Category: Humour

Kindergarten Pie

Take a classroom of five-year-olds –
nimble-footed, names unintelligible –
add a dozen runny noses
and three boo-boos
and one unfortunate ‘accident’.

Introduce a teacher –
holiday hazed and overtired –
mix with a controversial curriculum,
a dash of micromanaging parents,
and splash of report cards due.

Blend cautiously,
taking care that all ingredients remain
in the bowl…er…classroom…

Bake for five days,
cool over the weekend.

(I taught Kindergarten for a day and still have nightmares about it, lol.  To all the primary teachers out there – I am not worthy.  You are amazing.  Poem inspired by a recent dream, and written in the spirit of this week’s challenge:  recipe. Challenge is open all week – would love it if you joined in.)

Tempting

Escape sits
stalled,
waiting,
one small key
an ounce of courage
and off I’d go,
a wake of water
heralding my exit.

Instead,
I retreat –
courage resides elsewhere,
such exhilaration
belongs to youth –
will ponder adventure
another day –
wait,
stall,
escape
into a nap.

(Written for Twenty Four’s: 50 word Thursday.  Photo supplied with challenge.)

Superwoman Has a Dark Side

Finely cut crystal –
silver and gold –
sparkle and entice.
A table fit for royalty.

Savoury aromas evoke visions
of sumptuous gravy,
delectable roast,
crisp-cooked vegetables,
and decadent desserts.

She’d stop to admire her handiwork,
but the children, hungry
and bored with the waiting,
tug at her hem.

Waiting.
It is her greatest strength.
Prepare, prepare,
then wait.

They’ll arrive shortly, noisily
full of their days,
fail to remark on the preparations

They’ll sit
be served
praise the deliciousness
gobble up seconds
push back their chairs
wander off
for a kip
or a smoke

and she’ll linger
picking at congealed gravy- covered mashed
unconsciously dabbing at a red wine stain
and marvel at how she accomplished it all
without bitching
without protesting
a trouper till the end

What’s that you say?
She’s sounding a bit like the martyr?

Oh no, you’ve found her out.
Superwoman has a dark side.

(This was originally penned a few years back, and I resubmitting it here, edited, for Twenty Four’s 50 word Thursday. Photo is courtesy of Deb Whittam as part of her prompt.)

I’ll Take a Slice

Wrap me a slice
of utopia – parcel
it carefully, maybe
double-wrapped.
Just glide it across
the counter, let me
tuck it in my coat,
glide out of here –
can barely repress
my excitement,
this thrill, must hurry
on home now –
find a quiet corner,
unwrap and inhale.

(Written for dVerse’s poetics with the focus on utopia.  A nod also to Fandango’s prompt, repress, Ragtag Community’s, parcel , and Daily Addictions, glide.)

Heavenly Day

Sun slices through slumber –
Day, wrapped in cerulean, beckons.

Not an early riser, I balk, until
sensibility intrudes, argues
autumn’s passing –

I concede, break out,
push limitations –
a sexagenarian rebel.

Later, I crash,
golden lustre
enveloping me –
halo-like.

(Kim is hosting at dVerse pub tonight and challenging us to write a quadrille – poem in 44 words – using the word early.  I am also linking up with Ragtag Community for their prompt:  lustre.  More photos and information about this outing are posted here.)

 

Tongue Tied

Two-tongued –
speaking both heart and mind –
complex languages, whose nuances
I’ve never quite mastered, yet
am conversant in.

It’s a constant learning
to nail enunciation –
linguistics a tiresome topic

the mind,
a guttural language,
leans to equation and absolutes –
hard consonants and long vowels;

while heart-speak rolls
off the tongue in softer,
cooing syllables –
elongated tones and
whimsical passages.

I’d happily demonstrate
the extent of my proficiency
but the two-tongues,
are currently contradictory,
the clamour of their discord
drowning out the peace
requisite for translation.

Sleep is For Other

I toil in the dreamtime
like a night manager
in a hotel without walls,
catering to clientele –
whose needs, so diverse,
rattle the rows of beds –

settling disputes and
encouraging discretion
and succeeding only
in waking exhausted.

I am like a keeper in
a hostile hostel –
trying to find a key
when there are no
doors to unlock.

(Inspired by sleepless nights and erratic dreaming, and submitted for Sammi Cox’s Weekend Writing Prompt – unlock.  Featured image is titled “Self-Portrait with Colours” although my son says it looks more like a LSD trip – I didn’t ask. Alternate title:  “I am Slowly Going Crazy”, lol.)

A Woman with No Name

Descended from fire,
I am earth, and spring,
and graciousness –

Oh, that it were so –
fiery yes, with a love
of nature, but grace?

Truth is I am 5th born,
not supposed to be –
naming left to father

who fumbled in the act,
named me incorrectly
and thus my identity

was born of confusion –
rushed and flustered –
a woman with no name.

(dVerse challenge today is write a poem based on our full names.   Even though I have three given names, thanks to my father, I’ve only been known by initials.  Photo is of a granddaughter.)

Beauty Routine

Plump the lips
pad the ass,
pull abs in

Push-up bras
and false eyelash,
botox, and brows

Make us pretty
much less witty –
do not overdo

Natural is rave
naked is yuck –
to find perfection

choose a routine
that sculpts and
shapes, then lie.

(dVerse quadrille prompt is yuck,  Ragtag Community is plump, Fandango offers routine, Daily Addictions is apparent.)