suppression – One Woman's Quest

Clam

Before mercurial attitudes
I am clam –
emotions shuttered

Not that silence is calm –
oppressed energy a danger –
even shells can burst

Question is where
shrapnel will strike
when inevitable happens

(Image my own)

The initial spoonful –
salted caramel cool –
consoles bitten tongue,
slides down burning throat:
appeasement for churning gut.

Each spoonful savoured
sweetness countering bile,
dark chocolate shavings
as bittersweet as the emotion
being pushed down, buried

Bruised by conflict,
words ineffectual,
ice cream an unworthy
compensation, cravings
turn to salty reprieve.

sometimes
when I write
I eat – it’s my way
of stopping
the emotions
from spewing
all over the page

sometimes
when I eat
and my emotions
are numbed
momentarily
my inspiration
dries up

pardon me
if I appear
a little neurotic
but I need
to find a solution
for this eating
writing problem

Imagine befriending genius –
accepting social awkwardness
embracing habitual quirks as
incubation for enlightenment.

If I could strip down, release
preconceived notions, agendas,
lie naked, exposed, in shallow
waters, intimately entwined,

unencumbered by sexuality
or gender protocols, I would
shake this sensual impotency –
become one with creativity.

As my father, wounded, I
am inhibited by my feminine,
opting for compliance over
strength, a conditioned identity.

His mystery extends, flawless
sculpting, archetypal secrets,
pretense proclaiming normalcy,
usurping vitality, genius stifled.