How is it I exist
in duplicate
simultaneously?
This divisive self
preoccupied
unforgiving
Facing forward
always looking back
lost in moments
(Tuesdays, I borrow from Twitter @Vjknuton. Image my own)
How is it I exist
in duplicate
simultaneously?
This divisive self
preoccupied
unforgiving
Facing forward
always looking back
lost in moments
(Tuesdays, I borrow from Twitter @Vjknuton. Image my own)
That time, playing in the muck,
foot emerging without a boot,
hopping and laughing
all the way home…
Then, later, on the bus
the impact of the car
the windshield cracking
like a giant spider
blood all over
the dead lady’s face
All in the past –
sunroof open
kids riding along,
music blaring
But trauma is a spider
Arachne reaching into happy places
and as much as I speed up
to avoid her,
fight to disable
her attack;
she weaves herself new limbs,
begins the onslaught anew
And I am stuck in the mud again
no longer limber enough
to dance my way home in the rain.
(The Car Crash first appeared here in March of 2020. Edited for this version. Image my own.)
Measured in spoonfuls
progress imperceptible
Still feel the angst of
no-time-to-breathe lifestyle
pressured from within
to get-it-done
spend unavailable resources
ruminating solutions
push against the walls
with little to show
surrender to impotency
and wait for the next surge.
Sister was a hurricane –
destruction her path
Tried to calm, encourage
but her core was damaged
Try to reach her now,
across death’s abyss
understand before
her legacy swallows me.
Snapdragons transport me
back to Father’s gardens –
the pleasure of pinching
delicate floral lips
Forbidden, was I
tiny feet banished from
tiers of ordered colours –
how he worshipped those rows
Hours spent on knees,
as if in prayer… attention
lavished on nurturing growth
while I shrivelled on sidelines
Longed to dig beside him,
sully my hands and share
his passion, ignorant of
an inner drive to weed
Felt only walls of separation
the coldness of perfection,
so in my wilful way,
I rebelled against taboos
On tiptoe, stepped between
the bobbing arrangements
marred the well-tended soil
and pinched the snapdragons.
(Snapdragons first appeared here in March, 2018. Edited for this edition. Art my own)
A nine-year-old skips
along the centre line
of an abandoned street
imagination empowered
by sunshine blue skies
Till the low rumble
of aircraft startles her
and she runs for cover
praying to an absent God
to take her now, young
heart too bruised to carry on.
A fifteen-year-old huddles
in a dank underground corner
already violated by a war
she did not ask for,
shamed by her body’s betrayal
praying for a death more forgiving
A mother holds her baby close
tremors such an indelible part of life now
grasps for a God she once believed in
sees the vacancy in adolescent eyes
the joylessness of her weeping child
prays for a way out of this hell.
Searching for the alchemy
to transform this chaos –
Do they understand depravity,
those who dwell in exurbs,
blinded by their own opulence?
Children are dying, pawns
in a political sham – I know
we’re tired, but now is not
the time to sleep.
(Tuesdays, I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image mine)
Look at us building fences
pretending we have differences
Do we not hunger the same
hunt in the same places?
Do we not strive with equal intent
build our nests with the same ferocity?
Forgo passion for survival?
Let us stop pretending
Let down these walls
admit to our vulnerabilities
align our purposes, and
fight a more fearsome foe.
(Fences first appeared here in March, 2018. Image my own)
Like Atlas, I bear
the world’s weight
call it responsibility –
a painful delusion
requiring walls
Life has its own rhythm –
light and dark,
joyous and sorrowful –
orchestration outside
of my domain
Love, however,
is limitless
in its capacity –
open-hearted acceptance
protection in itself.
Trading one focus
for another
permits appreciation –
I vow to assert love
and forgo control.
Absent solar motivation
I contemplate grey
for grey’s sake…
How despite the dullness
grey does offer a valid backdrop
for white’s delicate presence
(Tuesdays, I borrow from Twitter @Vjknutson. Image my own)