I have been invited to Scott L’s house and even though I haven’t seen him since high school, I am excited. I first met Scott in grade school, and fell in love immediately. While we would be best of friends throughout our school years, our love would never blossom. I am hoping the invitation now means that he is ready to reciprocate feelings and we will be together. I arrive at his home to find my cousin Serene. I am delighted to see her, and surprised that she and Scott know one another. Scott is not here yet, and while we wait for him, we are connecting the dots. How they know each other and why Serene is here. It turns out that they are about to get married and that is why I have been invited. I try to be happy for them, as I love them both, but I can’t help but feel disappointed. I have wished for this for so long.
We’ve all had those dreams of unrequited love from which we awaken sure that we are missing something that only the other person can give us. Wishful thinking is one of the evils that spiritual teachers will caution against. While the emotional pull is so strong, the temptation is only that: a threat to the self.
There is no moment but now, and how we respond to what we have is all that counts. The more I dream about a love that never was, but could be, or wish for that perfect job, or dream home, or other life, the less I am contributing to my current circumstances. I am unhappy because I am choosing to be.
When we remember an old love, we are remembering a person frozen in time, unchanged. We have not allowed for the fact that they, like us, have lived life, suffered losses, had successes, and built lives for themselves. We are not considering that their current life and self may not even resemble the person we once knew. Wishful thinking is all about the ideal and nothing to do with the reality. It is wasted energy.
If I look at the dream metaphorically instead, I will consider what I loved about these two people and how fitting this dream is for my life today. Scott was loyal, straightforward, and trustworthy. Serene is bubbly, optimistic, and warm. If the Scott part of me, the loyal, trustworthy side, were to marry the fun-loving, warm side what possibilities could that open in my life? Well, I finally made the commitment last night and joined Weight Watcher’s. Could this mean that with the right level of commitment and attitude, I can make it work?
Sounds like a marriage of success! Now, that I can get excited about.