me.

Oh boy, hindsight sighs. The writing was on the wall, and you couldn’t even see it.

Call it stubbornness. Call it willful blindness. Call it the stupidity of youth. I do marry him, and die inside every night as I climb into bed alone while he stays up with his guy friend watching movies until three or four in the morning. And I work two jobs, sixteen hours a day, while he sleeps till two and then moves from the bed to the couch where he channel surfs till I come home and make his dinner.

Even when you took in a boarder to help pay the rent, you just worked harder, never asking him to pick up the slack, hindsight reminds me.

“You are going to burn out,” the friend I had ignored for him tells me months into the marriage. “I just worry about you.”

“He just needs to find himself,” his mother tells me. “He doesn’t want to take just any job, he needs a career.”

So I seethe inside as I go from day job to night job, and pay the bills, and do the laundry and shop for food, and clean up after his posse of unemployed friends.

None of it should have been a surprise to you, hindsight accuses. It was your own desperation and lack of discernment that drove you there.

“He prefers male company to you,” my mother points out. “Doesn’t that suggest something to you?”

It isn’t that I haven’t notices, and when I ask, he says that it’s just that I am not sexy. He’s tried, he says, but I just don’t do it for him. It’s my fault, I think.  I am disgusted with myself. I start working out, but am too tired. I can’t keep up the pace.

It’s not till I discover his private bank account where he’s been hoarding money that I realize that the price for his dream is just too much, and two weeks before our second wedding anniversary, I kick him out.

“Get help.” I tell him. “Find out who you are and what you want from life.”

He moves in with another woman.

And I, broken, bruised and ashamed, push on.

Thirty-seven years ago today, I was about to be married, and despite all the counsel to not go through with it, and all the evidence that this was perhaps not the best decision – I did it anyway.

Damn you hindsight, for never being there when I need you.

Gridlocked

Far from home,
tired and spent,
feeling abandoned,
disconnected –

I am cut off.

Lacking independence,
damaged by betrayal,
I try not to need
and get tangled up-

cut off again.

The past haunts me:
a legacy of dead-ends;
abuse, addictions,
and mental illness-

cut me off.

Seek a higher road!
Spirit calls to me.
No! Stubbornness responds
I can do this myself –

But, I can’t.

Confronting shadow,
the nightmare is revealed.
Following Spirit
is the way –

I re-engage.

Dream Study

Dreams speak to our non-rational self:  our emotional, instinctual, conditioned unconscious, and experiential selves.  They reach beyond our carefully construed ego self to bring new insight and understanding with the purpose of positive growth.  While they speak with the language of metaphor and symbols, using a symbol dictionary limits the interpretation, and is, therefore, not recommended.  The best way to look at dreams is to break down their elements and look for the associations that can best be bridged with our outer lives, remembering that it is the symbology, and not the literal translation that has relevance.

Let me demonstrate using my own dream from last night:

I am seated at a round table with my ex husband and his wives.  The occasion, it seems, is the funeral of my present husband.  The three of them have just returned from a cruise (their first) and were so taken with the experience that they have bought me a gift certificate from a travel company so that I can go with them the next time.  I am taken aback:  not only is this unexpected, it is highly inappropriate given all the circumstances.  Jay’s sister-in-law (who we jokingly call his other wife) is quite animate and friendly, as is my ex.  His wife does not look at me.  I examine the gift certificate.  Is is for just under $900, and from a travel agent who is on the verge of bankruptcy, so not guaranteed.  I mention this and they say that is why we have to act now.  I see my husband, bed-ridden in the next room and tell them he is not even dead yet.  This is all so wrong.  The women leave but my ex stays.  He hands me some pieces of clothing that his wife wants me to have.  They are used, but obviously washed – red satin pjs with hearts on them.  The first two garments are size small.  “I have never been a small” I tell him, handing them back.  The last piece looks large enough, but is just the top, no bottoms.  “Accept that, at least!” he commands.  I do and as he leaves I wake up feeling the ludicrousness of this dream.

1.  Setting – Where the dream takes place is a good starting point.  When considering setting, notice whether it is familiar or unfamiliar.  If unfamiliar, draw out any associations or memories that the images conjure.

My dream takes place indoors, at a round table
–  the round table makes me think of Arthur and the knights of the round table. (I’ll come back to this symbol later.)

– I had table dreams regularly when going through my divorce, while I was negotiating a settlement, as in what both parties brought to the table.  (Dreams often use puns to illustrate a point).

– indoors might indicate something inside myself.

– this is supposed to be the occasion of my current husband’s funeral, and the setting appears to be more ‘back at the house’ than the funeral parlour, so the indication is that it has to do with something in my own home, or inside myself.

– time of day seems to be late afternoon, early evening – if there were other mourners, they are gone.  Age-wise, I am in the later years.

2.  Actions – the movement in dreams can help us understand progress, or see where things are going.

The action takes place indoors, at a round table, with three other people, then moves to the sitting area with one and eventually alone.

Associations or thoughts – Three’s a crowd:  the feeling of being ganged up on.  (this draws an aha for me.  I am feeling ganged up on by my friends and family who keep asking me why I haven’t had an MRI.)  Then sitting face-to-face with my ex – facing the issue full on, and then alone – A reminder that in the end we are all alone – it is a place we need to be most comfortable in.

3.  Themes –  It sometimes helps to insert an ‘as if’ here:

It’s as if my ex-husband and his wives have offered to take me on a cruise – this would be totally inappropriate under any circumstances, for so many reasons, and reminds me of the time when we first separated, and he wasn’t paying support but offered to take me on a $350 balloon ride for my 40th birthday – it was so inappropriate as I needed the money for food and shelter at the time.  Is there something here about how others are not always sensitive to what you need in the moment?  This certainly ties in with the pressure I’m getting from others to get another opinion.  It is their agenda, not mine.

It’s as if I am holding ceremony for my current husband and he is not actually dead yet.

Big aha here!  I worry about my husband all the time:  his eating habits, lack of exercise, and alcohol consumption.  I am burying him, before he is even dead.  Boy, I need to let this one go!

It’s as if I am reluctantly being handed a gift (the clothing from my ex-s wife):  not sure about the connection here.  Will have to give it more thought.  Is someone offering me a back-handed gesture of help?  Reminds me of a term my father used :  watch out for Philadelphia lawyers- meaning be wary of people who have nothing invested in your issue.

4.  People – Keep in mind that the people in dreams are also symbols, so consider the character traits and behaviours of the people represented.  Gestalt therapy suggests that all elements of a dream are parts of the self.

Ex-husband – narcissitic, anti-social, self-serving – what part of me is this?  Certainly my fearful self – when cornered or attacked, I will defend me at all costs.  How am I negotiating with this part of myself?

Ex-husband’s sister-in-law:  outgoing, Russian bride, in an abusive marriage – what part of me is this?  The reason we call her the ‘other wife’ is that she spends more time in my ex’s house than her own given the circumstances of her marriage.   She is the twin sister of my ex’s wife, the more outgoing of the two, but is making poor choices in her life.  This reminds me of my own mother who could never leave my father despite the abuse that went on in their marriage.  I am aware of the baggage I carry as a result of my parents’ marriage.  Good to be reminded that I bring that to the table.

The Russian bride:  bitchy, demanding, inflexible:  Yes, my ex married a mail order bride (I always joke that he had to go all the way to Siberia to replace me).  She is the anti-thesis of me – a fighter, who stands up for her rights, and won’t back down no matter what – this is me when backed into a corner.  This was me the night before last when Thor and I had a fight about his health.  I lashed out with a vengeance.  Like the wife in the dream, I couldn’t look at myself after, I felt so ashamed.

Thor – in the dream he is sick and dying, or originally thought dead.  Thor is driven, thoughtful, giving, a caretaker and provider.  He is all the parts of myself that I like.  Have I given up on them?  I am not able to be caretaker or provider right now which causes no end of grief.  But, like Thor in the dream, I am not dead – just sick in bed.  The end is not here!

5.  Symbols:  Dreams, like symbols, have layers of meaning, some archetypal, some societal or cultural, but mostly they are personal.  It is important to examine personal significance.

Table – for me, the table has historically represented negotiation, as in “What do you bring to the table?”  This table is round, which reminds me of the Arthurian tales in which the table was round to signify equality – no head of the table.  Round tables at school allow for more communal discussions.

Cruise – Thor and I love to cruise, but have been unable to because of our illnesses.  Going on a cruise is what we hope to do as soon as I am able to travel.  It offers comfort, luxury, and a variety of destinations, as well as lots of entertainment – all without having to move from hotel to hotel.  The dream offer of a cruise holds no allure.  It is my husband I want to travel with – in the dream and in life.  (An aha moment).

Used pjs – in the dream they signify a peace offering, albeit not well thought out, almost as if last minute.  Pajamas are associated with the bedroom, and intimacy.  That the Russian bride would offer me pjs is curious.  Things that are odd in dreams often hold important messages – I will come back to this.

6.  Feelings – this is important.  Our ego tends to filter emotional responses and regulates them so that we behave appropriately, however; the dream time allows for expression of anger, remorse, fear, etc.  Understanding our underlying feelings can help us to make healthier decisions, and heal old wounds.

disbelief , incredulousness – where am I feeling this in my outer life?  Not sure.

incensed – the feelings here are for my ex-husband, and while it has been many years since our divorce I suspect I am still harboring some resentment for the way the marriage ended and how he treated me in the aftermath.  When I lashed out at Thor, it was undoubtedly with some of this leftover resentment.

7.  Questions:  what questions arise from the examination of the dream?

Why would I be entertaining my ex and his wives?  Or more importantly – How am entertaining my ex and his wives (parts of self)?  How have I enabled self-centered, explosive, foreign aspects of myself to persuade me?  How have I allowed myself to even contemplate fulfilling my dreams without my husband ( I confess the thought of divorce did cross my mind – knee-jerk reaction).

Why pajamas?  Which leads to another thing to consider:

8.  What is odd?  All dreams are odd, admittedly; but what is odd even for the dream?

The red pajamas. 

An exercise to do here, would be to describe the object, as if to an alien, who has no concept of the item, its use, its origin, or social application.

These pajamas are used for night wear; women wear them to sleep in, or for lounging at night, usually when company is not present.  These are red, satiny, so light weight and comfortable on the skin.  They are fashioned after a man’s shirt, with matching pants, typically, although the only one that fits me is missing it’s partner.  They have long sleeves, and button up at the front.  They are modest. 

After having exhausted the description possibilities, the next step is to take out the references to the object and replace it with “I am”.

So:  I am used for night wear; for sleeping, or for lounging at night, not when company is present.  I am red, and satiny, and light weight.  I am comfortable.  I am fashioned after a man…..etc. 

Note:  Work with a dream until you reach an ‘aha’ or breakthrough.  Always work until you have a positive outcome:  a resolution, a healing, a new insight that inspires positive movement.