This Is How It Happens

Cherubic and reeking
grief’s pallor heavy
he comes to me

Of course, he does
I am schooled in compassion
seldom flinch at raw pain

I attend to the wounds
listen; reassure
but I am weary

My own sorrow unattended
loss and betrayal an inner bleed
know I have only so much to give

But he is not alone,
there is another
a mere child…

Cherubic and reeking
grief’s pallor heavy
he comes to me

Of course he does
and I will sign on to stay…
schooled in the art of compassion.

(The stories that come to us in the dreamtime, often celebrate anniversaries. Years ago, I was in a cycle of abusive relationships, culminating with the one represented in the poem. We met on New Year’s Eve. My son, then early teens, remarked to me that I always chose relationships that asked a lot of me but seldom gave in return. While I laughed it off in the moment, his words remained with me, especially as this man also betrayed me with another. It was the turning point I needed to do some real soul-searching.)

Image my own.

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VJ

Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

28 thoughts on “This Is How It Happens”

  4. I am super grateful for the footnote on this one. It definitely felt dreamlike. Often kids are the best seers of situations. I really like your work. Lots of love to you and best wishes for a hail and hearty 2021. 🙏💗

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    1. Me too, Betty. Wasn’t certain about that wording but it is exactly what drew me in – his boyish vulnerability and at the same time I could smell his grief. Exact combination to trigger the rescuer in me. Thanks.

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  7. From the mouths of babes …
    My pre-teen son told me one day in the kitchen what I should look for in a man (had been single several years and I think his point was: find a man) – I grabbed my grocery list pad and wrote down his specifications. I don’t recall all the list, but last was “looks don’t matter”. Years later I met my current husband and took note when my son gave a definitive thumbs-up. (Looks are a plus.)

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  11. Oh my GOD. The poem is brilliant! But what you have shared just went right into me. I am exactly like you. Though I have only ever had one relationship, which was abusive and still is, to some extent. But, like you, I give and give and give to others, and get no return, though I do not do it for return. Yoyr post has really hit home to me, for I have just been considering what to do in the New Year. Yet,cwhat IS there to do, now? 71 and badly dusabled! Yet we share a house, that is oyr own, together. I know tgere are answers, just not sure what, yet lol. It will, I am sure, become clearer!

    Thankyou for your deeply honest post.

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    1. You are so welcome. Sorry to hear you are in a bad situation. Your story reminds me of my Mom. She was in a bad situation with no where to go. Assertiveness training helped her to stand up for herself and in the end, did make her life more palatable. Take care.

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